Understanding Women

[MetalMilitia]

Hi thanks for the questions. I think you should take the "scatter gun" approach to card/gift giving. This involves distributing cards and gifts in such quantity that you almost guarantee yourself some pity replies. As we all know, pity replies can lead to pity dates which if all goes to plan may lead to our ultimate goal; pity sex.
If, as I suspect, you are so unrelentingly un-attractive to woman that you cannot even muster any pity, you wish to take the alternative "scatter gun" approach. The main idea behind this is to make your class mates pay for not appreciating your charms by way of a scatter gun and a rucksack stocked full of home made pipe bombs.

Hope all goes well and good luck!