Protoclown's 2007 Movie Awards

[MockBot]

Automatically generated comment thread for Protoclown's 2007 Movie Awards.

[Protoclown]

I'm not gonna apologize for the Best Western joke


you can't make me do it

[Butters]

I personally think the other franchises in the "Worst Raping of a Classic Franchise" category were raped harder. Also, the "Worst Title" category could probably be replaced with something better.

Otherwise, however, great list! This was a pretty bad year for comic book movies. Also, I liked how you mentioned how cringe-inducing the previews were to the films in the "Most Horrific Abomination to Films" category. I cringed so hard during those previews, I actually had to walk out of the theatre and wait for the movie to start before returning. It was too embarrassing to look at.

[autodidact]

Ya see that? That right there? That's the reason I haven't set foot in a movie theater in 13 years.

[Nick]

I hate Spider-Man 3 so much.

[Colonel Flagg]

How about "Most Gratutious use of Nudity"? Although that would have so many nominees ...

Great article, BTW. I'd sit through annoying prattle, stupid commercials and overlong acceptance speeches to watch this awards show.

[Purple Man]

Well Mr Protoclown, having forced myself to watch Hostel 2 I can assure you that your wish is answered, and the horrid Jay Hernandez gets himself butchered good, pretty much within the first five minutes. The rest of the film is utter shit, worse even than the original. I only watched it because I'm a perverted psycho, of course.

On that note, I totally agree on the Grindhouse thing - man that rocked. It ranks as one of my great cinema experiences. Pity so many missed it. And although I just bashed Eli Roth above, his trailer for "Thanksgiving" set up the best-looking horror I've seen in a long time.

Now for the year of Watchmen - Iron Man - Magneto - Dark Knight - Avengers...what wonders and horrors can we expect?

[Kocturn]

I would have used cliched instead of cheesy for Ghost Rider. It wasn't a good movie to see by yourself, saw it with 2 friends and could't stop talkig through out it 'çause we keep it on making jokes. It annoyed me that they did't show Planet Terror in Aus.

[nilus]

I can't agree more about Grindhouse. It seemed to me to be the best combination of humor, action and goofiness. It came out at the perfect time(April, right after the crapfests that come out early in the year, but right before the blockbusters hit) and it just seemed like a movie people would get behind. I am still holding my breath for a special edition release of the DVDs with both movies together with the trailers. Splitting them up makes no sense at all.

About the only thing I disagree with you is that I thought Planet Terror was better then Deathproof. Then again I saw the movies at a midnight showing after drinking most the day so by the time Deathproof was on I was a bit sleepy.

[SunnyD]

Me and a couple of my friends went to the midnight premiere of Grindhouse and it actually had quite a packed house. I mean, there was still room, but full nonetheless. The preview turned movie I'd want to see though would have to be the nazi werewolves, but only if htey make it as ridiculous and over the top as they did to Planet Terror (which was by far my more favorite of the two, but Deathproof did have a funnier and better ending if you can sit through the first half). But why no one else saw it I just cannot understand. It was two movies for the price of one, and which ticket prices these days, you cannot beat that.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

I actually like Resident evil: Extinction. :< While they weren't as good as the games, and said bad survival skills, I thought it was pretty good.

I honestly expected Alice to take out that huge guy with a shoop da woop, though. It was perfectly set up for it.

[Hugo]

I never even had the chance to see grindhouse, and planet terror was on here in Brazil for a week or so. I really wanted to see the whole thing in theathers.
Hostel was really lame, not graphic enough, not pornographic enough, not funny enough, I couldn't care less about the sequel.
As for transformers, well, I'm no fan really, never had a toy or seen the TV series, so I could just get past the overall stupidity and enjoy it's good looks.
Spider man 3 sucks. That movie had way too much jazz for a super hero movie. Think of the dark night dancing with Katie Holmes like The Mask with Cameron Diaz, it's just as lame.

[krish-0]

Great article! But I have to severely disagree with one movie that you seem to have a lot of love for. In fact I can't believe no one else has said anything yet. Hot Rod was one of the worst pieces of shit ever unleashed on unsuspecting moviegoers. I love Andy Samberg, but Hot Rod was 90 minutes of suck. Sorry, but I calls em like I sees em.

[Captain PirateFace]

I couldnt get past the first 30 min. of "Number 23". It made me want to kill myself while taking a giant crap on the dvd box.

[Molly]

"Worst Sequel That Absolutely No One Was Looking Forward To"

Obviously someone was looking forward to Saw IV cause it made 63 mil.

[Rizeru]

Grindhouse was probably on of the best movie(s)to be released this last year. I remember me and group of friends flocked to it because of Planet Terror. (new zombie like movie with a chick with a gun for a leg, who can resist?)We were mildly bored of Death Proof though, but it was still better then most movies released that year.

[Magic Flyin' Lemur]

I'm glad there is another who knows the pain of having been wowed in the theater by Grindhouse only to see it hacked in half and delivered, like a mafia threat, to us on DVD. I was infuriated that they split them. Angered to the point of refusing to buy the DVDs. Seeing this in the theater is one of those experiences I will truly treasure.

Oh, and Spider-Man 3? Like Pirates of The Carribean's sequels, it's on the list of "Films That Do Not Exist In My Head".

[Überguy]

Thankfully, Alvin and the Chipmunks weren't all hip-hopped. I was kind of worried, but that movie reached out to that whole period where the TV show was awesome. As for Spider-man 3, it was like 3 movies all by itself. Like 10 gallons of shit in a one gallon bag. They tried to do way too much.

Also, the Academy sucks the big one. Best Picture=Most Controversial (more often than not)

[Angryhydralisk]

This was a fun read. Makes me think of how Eli Roth, Rob Zombie, and some other guy call themselves "The SPlat Pack". Christ, what a ham!

[MacLeon]

This is why I don't watch movies.

[Grimscott]

I'm surprised Epic Movie didn't get a nomination for Most Horrific Abomination Committed to Film. Because it really deserved it. Honestly, I'm a more bitter person for seeing it.

[mburbank]

best western joke rules

[Magic Flyin' Lemur]

Originally Posted by Grimscott

I'm surprised Epic Movie didn't get a nomination for Most Horrific Abomination Committed to Film. Because it really deserved it. Honestly, I'm a more bitter person for seeing it.

I think the proper category for Epic Movie would be "Worst Crime Against Humanity Since The Holocaust".



I told my nephew not to go see that movie around here because I was going to burn down the theater and everyone watching it inside, thus doing evolution a favor.

[Desert_Screams]

Can't really argue with any of your selections here-- although I'd have to pick Zombie's HALLOWPALOOZA over TRANSFORMERS in the "Raping of a Classic" category. TRANSFORMERS was, at least, an abstract premise that could have done in any number of directions-- it just happened to go to Sucktown under the watchful eye of Michael Bad, ummmm, Bay. But with HALLOWEEN Zombie took a brilliant, well-thought-out suspense/horror classic, and turned it into an Very Special Episode of MONTEL. Daaaaaaamn his eeeeeeeyes!

[Despotofks]

How about a category for "Move that I'll never see, but is most likely to make me stop talking to one of my friends for going to see in theaters."

2008 front-runners so far include "Meet the Spartans" and Paris Hilton's "The Hottie and the Nottie"

As for 2007? I'd have to say that "Delta Farce" narrowly beats out "Epic Movie" and "Because I Said So"

The category wouldn't be too different from your "Most Horrific Abomination Committed to Film" category. The difference would be the friend's ability to successfully argue for having to go see a movie. "Alvin & the Chipmunks" and "Norbit" can be forgiven with an apology and either the words "the kids wanted to..." or "my incredibly hot 20-year old girlfriend who is both as skinny as and as smart as a lamppost wanted to..." Whereas the only way to properly atone for having seen "Delta Farce" is through an eternity burning in a tomb with the arch-heretics in the sixth circle of Hell.