Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks

[King Hadas]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I would but of course I'd tell my mother first. Priorities after all.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I do not know what eccentricities Californian boobs may or may not possess but yes, I would speak of them if the situation demanded it and who has the right to tell me not to, you? I think not. You see I am a grown man and I'll do what I like, when I like and how I like it and if speaking of Californey boobegry is my preferences then I well speak of them with relish and hopefully with out catching the third degree from YOU, thank you very much.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I have no reason for deceit, I am a gentleman after all. Though if it happened to be someone of let's say a questionable nature then perhaps, for YOUR sake, I might embellish the truth a little but only out of love and admiration for my beautiful lady.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I of course would be saying sorry in a caustic tone. It is not my fault I came early since you refuse to relax your vaginal walls. I am no Cassanova Fabio, I am simply a man and you can't expect me to take all the blame for this fiasco. After saying this I would offer a sincere apology and then give a rousing good speech about teamwork then we may go at it again in 15 minute intervals until we get it right!

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Was it a lie? I was being honest. Do you find it so impossible to believe me responsible of such acts of bravado? Am I lowlier than worm in your eyes? an amoeba, putrid human garbage to be wiped from your filthy toe-toes? My mother was right about you, your a harlot, a vampire drinking deeply my self-esteem and manhood. Does it satiate? Does it quench your bottomless ego you fiend!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
I would if I believed said pornography would upset my Undulating Honey Lilly Flower.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
We can always borrow milk from mother.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Let me worry about fiscal matters my Dumpling Dancer.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Do not worry about it my Mapleberry Cherry. Worse comes to worse we can always borrow money from my mother.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Although I was present for my brothers birthing and thus prepared for the process, I may make a tactical retreat from your side but not for my own sake! I would not want my porcelain clean image of you my Love Thrummer befouled by that most repugnant act of birthing.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I own an extensive library of great literature and a myriad of textbooks on varying subject that suggests that I am very well read.

12. have you read them?
I'll get around to them eventually.

13. did you really go to college?
I-I do not wish speak of this ever again.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I would not have to since my mother would pick up on my unease if you should follow such a line of conversation and interrupt by pointing out some of your more subtle faults. Mumsies is so reliable.

15. do you talk in cliches?

Certainly not sweetheart.