My "stream of consciousness" answers:
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
What, do I look like I have a death wish? Of course.
2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Do they know? If so, then Hell Yeah!
3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
Only if it's my boss pretending to be a girl.
4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Ummm ... if you have to ask, then never mind.
5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if they took me seriously. Then I might say that I was also kidnapped by aliens.
6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Bad porn is meant to be savored, like fine wine, and can only be properly made fun of in groups of two or more.
7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
You mean we're also out of Bourbon? If not, then what's the problem?
8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'm embarrassed to say I had to look up "snap on account" on Google. Honestly, what would I be doing buying all these tools? Im a complete technogeek, wihout any sense whatsoever of what to do with hedge-trimmers.
9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I call the landlord, ask for an extension and hope you never find out. :facered
10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke. More to the point, ritual "significant other abuse" is part of "sharing the experience", is it not?
11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Of course. Mostly Chemistry and Physics related.
12. have you read them?
I'd better have.
13. did you really go to college?
And grad school.
14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
We're sufficiently in synch that, yes, I'd expect you to know.
15. do you talk in cliches?
What do you think?