Apparently I fancy myself a writer now

[Tadao]

Here is what I mean by weak pillar. Let's just look at 1 paragraph.

It was night, with a full moon dominating the sky, twinkling stars speckled here and there. Lou was in a forest, lush and filled with trees of a beautiful, wild green, scattered throughout the forest floor, the leaves rustling as he moved and the moonlight shining upon his face. He was running through the forest, wearing nothing, moving on his hands and legs like an animal, running in between the trees to and fro, a powerful scent driving him on . Primal, animalistic thoughts ran through his head, thoughts egging him onward, urging him to run. Suddenly, he heard a rustling sound in the distance. He leapt into a patch of bushes to hide, slowly cocking his head out of the bushes to better view his prey. He saw a buck wander out into view, wandering around for some food one would suppose. Hunger tore at Lou’s stomach as he waited, hoping that he could sate it. As the deer drew nearer, he pounced up in the air, every part of his mind eagerly awaiting the feast that would come, every muscle of his body tensed for the kill, ready to slash and bite into it’s flesh and… He woke up.

Now let's break it down to it's basic.

Lou was in the forest under a full moon, running on all 4s lead by the scent of prey. The buck ahead of him never sensed his approach. He leaps into attack undetected, but he wakes up in the middle of it.

That is the pillar you have to work with and it can't handle the weight of descriptive writing. You don't need to make it a big paragraph. I have read many-o two lined paragraphs and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Every one is going to assume the stars are out if it's a full moon. Or maybe they see the full moon under a cloudy sky. Maybe that's what they want to see, why not give them the chance to see the sky they want to see. Does it matter so much if it is full of stars or not? Do the stars form a pattern that is important later in the story and will blow peoples mind because you are being witty? No, you are trying to force the stars on the reader. It will tire the reader from the get go to have to try to imagine exactly what you are telling them and they will automatically not want to read 200 pages more of it. Sure, if it was a poem they would know it will be over shortly and they will finish it.

We are talking about the opening sentence here and all that is important is the full moon! This is why I feel editing it will not work at all and a rewrite is in order.

[90's Child]

Well, actually the main goal of my editing is to do exactly what you said and toss out the annoyingly flowery prose while replacing it with terse but still descriptive prose. I also do agree with your point about the first paragraph, and I will do a complete overhaul to make it say more with less like you say I should. However, I ahve a problem with editing my transformation
sequence(s) (When I edited my first post to place a revised version of Chapter 1 in there, I added a new sequence where he transforms partway to replace an unnecessary exposition paragraph. What do you think of it?)). You see, I kinda think that it needs that detail to help the reader understand how horrible the experience is for the character (Under the rule to show, don't tell) and to get that "American Werewolf in London/body-horror" feel to the transformations. Am I erroneous in my judgement?

Also, I have a dream sequence cooking up for Chapter 4, and I was wondering if you could check and see if it's any better at being less annoyingly flowery. Here it is:

He was at the edge of the forest, the same as he had seen in his dreams for many months now. But something was different. It seemed a little bit brighter, a little bit larger, a little bit warmer, and a little windier. And he too had changed. For his form was not human, but that of a wolf, gigantic and towering, with no human features to speak of. He heard a strange call, a powerful call, the kind of call that goes all the way into the deepest recesses of your mind, the parts that have existed long before the dawn of man. He followed it, through the bushes, through the trees, through the rivers and over the rocks until he found its source. As he stepped into the clearing, he saw something amazing. It was a wolf, a gigantic one at that, about the size of a tractor trailer, with a body whose sinews were like steel. Its fur was dappled in grey and black and silver and gold, and it’s eyes fierce and knowing, the only flaw on the magnificent beast’s composition being a large sliver knife embedded in his left flank. And it was howling at him. As the moonlight flowed over them both, it turned its head to him, and motioned it over to a path that appeared out of nowhere, a path that ran up and towards the moon hanging brightly in the sky. The wolf suddenly bolted into a run towards the path, and somehow Lou knew that he wanted him to follow. He ran towards the path, legs gracefully striding as though he were flying, eyes locked onto the wolf ahead. The wolf was far ahead, but he kept striding forward and slowly he began to catch up with the beautiful creature. As he dashed forward, hearing the wolf’s head, it gave him a look, a look that said “Good job kid, but it’s not over yet”. As they ran together, the moon in front of them grew greater and greater in size as they neared it. As the moon hung right in front of them, oh so very close to their touch, there stood an immense cliff. They ran toward it just the same, paws padding along the ground faster and faster, they jumped and…

What do you think of it?