Impress me with your injuries.

[Otto]

I used to think fireworks were the best thing ever! Me and my friends used to sneak into the bathrooms of abandoned houses, convenience stores, malls, car dealerships, pretty much any place that had a public restroom and flush a couple of lit cherry bombs down the toilet before running out of the business and laughing our asses off. Checking back the next day usually yielded a blackened toilet (if the bomb didn't go down all the way), a waterlogged floor (if the bomb got into the pipe without going out), and if we were really lucky, we found a slightly chipped/broken toilet.

Firecrackers were an integral part of my childhood until about age 16 when I set my grandmother's and all her neighbor's backyards on fire with a roman candle. I tried to stomp out the initial small flames which caused my jeans to catch on fire, scorching my leg, and leaving me with a patch of skin that's slightly pink and lumpy and no longer grows hair. And that is how fireworks betrayed my trust and I had to cut them out of my life.