Attention: Honorable Members of the Triad....

[pjalne]

I wish I could talk with animals, cause then I could score with chicks all the time. And then, in the final basketball game that would make or break my honor, I could summon lots of birds to shit on my slick and handsome rival and the whole school would laugh. And then the diva girl would want me, but I would realize she was a bitch and go for the girl with the glasses instead. And then there would be stills of me and all the other people involved with info on how we did in life with Oingo Boingo music playing.

I wish I could talk to animals.