Solar-Powered Humans!

[mburbank]

THAT WAS FROM THE SMOKING!!! God DAMN IT!!!!

Okay, listen. Solar guy found out I was going out of town for a week, and he was all, 'hey, come on, I'll house sit for you, i used to be a professional house sitter in hollywood, I house sat for Adrienne Barbeau one time and she said I did a really, really good job."

So; I come back, the cat is GONE, the fridge is EMPTY, there are cigarette burns all over the couch and carpet, the whole place smells like dope and Solar Guy is locked in my bathroom unconcious. When he finally comes to, he tells me a gang of Koreans did a home invasion and locked him in there and if it weren't for his ability to use solar power and the bathroom window, he might have died. So I go "Yeah, so how did that chocolate get all over your face?" and he goes "Oh, that's not chocolate, I used my own poo as a moisturizer and he's out of the house before it dawns on me if you don't eat, you DON'T POO!