Okay, here's one that I had forgotten about
:
TOLLBOOTH
Don't know him? He's the guy who Hasbro included in their 'Bridge-Layer' vehicle. That one that 'laid bridges across five inch pits' but somehow could only make the actual vehicle across. And he's the Joe with the hardhat and the sledgehammer.
No guns, no actual way of defending himself. Let's face it, he's the Joe that we should all pity. While his filecard says he graduated from MIT, we all know the horrible truth: Tollbooth's sister was married to Duke. That's the only reason they kept him on. Each week while the other Joes do cool stuff, Tollbooth's the one that polishes that giant useless cannon in the front of Joes HQ. He's the one that everyone plays jokes on. What is he gonna do, run after them with his plain jackhammer? Throw his hard hat at them?
This isn't a slam against any construction worker. Far from it. But Tollbooth is a wimp. His name sucks, his vehicle isn't even a defensive one unless he blunders his way into a missile...he's just there. He's not even good enough to be a Dreadnok. Now, this is where Hasbro could have been creative...so, I give you the man who should have been in Tollbooth's place:
Lunchbreak
OUTFIT: Stained Wifebeater, yellow hard hat with Radioactive symbol on it, big pot belly, worn blue overalls, a pair of combat boots and tattoos covering his arms.
HISTORY: Lunchbreak grew up as the son of Polish descendants from the Solidarity Work Party. Raised in the ghettos and beaten up at school, Lunchbreak's twenty two hours a day at school then at work shoveling pigshit and coal mining gave him a solid work ethic. Thanks to an injury and seven years worth of living thanks to Workman's comp, Lunchbreak went into the Army and impressed the shit out of everyone by not sleeping for 72 consecutive days. This endurance and dedication made him a natural for the Joes but was a weakness when, during an important battle, Lunchbreak decided to build a bridge instead of engaging in the firefight. Hence, he now drives that Bridge machine so now he can start slapping bitchass instead of sitting around letting his asscrack show.
"The Fucker doesn't sleep! Jesus God, his blood is half fat, half caffeine! Through, while he's not the man I want behind my back when Armageddon comes, he's the man I want when I want those artillery shells moved by morning! All this for minimum wage!"
But no...we had TOLLBOOTH.
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