bed rest :(

[sadie]

my shitty fourth:

this morning, i had a dream i was coming home from this festival, and my dad said i was a celebrity: my picture was on the cover of the newspaper. only it wasn't me; it was a side-view of one of my former students that i saw the other month at a bar where i was singing. the cutline said it was me, but it was her.
so i woke up and thought about newspaper retractions. they don't really do any good, do they? on one hand, you've got the number of people who see the cover headline, story, headline, and caption. on the other, you've got the people who see the little "corrections" box at the bottom of page two or so. no comparison. it's fucked-up.

then, i read a short story by stephen king called "survivor type" about this old surgeon who's lost his license and ends up stranded on this tiny island after his ship sank. he was returning from china with two kilos of heroin, which he ended up snorting like crazy after he amputated--and ate!--his foot due to breaking it from chasing this seagull around trying to kill it with a rock. after a few more days of near-starvation, he amputated his other foot--just to survive. and then he carried on up both legs. it ended with him declaring "they" tasted "just like lady fingers." if you are what you eat, he said aloud to nobody but himself, he hadn't changed a whole hell of a lot. :O

so i wrote three pages of emotionally turbulent drivel, and forged a few more lines of a song i've been possessed by for the last month. and in between it all, i've bitten my tongue so as not to snap at my mom, who, in her sacharine attempts to take care of me, is driving me insane. oh, and i gave my bfriend a hard time on the phone about not being here. the bastard.

i know you care immensely.

[Pancakes]

hey, watever inspires you :D

[Snatchtastic]

Hi Sadie :D

[sadie]

AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(ahh, the memories. :P)

[subterfuge]

Me and my husband wanna have a baby.

List all your horror stories in the past months, and I'll read every word. Or not. Something to do while you're in bed

[sadie]

the absolute worst thing about this pregnancy has been the fear that it will end as tragically as my last, five years ago. three days after my baby was due, i had a massive placental abruption; he died and i nearly did.

[Dole]

Jesus, thats tough

[sadie]

always glad to brighten your day.

i dreamed last night that the baby was squirming and turning so fast and strong in my belly that i could actually see the outline of his little arms and legs and facial features through the skin. and then--poof!--he was lying in the floor. i picked him up and cradled him and screamed, to whom i can't recall, BRING ME A TOWEL.

[Snatchtastic]

Did he explode from you like in ALIEN?

[Matt Harty]

Saw that coming...

[FS]

If it makes you feel any better, I once had a dream that my dad had a baby. It got pretty bizarre even beyond that point.

But that probably doesn't make you feel any better.

Feel better.

[subterfuge]

Awww, I sorry to hear you lost a baby before. It sucks. My sis in law just had a miscarriage. Fortunately, she was barely 12 weeks along, so the loss wasn't too awful for her.

I dunno how so many 14 year olds get to have babies left and right, and they don't even care because their moms will buy them abortions.

But, then when you're of a good age and are actually trying to have a baby, bad stuff always happens.

[sadie]

thanks. it does suck to think about the number of babies who are born perfectly healthy to women/girls who smoked and drank and took lousy care of themselves, when i did everything right and was rewarded with humongous, gaping loss.

life sucks sometimes; that's all there is to it. and it clearly sucks because of these BIG, USELESS BRAINS we have. i mean, they LIE all the time, and so much always depends on OPINION which changes with the wind. (i finished kurt vonnegut's "galapagos" today. :P)