McClain's Top 11 Abused Expressions

[McClain]

Excessively used phrases make me want to squeeze the Charmin - most often because they're used incorrectly. Here is my list of Top 11 Abused Expressions:

11) I could care less - This wouldn't be so bad if people enunciated with appropriate emphasis. Perhaps you should say, "As if..." first?

10) Irregardless - Might as well try "deregardless" or "unregardless". You'll still sound like an idiot but at least you'll be unique.

9) Hearty guffaw - I don't witness this expression that often, but when I see the latter it's accompanied by the former.

8) I personally - Pick just one please. Redundancies are redundant.

7) With all due respect - Used as a preface to insult. Nine times out of 10 the statement following this phrase has nothing to do with respect. "With all due respect, you smell like steaming St. Bernard shit."

6) Intelligent design - What does this even mean? I know what you think it means, but dissect those words and think again. Can you explain this idiom without sounding like a spoon-fed asshole?

5) Literally - Unless you typically speak about figurative actions please refrain from using this abject adverb. Chances are you're not using it properly. "Did you see Dave's reaction to the TPS report? He figuratively shit his pants!"

4) Best practices - Corporate jargon is an STD. Pass it along.

3) For all intents and purposes - Synonym overkill! It's so cliche I can't formulate an argument without using synonymous expletives.

2) Intensive purposes - A failed interpretation and iteration of the previous entry. Tally this one as double fail.

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1) Trials and tribulations - You have never used the word "tribulation" outside of this expression. Admit it!