Here's my poor attempt at humor.
Wow! A package all the way from the land of Canada! My dog is sniffing it for drugs. Sadly, there weren't any.
Oh boy! A Toronto hat, an iron on Canada patch, a Black Rain DVD, a photoshopped picture, and a letter from FartinMowler!
"Merry Christmas Spengler, I picked boring stuff and I'm sorry but I don't know you know you that well and didn't want to be too weird. Enclosed is my favorite movie Black Rain and if you would like to do me a favor and do a reenactment of the scene where Charlie gets killed. You can use a bicycle and a stick or use some imagination with some friends, do you have friends? :/ Anyway Merry christmas and I hope you enjoy I-Mocker like I have for years."
Aw! That's so sweet! But I don't have a bike or friends. Thanks for reminding me. Jerk. I guess I'll have to use something lame like action figures.
OK! Moving on...
I wear my hat like this cuz it makes me look like a gangsta.
Hey! Let's iron on this neat patch!
I AM IRON MAN!
Now I look like a true Canadian, eh? I say eh because that's what Canadians say, eh?