FORUM EVENT: "I-MOCKERY'S 2007 SECRET SANTA EVENT!"

[Zomboid]

You guys both got some really cool gifts.

[saltshakermaniac]

Ok, so heres the stuff Thanos sent me... Iam not in a very creative mood right now (due to a hangover from hell). So as soon as this is posted iam going to lay down and pray for daylight. Also there were 2 candy bars in the package but i already ate them and threw the wrappers out before I took any pictures


My DVD collection is complete now.


ahh moonpie glory






Its one of those things that craps out jelly beans , I cant get the thing to work though


There mini-moonpies, the mini makes them special......

[Mockery]

Originally Posted by saltshakermaniac

ahh moonpie glory

:OOOOOOOOO MOON PIES and the Darkman Trilogy?? Goddamn, that's a nice haul. You're set on entertainment and groceries for at least a few days there. Way to send awesome stuff guys.

[Zomboid]

I take back what I said. The new people are pretty good :D

[saltshakermaniac]

Originally Posted by Zomboid

I take back what I said. The new people are pretty good :D

My god, its a christmas miraicle

[JackSchmidtKnifeThrower]

Okay. Here we go...



Theres an overall shot of all of what I recieved. There was this note,



it reads

'Hola Zack Zopp!

My name in the forums is 'Captain Pirateface' AKA John.
I am sending you what I consider to be 3 random "BadAss" Collectables.
Why you may ask?
I am a Nerd.
And, I think if more people embraced Nerd-dom they would be happier.
So Enjoy.
Keep them in the package for them to be worth some $$$ when you are an old fart. Or rip these
Bad Boys out and set them up somewhere Perdy to look at. They are also fun to scare Babies with.

Keep it real Vato...
Keep it real..."

CAPTAIN PIRATEFACE"

I think all 3 Collectables are AWESOME becuase I collect Collectables because I too am a Nerd. Funny, because Freddy is my personal Favorite of the 3 most popular Movie Maniacs (Freddy, Jason, Leatherface). So, Now the story begins.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE AND THE QUEST TO CALL KIP TO GET HIM TO BRING NAPOLEON HIS FRIGGIN' CHAP-STIK:A Twisted World Of Plot-Holes And Spelling Errors. *Working Title*

N=Napoleon
F=Freddy
TF=Tooth Fairy



N="GOSH! It was hard using my Nun-Chuck Skills to get out of that plastic. At least it was easier than hunting wolverines. I need to call kip to bring me my Chap-Stik."

"I'VE GOT SOME!"


N="SWEET!"



N="Freddy Krueger! But why is your head huge?"
F="I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM MY FIGHT WITH THAT HOCKEY-PUCK JASON."



N="Why does your hand have Large Talons?"
F="WHAT?"
N="I'm gonna stop asking about talons because no one understands when I ask. GOSH! FRIGGIN' IDIOT!"



F="SHUT UP, BITCH! IF I HAD ENOUGH POWER I'D DO SOMETHING NEAT LIKE TURN YOU INTO A FACE ON A PIZZA"
N="You already did that in Nightmare 3."
F="IT WAS 4!"



N="As long as that Tooth Fairy dose'nt come."
F="NAH, THE TOOTH FAIRY IS STILL IN THE BOX."



TF="Well, This Sucks......."

Back With Napoleon...



N="Gosh! I just need some friggin Chap-Stik!"

F="THEN IT IS A FIGHT TO THE DEATH! MY BLADES-YOUR NUN-CHUCK SKILLS."

So, after a long battle,

Who else to beat Freddy but......



"ME, ZOIDBERG!"

"Here is his Chap-Stik"



N="YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
Zoidberg="Now If you will excuse me, I have a ro-but to examine."



Fry="I'm not Bender. I'm Fry."
Zoidberg="Really? I thought YOU were the ro-but."
Fry="Nope. Human."
Zoidberg="Interesting...."

YOU READ IT, YOU CAN'T UN-READ IT

So, there's the story. I know it is not very good, and most of whoever is reading this will hate me for posting so many pictures, but, Whatever.....

And No, I did not get the Futurama figures from Captain Pirateface. Futurama is my favorite show, and it was the best/ most random ending I could think of.

[Mockery]

Hehe another good haul. Nice way to work in "talons" to the discussion between Napoleon and Freddy too

[Cfr5]

Holy shit! Zack Zopp is one of the coolest names of all time.

[MLE]

Not nearly as cool as Zak Zeeks.

[Zomboid]

Great stuff aside from napoleon dynamite ( talons right)
EDit: I agree, MLE!

[aj2217]

Oh my Secret Santa, please tell me my gifts arrived ;__;

[HungryWantBiddy]

nice post, jack. "you read it. you can't un-read it." haha, great reference. awesome gifts too. makes me wish I woulda participated

(Longwood SUCKS!)

[JackSchmidtKnifeThrower]

Originally Posted by HungryWantBiddy

nice post, jack. "you read it. you can't un-read it." haha, great reference. awesome gifts too. makes me wish I woulda participated

(Longwood SUCKS!)

Thanks....I Think. As I said, Futurama is my favorite show. I was trying to think of a story equivilent of "STAY TUNED FOR MORE......TALES! OF! INTEREST!" But I coulde'nt think of anything decent.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

It twas the holiday season, no different from the last, until the population of earth looked skyward and expelled a collective gasp.



All ran for shelter, to the warm glow of the TV, for they knew there would be monumental events to see.



The box crackled, spat and snowed. Then all were amazed by the picture it showed.



This is Zbrtz of the Nubtebula Empire!

Attention Santa! What the fuck?

Why all the hate?

The inhabitants of the Nubtebula Empire, the “Nubs” as we are known back in the hood, have been good. We’ve been saintly. Compared to us, Jesus was a trouble maker. We’ve been a peaceful race for well over an eon. We’ve helped countless words. We’ve sacrificed resources, developed technologies to serve entities everywhere and we’ve peacefully arbitrated treaties between worlds that had been at war for millennia.

Why then, have 1000 years of letters and gift requests been ignored?

Why do my kids cry EVERY GODDAMNED CHRISTMAS!!!



It’s a slap to the face Nicolas. It’s worse than a slap to the face; your abject neglect is like a spiked wrecking ball into the left eye of every Nub, puncturing our fibrous tunic, spraying viscous eye fluid onto baby Jesus.

YOU SELFISH, FESTIVE REINDEER MOLESTOR.

What? Are you too good for us you racist.
That’s right, I said it. I’m playing that card. You are a racist Nick.
What is it? You don’t like the look of our eye-stalks? Does the fact that we lack bodies or any disernable genitalia freak you out?
Well, that kind of freaks us out too. But FUCK YOU Mr. I Wear Red Pajama’s Every Day. You are Santa! You should be above prejudice! You dick. You Douche-Fag!



You shit on us Santa. Really you do. I’m sure you do. Every year, you gather up all our sincere letters into a nice big pile. You then drop your baggy balloon pants to your ankles, squat and squeeze real hard. You’ve spent the day eating soft foods, full of fiber, so the shit comes out of you like a Christmas train – as one long strand that, even from space, we can’t see the end of. It just keeps coming, your asshole like some sort of demented soft ice cream machine. Then, once you finish and after you turn to see our dreams, hopes and wishes covered in a rope of chocolate coloured shit, you laugh a great big belly laugh and light up your corn-cob pipe.

I HOPE YOU GET CANCER YOU JOLLY SON OF A BITCH!

What big red balls you have Chris. To stand there, with that shit-eating grin on your bulbous face. You drink Coke while my kids are crying because you brought them JACK SHIT! All you brought them was disappointment, YOU FAT BASTARD!

By the way Einstein, stop drinking Coke! No wonder you weight a metric ton. You FAT BASTARD!

We are done Santa! The Nubtebula Empire are tired of being shit on. The tides have turned you tubby pedophile. THE TIME HAS COME! IT IS OUR TURN TO SHIT ON YOU!



YOU! HUMAN!

LAUNCH THE ATTACK!

Click Above to launch the attack. Thanks to Uncle_Sham for the googly hand puppet and 'ammunition'.

[MattJack]

I don't have mine either

AND NOW I AM IN MY HOME TOWN (AGAIN) IN LOUISIANA FOR CHRISTMAS AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO POST MY STORY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER CUZ I DON'T HAVE A GIFT TO POST A STORY WITH!

MY I-MOCKERY LIFE IS RUINED!

YOU RUINED MY I-MOCKERY LIFE WHOEVER DIDNT SEND MY SECRET GIFT!

[poppers620]

alrighty here is my secret santa stash, which was sent so graciously by Schimid.








First item up is the Blowpop Nightlight





It looked tasty, being a Blowpop and all so i took a lick.



Sadly I realized that despite the Blowpop title it was indeed just a nightlight.



But it was still rad.



Second item is the girlie notepad.



Perfect for writing my to do lists. I really enjoy making lists to help me keep my priorities in order.



Third is this awesome dvd



I cant comment on it because i havent watched it yet, i plan on doing so on Christmas Eve while I am hiding from my family gathering that will be going on.

But this is awesome cuz i actually was going to buy this. and it has already found a home on my dvd tower next to my VHS copy of Slugs





Lastly we have the daily Mustache disguise kit. and since it is wed i get to use the "BRUISER" 'stache.



So i put this sucker on to see how good of a disguise it is



WOW! i look JUST LIKE Tom Selleck! it amazing! you cant even recognize me! (By the way, this picture really is me, even though i know you all were fooled and think that its a pic of the REAL Tom Selleck.



well i had fun with my gifts and i really wanna thank you Schimid for sending me some rocking gifts!

Merry Xmas and happy holidays everyone!

[Sam]

HEY GUYS!

HERE IS MY SUPER SECRET SANTA SEXCELLENT SELLEBRATION 2007!

IT IS LONG AS FUCK. L

MLE: WHO GOT YOU JERK
MLE: TELL ME
Sam: :O
Sam: OKAY I WILL TELL YOU
MLE: I AM WAITING IN SUSPENSE
Sam: MLE I WILL TELL YOU BUT KEEP IT SECRETS OKAY
MLE: OKAY
Sam: I GOT
Sam: IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD
Sam: 2007
Sam: FOR I-MOCKERY SECRET SANTA
MLE: i am waiting patiently
Sam: P
Sam: O
Sam: P
Sam: P
Sam: E
Sam: R
Sam: S
Sam: 6
Sam: 2
Sam: 0
MLE: did she get you cool stuff
Sam: YES
MLE: AWESOME
MLE: TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT
Sam: WELL
Sam: THE UPS MAN
Sam: HE BROUGHT IT TO MY HOUSE
Sam: I WAS AT WORK :O
MLE: ;o
Sam: I CAME HOME
Sam: AND IT WAS THERE
Sam: AND I WAS LIKE "OH SNAP"
Sam: because I KNEW what it was
Sam: I KNEW
MLE: SO WHAT WAS INSIDE
Sam: and i was like "awsome" and I opened IT

Sam: AND THERE WAS A CARD

Sam: WITH A CANDY CANE
Sam: AND INSIDE THE CARD IT SAID MERRY CHRISTMAS SAM XOXO POPPERS620

MLE: XOXO!
Sam: ISN'T THAT LIKE SKULL AND CROSSBONES
MLE: KISS HUG KISS HUG
MLE: SHE WANTS YOU
MLE: UH OH
Sam: WHAT
Sam: WHAT UHOH
MLE: X = KISS
MLE: O = HUG
Sam: OF COURSE
Sam: LADIES LOVE SAM
MLE: ;O
Sam: HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
MLE: NO PRON OKAY
MLE: i'm on my work laptop
Sam:
Sam: THIS IS WHAT THE LADIES WANT
MLE: <3
MLE: COMPLETE WITH RE POSTER
Sam: DO YOU SEE HOW IT LOOKS LIKE I AM WINCING IN PAIN
MLE: LOOK AT ALL THOSE GAMES
Sam: THAT IS BECAUSE I AM TAKING A PICTURE OF MYSELF AND IT HURTS LIKE A KNIFE
MLE: HOW COULD LADIES PASS UP A MAN WITH SO MUCH GAME
Sam: GAME RECKOGNIZE GAME
Sam: THAT IS NOT EVEN ALL MY GAME
Sam: THAT IS BUT A MERE PITANCE
MLE: OH SNAP
MLE: ;O
Sam: SO ANYWAYS WHERE WAS I BEFORE I WENT OFF ABOUT HOW MUCH GAME I GOT
MLE: XOXO - POPPERS
Sam: OH YEAH
MLE: OH YEAH
Sam: so what is that like reverse skull and crossbones
Sam: jeez
Sam: IS SHE THREATENING ME
Sam: BUT SERIOUSLY LADIES LOVE COOL SAM
Sam: LL COOL S
MLE: haha ;o
Sam: OKAY SO I TAKE THE CARD AND I GO HOLD IT IN MY BED FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES AND JUST WEEP INTO IT
MLE: ;o
Sam: AND WHEN I AM DONE I FEEL REALLY DIRTY SO I GO TAKE A SHOWER AND HIT THE OLD EYES WITH SOME VISINE
MLE: ;o
Sam: i haven't even looked at the presents yet
Sam: MIND YOU
Sam: I am already so touched and deeply moved by this CARD
MLE: ;o
MLE: ;o ;o ;o ;o ;o
Sam: I MEAN THE CARD WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH
Sam: I WOULD HAVE SAID
Sam: I YEILD
Sam: you know
Sam: I YEILD
MLE: ;o
Sam: SO'S
Sam: I LOOKS AT THE GIFTS
Sam: THERE ARE 4
MLE: ;o ;o ;o
MLE: 4
Sam: ALL WRAPPED INDIVIDUALLY

Sam: AND I SAID "FUCK I SHOULD HAVE WRAPPED MINE INDIVIDUALLY TOO BUT MY PERSON GOT LIKE 20 THINGS IT WOULD HAVE TOOK FOREVER"
Sam: I GOT 4
Sam: BUT IT IS OAKY
Sam: I OPENED THE SMALLEST
Sam: FIRST
Sam: IT WAS WRAPPED WITH SUCH CARE
Sam: I WAS TOUCHED
Sam: IN MY HEART
Sam: THERE WERE TEARS
MLE: WHAT WAS IT
Sam: IN MY EYES
MLE: VISINE TEARS?
Sam: A SMALL TIN OF HOLIDAY CHEER
MLE: ;o
MLE: COAL?
Sam: GROG FLAVORED PIRATE MINTS

MLE: OH SNAP
Sam: OH SNAP WAS CORRECT
Sam: THE SECOND PACKAGE
Sam: ALSO SMALL
Sam: BUT SLIGHTLY BIGGER
Sam: ONLY SLIGHTLY
Sam: IT CONTAINED A SMALL MOIST TOWLETTE
Sam: SPECIFICALLY FOR THE USE
Sam: OF WIPING AWAY MY SINS

MLE: ;o
Sam: GOD KNOWS I AM COVERED WITH THE FILTH OF SIN
Sam: AND SO DID THIS YOUNG KIND PERSON WHO SENT ME SUCH A THOUGHTFUL GIFT
MLE: ;o
Sam: MY SINS
Sam: MLE
Sam: COULD NOW BE RIDDEN
MLE: ;o
Sam: THE 3RD PACKAGE
Sam: CONTAINED
Sam: NOT ONE
Sam: BUT TWO
Sam: BENDY MONSTERS

MLE: I LOVE BENDY MONSTERS
MLE: SO MUCH
Sam: LORD HYDRA
Sam: VS
Sam: PRINCE REPTILLIA
Sam: BENDY MONSTERS MLE
Sam: MY BREATH
Sam: WAS TAKEN AWAY

MLE: ;o
Sam: THE LAST
Sam: THE FINAL
Sam: PRESENT
Sam: IF YOU WILL
Sam: I WILL PAUSE HERE
Sam: TO ALLOW YOU TO BUILD YOUR SUSPENSE
Sam: PERHAPS A NICE COLD BEVERAGE BREAK
MLE: i have water, thanks
Sam: THEN
Sam: THE FINAL
Sam: THE LAST PACKAGE
Sam: AS SOON
Sam: AS I HELD IT
Sam: I KNEW WHAT IT WAS
MLE: ;o
MLE: A GAME
Sam: NO
Sam: NOT A GAME
Sam: THINK OF LAST YEAR

MLE: I DON'T KNOW
MLE: I CAN'T REMEMBER
Sam: UNICORNS MLE
Sam: UNICORNS
Sam: THERE WERE UNICORNS... REMEMBER HOW CAPTAIN CAVEMAN GOT UNICORNS AND WAS LIKE "UH THIS IS GAY UH I SUCK"

MLE: ;O
Sam: SIGH
Sam: i am just oging to take our AIM conversation
Sam: make some edits
Sam: and use that for my story
Sam: and interject pictures
MLE: haha
MLE: i wasn't that interesting, though
Sam: I will edit it
Sam: and you will say
Sam: "OH SAM YOU ARE SO CLEVER AND SENSITIVE"

MLE: hahaha
MLE: go ahead
Sam: "OH SAM YOU ARE SUCH A CARD"
MLE: hahaha
MLE: go ahead
MLE: ;>
Sam: "OH SAM NO WONDER SO MANY LADIES WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND WALK THROUGH A PARK"
MLE: hahahaha
MLE: <3
MLE: i like these lines
Sam: "AT DUSK"
Sam: "WHILE DUCKS FLY OVERHEAD"
MLE: I AM JUST SWOONING
MLE: WITH PASSION FOR YOUR SENSITIVITY
Sam: YES INDEED
MLE: I AM OVERWHELMED
Sam: "OH SAM YOU ARE A WORD-SMITH"
MLE: MASTER OF VERBIAGE
Sam: "YOU ARE LIKE IF A BLACKSMITH USED WORDS INSTEAD OF METALS AND ORES TO MAKE WEAPONS"
Sam: "AND YOU HAVE CREATED A +3 AXE INSIDE OF MY HEART"
MLE: BUT INSTEAD OF WEAPONS, YOUR WORDS ARE THE MOST DELICATE OF JEWELS
MLE: DELICATE OF BELLS HUNG IN MY HEART
MLE: *FAINT*

Sam: "OH SAM YOUR WORDS ARE LIKE A WILD ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTION THAT SOMEHOW MAGICALLY CAN LIKE DO LOOP DE LOOPS AND BARREL ROLLS BUT ALSO IT FEELS LIKE EATING WARM CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP AFTER PLAYING IN THE SNOW"
MLE: hahahaha
Sam: "SAM YOU DISPLAY THE GRACE AND QUIET DIGNITY THAT REMIND ME OF A YOUNG RANDAL ORTON SETTING UP JOHN CENA SO HE COULD GIVE HIM AN RKO ON A STEEL CHAIR OUTSIDE OF THE RING"
Sam: "HE WAS LIKE A LION
Sam: AND A GAZELLE"
MLE: RANDALL
Sam: "I THINK HE WAS A GAZELLION"
Sam: "OR A LIOZELLE"
Sam: RANDALL ORTON
MLE: CORRECT
Sam: INDEED QUITE :POSH
MLE: POSH INDEED

Sam: THIS IS GREAT
Sam: I WILL AHVE THE MOST MAMAZING STORYT
Sam: MORE AMAZING THEN THE BOYHOOD DREAM OF SHAWN MICHAELS
MLE: AMAZING
MLE: MAH GAWD
Sam: SHE'S LIKE A TIGER RARWWRARWARRW
MLE: BRB
Sam: go ahead
Sam: wipe your nose


THE SHORT VERSION: I RECEIVED MYTHICAL ANIMALS AND GROG MINTS FROM POPPERS620. THE MYTHIC BEASTS ATE THE MINTS AND HAD A DRUNKEN ORGY. THANK GOODNESS FOR THE WIPE-AWAY-SINS TOWEL!

Thank you for awesome things Poppers!

MERRY CRIMMUS TO ALL OF I-MOCKERY!

Love, Sam

[Preechr]

Lol... Good one Sam

[poppers620]

i couldnt resist sending the unicorns again. something about unicorns that you can make battle to the death.... plus last year the magical gift of unicorns didnt get appreciated.

[Emu]

Where do you find those toys?

[poppers620]

Originally Posted by Emu

Where do you find those toys?

at the Hyaena Gallery out here in Burbank, CA

www.hyaenagallery.com

and a place called dark delicacies out here in Burbank, CA

www.darkdel.com

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

Originally Posted by poppers620

at the Hyaena Gallery out here in Burbank, CA

www.hyaenagallery.com

and a place called dark delicacies out here in Burbank, CA

www.darkdel.com

SLUGS! Right on, that's a bad ass movie. Back in high school I was suspended for showing part of it to my sociology class.

The Hyaena Galley, and Darkdel. Poppers, you have great taste!

There has been some great stuff posted thus far.

Pretty light on the commentary around here though.

[Mockery]

Originally Posted by J. Tithonus Pednaud

I swear I gave away one of those same hand puppet faces the other year... I love those things man. Nice way to turn it into a televised storyline. I enjoyed watching the earth get dumped on. Made me think of GWAR's "This Toilet Earth". Kudos to you, you selfish, festive reindeer molester! :O

One question though, what exactly did he send you besides the hand puppet and fake poo? Those things are pretty cheap and I guess I'm just unclear as to what he sent ya. Just wanna make sure you got at least $15 worth o' gifts per our Secret Santa requirements 'n all heheh.

Originally Posted by poppers620

Perfect for writing my to do lists. I really enjoy making lists to help me keep my priorities in order.

I think you spelled one word wrong there, it's "KISS" not "KICK". Simple mistake really.

Schimid gave you some damned good stuff there. I love those Blowpop night lights and you just can't go wrong with the Pee-Wee's holiday special DVD and a healthy set o' moustaches.

Originally Posted by Sam

THE SHORT VERSION: I RECEIVED MYTHICAL ANIMALS AND GROG MINTS FROM POPPERS620. THE MYTHIC BEASTS ATE THE MINTS AND HAD A DRUNKEN ORGY. THANK GOODNESS FOR THE WIPE-AWAY-SINS TOWEL!

Good stuff Sam. I want those mythical animals rock. The expression on Prince Reptilian's face is priceless. Glad you appreciate the fighting unicorns she sent you, unlike the unappreciative jackass from last year.

Originally Posted by poppers620

at the Hyaena Gallery out here in Burbank, CA

www.hyaenagallery.com

That's where Re had her first solo art show, and yeah you should all check it out if you're ever in town cuz they sell all sorts of cool little oddities. I picked up an awesome Frogmen vs. the Radioactive Octopus set from there recently. <3

[poppers620]

dude i just brought home that radiactive squid! Bill gave it to me as the box was fucked up. he now sits next to my bed.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

Originally Posted by Mockery

One question though, what exactly did he send you besides the hand puppet and fake poo? Those things are pretty cheap and I guess I'm just unclear as to what he sent ya. Just wanna make sure you got at least $15 worth o' gifts per our Secret Santa requirements 'n all heheh.

The hand puppet and the poo was the complete haul. The puppet is pretty cool and my secret Santa is a fairly young pup, so I'm not disappointed or anything.

Besides, it's Christmas! Better to give than receive and all that jazz.

I think that with what I got, I put together something decent.

Besides, what do you get a guy with a mounted two-headed chick in his kitchen?

Originally Posted by Mockery

Haha great rhyming story, MarioRPG... I loved that they tagged you. Now you're their bitch... FOREVER. That was a hell of a nice haul too. Really cool of you to send out all that stuff JTP.

My pleasure. Glad you liked the haul MarioRPG, nice to see you enjoying the junk I sent. Awesome rhyming story as well! I started my story off as a rhyme but lacked the dedication.