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  #51  
Sethomas Sethomas is offline
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Old May 31st, 2008, 02:15 AM       
He needed them for a costume.
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  #52  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old May 31st, 2008, 05:32 AM       
"trick or treat, i'm a serial killer"
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  #53  
MetalMilitia MetalMilitia is offline
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Old May 31st, 2008, 08:52 AM       
The bit were adam is like "DON'T MOVE" and eve is all like "WHAT U R DOIN" then adam cuts a snake in half that is just about to bite eve in the head.
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  #54  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old May 31st, 2008, 10:31 AM       
and then adam goes off and you think he's left and eve goes to fill up her canteen and then a crocodile jumps out of the water and bites on to it! and then adam comes out of nowhere and wrestles it and stabs it to death

that was the best
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  #55  
Kybo Ren Kybo Ren is offline
ni kar'tayl gar darasuum
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 03:26 AM       
Finaly found one of my favorite "bible verses" of all time:
From chapter 35:
"And Jesus was eight years old, and he left Jericho and went toward the Jordan. And there was beside the road, near the bank of the Jordan, a cave in which a liones was feeding her cubs; no one could take the road with safety. Now Jesus, coming from Jericho and having learned that a lioness had given birth in that cave, entered it within sight of everyone. But as soon as the lions saw him, they ran to meet him and worshiped him. And Jesus sat down in the cave, and the cubs ran this way and that around his feet, caressing him and playing with him. The old lions, however, remained at a distance with their heads bowed; they worshiped him and slowly wagged their tails before him. Then the people, standing far from the cave and not seeing Jesus, said, 'If he or his parents had not committed great sins, he would not have offered himself to the lions.' And while the people were having these thoughts and feeling overwhelmed with sadness, suddenly, in the presence of all, Jesus came out of the cave, with the lions preceding him and the cubs playing at his feet. His parents stood far off, because of the lions, and did not dare to join them. Then Jesus said to the people, 'How much better than you are wild beasts, which recognize their Master and glorify him, while you, men, created in the image and knowledge of God, do not know him. Beasts recognize me and become meek; men see me and do not recognize me.' "
From Chapter 36:
"After this, Jesus crossed the Jordan with the lions in the sight of all, and the water of the Jordan parted to the left and to the right. Then he said to the lions in such a way as to be heard by all, 'Go in peace and do not harm to anyone; but let no one harm you until you have returned to the place from which you came.' And the lions saluted him, not with their voices, but with the attitude of their bodies, and went back into the cave. And Jesus returned to his mother."

translated from the Latin version of Saint Jerome


8 year old Jesus talking down to humans, kicking it with lions whom he encourages to defend themselves (if necessary) and doing the old water parting trick (sans staff, eat it Moses), missing years Jesus rocks! also schooling the scholars is swell as well.
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  #56  
Sethomas Sethomas is offline
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 05:27 AM       
...except that's not actually from the bible.

Where's that expression from?
-Chapter 35.
Chapter 35 of...?
-The Bible, jackass!!
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  #57  
Kybo Ren Kybo Ren is offline
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 05:43 AM       
i said "bible verses"
what no love for the Jerome? Ned Flanders likes it
and what about Thomas?
"To pretend they do not exist because we do not see them is like pretending that we never sleep because we have never caught ourselves asleep."

I just can't abide by learning only what the church says we should learn. the pope's a jerk- I liked him better as a jr nazi then the spiritual leader of millions who damns all non-catholics to hell. way to spread the love
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  #58  
Sethomas Sethomas is offline
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 06:04 AM       
Yes, you did say "bible verses", and therein lies the evidence that you are stupid.

Jerome did not write The Gospel of Thomas. Also, the bible was not written by Joseph Ratzinger. Also, you are stupid.
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  #59  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 04:32 PM       
It was written by John Ratzenberger
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  #60  
Kybo Ren Kybo Ren is offline
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Old Jun 7th, 2008, 05:27 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sethomas View Post
Yes, you did say "bible verses", and therein lies the evidence that you are stupid.

Jerome did not write The Gospel of Thomas. Also, the bible was not written by Joseph Ratzinger. Also, you are stupid.

"bible verses" not bible verses
jerome DIDN'T? here I thought God came down and wrote everything with a burning pencil
Also, John Ratzenberger rules- props to Major Derlin
Also, "the book of Norm" gives real insight on not coveting wives
Also, everyone's stupid by someones standard- lucky I'm in America where the bar is real low
USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA
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  #61  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:20 PM       
so I don't know if you guys read the one I posted but it went like this:

Moses was doing what god wanted and had befriended aaron and what-whores and was buddies with god and was walking to egypt to do his tasks when suddenly he comes to kill moses to kill his friend/accomplice and so his wife cuts off someone's foreskin and throws it at his feet and says YOU ARE A BRIDEGROOM OF BLOOD and so god leaves.

Foreskins protect you from god and apparantly you marry foreskins?
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  #62  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 10:53 PM       
Oh I guess my bible verse wasn't cool enough for your ugly fucking bible-ingesting vaginas.
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