Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Discussion Forums > Movies & Television
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Shadowdancer21b Shadowdancer21b is offline
Member
Shadowdancer21b's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Utah
Shadowdancer21b is probably a spambot
Old Sep 21st, 2010, 03:12 AM        "Manos" The Hands of Fate
"MANOS" the Hands of Fate is one of the most infamous films in America. It is regarded to be the worst film in the world by some. Those fortunate folk have never seen Porno Holocaust or Axe'em. To see hilarious reviews of those films check out thecinemasnob.com! That guy watches movies that do not exist in my wildest nightmares! I have seen "Horror Rises from the Grave" here people.

Now, back to the review. Mike, his wife Laurie, and their daughter Debbie are on a road trip, taking their black poodle with them. The dog's name is...I honestly don't know if they ever named the dog. I've seen this movie 15 times and I just don't know. We'll call her Puppy. They are travelling in the vicinity of the West Texas town of El Paso where I fell in love with a Mexican girl. Not really. There is a very long travel montage with some lady singing about...I really can't tell because the sound quality is so bad. Eventually we get a break from the travel montage to hear a rockin' and rollin' song about cars, or girls, or both while two people who are supposed to be teenagers but look at least 24, are making out in a car. They watch the family drive by, and wonder where they could possibly be going, since the road leads to nowhere. This is important but they just go back to kissing and drinking what looks like vanilla extract.

Back with the family, Debbie complains about being cold, so Laurie invites her to come up to the front seat and sit with the family. We also are treated to the most forced and desperate rendition of "Row, Row, Your Boat" I have ever heard. I went to public school in Ogden, Utah.

Eventually the deputies come by and tell the "teens" to piss off. They complain about "the man" bothering them when there are other people further down the road. This will be the second time in the film the deputies come and tell the "teens" to "git". The family comes to a strange house with an even stranger caretaker.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Torgo! He looks and probably smells, like a hobo. He wears a battered and floppy hat, dusty coveralls, and a patchy suit jacket. To complete his hobo outfit he has the requisite bizarre staff. Hobos in your area DON'T pretend to be wizards? Hmmmmm. He stands there awkwardly for a few minutes and then announces, haltingly that he is Torgo. He watches over the place while the Master is away.

Torgo has REALLY big knees. I think this is supposed to indicate that he has a deformity, perhaps even that his legs bend backward, like a satyr. I like to think that was what the director was going for. After some badgering from Mike (this is his defining character trait) Torgo agrees to let them stay the night and even helps with the bags. If I were Torgo I would have simply said "Piss off, or the Hands of Fate will push you into the yawning abyss!" and start waving my weird staff around. Then again, that would have made the movie even shorter. Believe it or not, this movie is under 70 minutes long.

Now, I'm going to stop the synopsis here and get into speculative territory and critiquing. This film was made using a Bell and Howell bargain camera that could only record 30 SECONDS of footage at a time. This will help the movie make more sense. The Master, who is a stone cool pimp, has a harem of about eight wives. The wives are, along with Torgo, disciples of Manos, who, the Master tells us in his prayers, is the God of Primal Darkness. The Hands of Fate are apparently the spiritual force that guides the Master and all followers of Manos. I think that Manos is supposed to be some sort of Lovecraftian Outer Horror. Those stories had enjoyed a resurgence in popularity in the 60s, leading up to the poorly-made, but still somehow true to the story, film adaptation of the Dunwich Horror. Give that one a look. I found it interesting.

The scene in this movie that gets the most time is a brawl between the wives (of the Master) over what they should do regarding the family. This dogmatic quarrel leads to a very real one. A completely unscripted, unchoreographed clusterfuck. All during this scene we hear an attempt at using a clarinet for horror music. No, seriously.

Parting thoughts on this film are, I wonder what could have been accomplished with a budget and time and such. This film was made over a three-day weekend and had a budget of under $8,000.00 according to one story I read. Other thoughts are that the acting is horrible, with the exception of the Master, who never breaks character or stoops to chewing the scenery, with his Freddie Mercury mustache and black robe featuring a giant pair of red hands. Yes, I plan to cosplay the Master at some point.

Overall, this movie is bad, but it can be enjoyable. I recommend watching the MST3K version.

This film is not capable of being rated by my meager system. So I will give it 3 cans of Mountain Dew and a bag of of guacamole Doritos



Shadowdancer out!
__________________
The World of Madness is gaining new residents daily.

Last edited by Shadowdancer21b : Sep 22nd, 2010 at 02:30 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Shadowdancer21b Shadowdancer21b is offline
Member
Shadowdancer21b's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Utah
Shadowdancer21b is probably a spambot
Old Sep 22nd, 2010, 02:12 PM       
"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman, giving all your love to just one Manos."
__________________
The World of Madness is gaining new residents daily.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Dr Tongue's 3D House
The Doctor's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2010
The Doctor is probably a spambot
Old Sep 22nd, 2010, 04:16 PM       
I have only watched the MST3K version and I am sure that would be the only one I could sit through it was funny as hell. Torgo is the show stealer.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Mockery Mockery is offline
Pickled Patriarch
Mockery's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Mockery is probably a real personMockery is probably a real person
Old Sep 22nd, 2010, 04:27 PM       
Pjalne already reviewed this on the site years ago:


http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/manos
__________________
Talent, vigor, drive...
You'll eat peanut butter the rest of your life.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Aries Aries is offline
skank pronger
Aries's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Providence/Boston
Aries is probably a spambot
Old Sep 22nd, 2010, 06:07 PM       
I wonder what The Master was like as a kid. Hmmm...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
darkvare darkvare is offline
taco loving zombie
darkvare's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: zacatecas mexico bitches
darkvare is probably pretty okdarkvare is probably pretty okdarkvare is probably pretty ok
Old Sep 22nd, 2010, 08:48 PM       
me and my manos like this movie btw mano even thought it means hand can also mean buddy
__________________

SANTO el enmascarado de plata
Reply With Quote
  #7  
executioneer executioneer is offline
OH GOD
executioneer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2001
executioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contestexecutioneer won the popularity contest
Old Sep 23rd, 2010, 11:31 AM       
is it short for hermano like bro is short for brother
__________________
[COLOR=purple][COLOR=Magenta]SHAME ON A [COLOR=Pink]NIGGA WHO TRY TO RUN [/COLOR][URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVGI6mhfJyA"]GAME[/URL] ON A NIGGA[/COLOR]
[/COLOR]
Reply With Quote
  #8  
darkvare darkvare is offline
taco loving zombie
darkvare's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: zacatecas mexico bitches
darkvare is probably pretty okdarkvare is probably pretty okdarkvare is probably pretty ok
Old Sep 24th, 2010, 02:18 PM       
yep
__________________

SANTO el enmascarado de plata
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Shadowdancer21b Shadowdancer21b is offline
Member
Shadowdancer21b's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Utah
Shadowdancer21b is probably a spambot
Old Oct 12th, 2010, 02:29 PM       
Someone is attempting a sequel. www.torgolives.com
__________________
The World of Madness is gaining new residents daily.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:56 AM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.