Quote:
Peter: This onboard computer has three languages! English:
Computer: Turn left now.
Peter: Spansh:
Computer: Va a la izquierda ahora.
Peter: and Yakov Smirnof:
Computer: In Soviet Russia, car turns you!
|
Computer: Fork in road ahead. In Soviet Russia, car forks you!
I love Family Guy so much, there are too many quotes from it to list.
But if I have to pick one, the one that comes to mind right now is:
Peter: I'm not drunk, I'm just tired, because I've been up all night drinking!
or how about this
Peter: If there was a stupid and ugly contest, you'd all win! Or lose, whichever is funnier.
Stewie: Oh look, its Cirhossis, the wonder puppy.
Brian: I'm not drunk, I just have a speach impediment, *throws up* and a stomach virus, *falls off of bar stool* and an inner ear infection.
Brian (on Stewie): I'm a pompous little anti-christ who will probably abandon my dreams of world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim.
Salesmen: You could take the boat, or... you could take whatever is in this mystery box!
Lois: Well don't be ridicuolous, we'll take the boat.
Peter: Wait, Lois, its a mystery box! It could be anything! Even a boat! You know how much we've wanted a boat!
Lois: That was easily the stupidest thing you've ever done Peter!
Peter: I don't know, remember that time at the salesmens office?
Salesmen: You could take the boat, or... you could take whatever is in this mystery box!
Lois: Well don't be ridicuolous, we'll take the boat.
Peter: Wait, Lois, its a mystery box! It could be anything! Even a boat! You know how much we've wanted a boat!
Lois: Peter for Gods sake, take that bag off your head while your driving!
Peter: No can do Lois, I don't want to ruin the surprise.
Lois: Well than at least let me drive!
Peter: Ha, women driving, you know thats illegal Lois.
Stewie: If you were cooking any slower... well you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all now would you! No, thats no good. Oh here we go. If you were cooking any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you'd need an egg calender! Thats right, I went there.
Meg: Your hogging up all the fans!
Chris: Ya, well, your hogging up all the ugly!
Peter: You know whats good for stains? Sex with another man
Lois: *grabs Peters crotch* See this! This is mine! This is where I get my babies!
Mother Maggy: (to Stewie): Piss of you bloody little wanker!
Brian (to Stewie): I thought it would be better if you found out on your own. *Comfortingly* You wanna go get some ice cream? *Stewie shakes his head* You wanna go get some McDonalds? *Stewie shakes his head* You wanna go take a dump in Mother Maggy's shoes? *Stewie wipes a tear from his cheek and nods*
Ok, lets go take a dump in Mother Maggy's shoes.
Peter: My mom always used whiskey with me when I had a toothache. *Flashback to infant Peter* My tooth hurts. *Thrown whiskey bottle smashes into the wall behind him*
KISS forum host: Alright, lets take some calls.
Caller #1: KISS rocks!
KISS forum host: Good call, good call.
Caller #2: Uh, KISS blows. Ya, KISS blows nuts man.
Peter: Trace the call, trace the call.
KISS forum host: Is this Dennis the Young, lead singer from Styx? Come clean you fat douche!
Caller #2: Ya, its me... its Dennis.
KISS forum host: Alright Dennis, how about I crank up the Detroit Rock City, and then play some Come Sail Away, and see how they stack up side by side! How would you like that you high voice bastard! We'll be right back.
Lois: Chaim?
Peter: LOIS! You do not address KISS unless they address you first!
Lois: Chaim Witz?
Gene Simmons: Which one you want me to sign? Left or Right?
Lois: I'm Lois Pewterschmidt! From the New York High School of Art!
Gene Simmons: Wow! Hey guys, this is the girl I was talking about! Loose Lois!
Ace Freheley: Wow, Loose Lois, the legend herself!
Peter Criss: My grand slam was supposed to be with sausages.
Gene Simmons: So, is anyone nailing you now?
Lois: Yes, my husband nails me. This is him.
Peter: You... guys.... are... GODS!
Gene Simmons: Ya, thats nice. Hey, we're laying down some tracks in Boston next month, maybe you should stop on by.
Lois: That'd be nice Chaim.
Peter: Lois, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. Your the coolest wife ever! I can't believe it! My wife did KISS!
KISS forum host: Alright today on KISS forum, we got a special guest for you today, Peter Griffin, and his wife Lois. So Lois, I hear you did KISS?
Lois: Thats right.
KISS forum host: Awesome! Peter, how does it feel knowing your wife has done KISS?
Peter: It feels like I've done KISS too. And its a good feeling.
KISS forum host: Ok, thats all the time we have for KISS forum, stay tuned for Battlestar Galactica forum, coming up next. *puts on a Battlestar Galactical helmet* Welcome to Battlestar Galactica Forum.
Sorry about the rambling quotes, but I knew and loved so many of them, I couldn't stop!