I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips)

[ThrashO]

Has anyone seen the shocker video of the guy sitting on a pickle jar and then it breaks in his ass? I haven't seen the video but I saw a gif of it on 4chan. It's pretty brutal

I now take tender care whenever I wipe.

[k0k0]

I did see the video a long time ago. It was horrible and he was remarkably calm about it all after it happened. Even as all that blood was pouring out onto the tile.

[ThrashO]

Just the crunching of the glass and the way he kind of panicked pulling all those bloody pieces out... fuuuuuckkkk



I heard that that's his thing though. Asshole torture. I imagine that was a one time dealy though.

[dextire]

Originally Posted by Kitsa

They lubed him up and delivered it like a baby, with forceps.

I'm afraid the comma didn't stop my brain from seeing this.

[Pentegarn]

Originally Posted by Pram Maven

If I put everything everywhere it shows up, then why, after a month and a half of my absence, are you still linking to a thread about me? You had plenty of opportunity to let it go, but something tells me you don't want to because you know it does me harm every time you post with it in your sig.

So how, and I am honestly asking this, how my deluded friend, is this magically showing up on your resume? You do know what a resume is right? It is something we either type up ourselves or have someone type for us to display our skills in a concise streamlined format. Let's say for the sake of argument you hired someone else to type your resume for you and they included "i-mockery.com -5 years of acting the fool and being a pedophile rapist bigot etc". Let's further say you then took that resume sight unseen and spread it about town. In your delusion of accountability, did it ever occur to you my puffed up little poppinjay, that you could have stopped this resume from being distributed in several different points of this little scenario?

As for me leaving the links in my sig, I am simply too lazy to edit my sig, nor do I have any real motivation to bother doing so

[dextire]

You guys have some serious stamina dealing with the Microshocks' of the world.
After a while my eyes glaze over and all I see is:

[Kitsa]

I don't know what would have happened, it probably would have turned into a surgeons' problem. We shipped 'em out and often didn't hear from them again.

A lightbulb is fairly small, if delicate. I did read or hear (can't remember which) about some guy who wanted to make a cast of his rectum and filled it with cement via an enema bag. I know that one turned into a big problem because it actually did set up, plus he had lye burns inside his ass.

We got lots of people with vibrators up their butts. The "ass box" on Scrubs was pretty true to life, although to the best of my knowledge our ass-artifacts lived on only in stories. They usually let the batteries die down, dilate their sphincters and go fishing for it. Or they tell them to "bear down like you're pooping" and that's always a fun thing to watch.

[ThrashO]

Well taking a dump feels great so it must feel even better when things are going in

The added adrenaline rush of keeping your anus relaxed enough to not shatter paper-thin glass and ruin your entire life must be one of the greatest highs known to man.

If only we could mix this and bungee jumping.

or what if... the lightbulb...

WAS THE ONLY THING ATTACHED TO THE CORD.

[Kitsa]

Didn't Bam Margera do something with a kite and anal beads? I think it's on Youtube somewhere. I'd go looking but I'm watching a movie on Netflix right now.

[Colonel Flagg]

Originally Posted by Kitsa

I did read or hear (can't remember which) about some guy who wanted to make a cast of his rectum and filled it with cement via an enema bag. I know that one turned into a big problem because it actually did set up, plus he had lye burns inside his ass.

The inherent stupidity of the human race has no bounds.

[Kitsa]

Lye? Lime?

Lime, probably.

[Colonel Flagg]

Originally Posted by Kitsa

Didn't Bam Margera do something with a kite and anal beads?

NSFW

Spoilers!

I'd heard a story about someone who tried to extend his "sexytime" by using anal beads during intercourse. Apparently, though he stopped reading where it said you needed to pull them out s..l..o..w..l..y for it to have the desired effect. Instead, he yanked the crank at the moment of rapture, and sprayed the exterior of his body, and that of his partner with something other than "love juice".

[Kitsa]

He's lucky he didn't prolapse his rectum.

[Pentegarn]

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg

NSFW

I am not 100% sure but that might be an urban legend, I have heard that story before as well but it was a woman

[Kitsa]

It sounds like something that could maybe be a commonplace rookie mistake.

[Pentegarn]

Originally Posted by dextire

You guys have some serious stamina dealing with the Microshocks' of the world.
After a while my eyes glaze over and all I see is:

The idiots in question are like little exploding pockets of stupidity that are fun to goof on though

[Kitsa]

I drank a lot of really cheap wine. This means I feel awesome in like 5-minute stretches. Most of the time the neurological shit my body throws at me when I've imbibed makes the whole thing very not-worth-it, but tonight I was drinking it in the vain attempt to get a spasmed bicep to let the fuck go.

No luck so far but my mouth is stained purple pretty good

[ThrashO]

Originally Posted by Pentegarn

I am not 100% sure but that might be an urban legend, I have heard that story before as well but it was a woman

The "urban legend" I heard was that a chick asked a dude to come over and they start getting down and dirty, and he realizes she has rubber sheets. At first he thinks it's weird but apparently she's a total fox so whatever. Then she starts putting anal beads in his ass and he's like "whatever, this chick is sexy as hell and i'm open to new things and am also Pram Maven" and then all of a sudden she tears them out of his ass, he shits EVERYWHERE and she plays in it and he gets too weirded out and leaves her to her mess.

I've always heard it explained as "this is too weird I'm leaving" and I can just picture a guy casually spray-shitting all over an entire bedroom and just looking at it going "hmmm... weird..."

[Kitsa]

I think I read something like that on PoopReport years ago, now that you mention it.

[Fathom Zero]

I figured out how to scan negatives using a regular scanner. Goodbye, shitty Walgreens and your terrible prints.

[Pentegarn]

Originally Posted by ThrashO

"whatever, this chick is sexy as hell and i'm open to new things and am also Pram Maven"

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Thrash0 again"

[Kitsa]

Dammit, I hate walking through peoples fartclouds in public places.

[k0k0]

Would you walk through 30 minutes of people's fart clouds for 100 dollars?

[Zhukov]

One passed me by today and everyone to the left of where I was standing thought it was me. God damn it.

[Kitsa]

I don't know. I was at the grocery store, which makes it a bit grosser, and it was one of those that's so foul you can almost taste it.