Feb 19th, 2003, 04:09 PM
I Salute the Curb Stomp
Throughout numerous urban neighborhoods in America, people of all cultures have enjoyed the wonderous activity known as the curb stomp for many years. It is a heinously beautiful act of love that can be employed by all Americans, regardless of race, gender, or religion. Indeed, the curb stomp truly represent all things sacred and malevolent.
To those unfamiliar with the curb stomp, it is a rather simple act involving two partners. One partner lies on his stomach, preferrably after being horribly beaten into submission or held at gunpoint, and places both sets of lovely choppers onto a sidewalk. His tender and loving partner, showing his unconditional hatred, then stomps on the back of the first guy's head either once or repeatedly, thus shattering his teeth and spreading joy, happiness, and brain matter onto the sidewalk.
I, for one, am an avid and loyal fan of the curb stomp, and would love to spread its teachings to those less fortunate and without curbs of their own, such as starving children in Africa or kids in sweat shops at Mongolia. If I had the money, I would open a 'Redecorate the Sidewalks' foundation and spread the curb stomp's many blessings upon the rest of the world.
Before I found comfort in the curb stomp, I was a dishelveled man. I would often mope about my residence, sometimes in underwear, sometimes not, and wonder why baby black Jeebus put me on this Earth. But now, after the curb stomp's glorious teachings, I know why. And life.. is beautiful.
To those not yet enlightened, please go to the nearest video store and rent American History X, fast forward to the end, and watch Edward Nortan curb-stomp a black guy. It will change your life, just like it has changed mine.
Curb bless you.
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