Funny commentary on cancellation of 'Bull Durham' tribute

[KevinTheOmnivore]

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/caple/030411.html

What a load of 'Bull'
By Jim Caple
Page 2 columnist

Just when it seemed that there could be no bigger horses asses in sports than America's favorite couple in Augusta, along comes Dale Petroskey.

In case you missed it, the Baseball Hall of Fame president just cancelled a celebration that would have honored the movie "Bull Durham" due to anti-war statements made by two of the movie's stars, Susan Sarandan and Timothy Robbins.

This movie was about going to "the show," not going to Iraq.

You know what this means don't you? That's right. The Cooperstown salute to Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" is postponed indefinitely.

Petroskey, a former PR flack for the Reagan administration, said that while all Americans are guaranteed the right to free speech, this right only applies to Republicans, not to liberal actors such as Sarandon and Robbins. Well, that's not exactly what he said, but it's certainly what he meant. Petroskey went so far as to say that by daring to criticize the government, Sarandon and Robbins "ultimately could put our troops in even more danger."

Way to hyperventilate, Dale. I mean, you've got to be some sort of buffoon to attempt to turn a 15-year-old movie about minor leaguers and baseball groupies into a statement on patriotism.

With Petroskey in charge, I guess Hall of Fame candidates will be judged not only on their batting average and ERA but also on their political affiliations. Pete Rose not only will have to apologize for betting on baseball, he'll have to apologize for voting for Al Gore.

I can just see future Hall of Fame plaques:

Lifetime .310 hitter who led AL in batting four times. Hit 476 career home runs, drove in 1,328 runs and stole 326 bases. Two-time MVP, eight-time gold glove winner and 13-time All-Star who strongly favored the elimination of taxes on stock dividends.


Robbins quite effectively and rightly responded to Petroskey by writing: "I had been unaware that baseball was a Republican sport.... (Petroskey) has sullied baseball. He has sullied free speech.''

Initially, I was as appalled as everyone by Petroskey's stance. But then I went back over the DVD special director's cut edition of "Bull Durham,'' I found that Sarandon and Robbins were a tad heavy-handed with their politics ...


SCENE 5: CRASH EXPLAINS WHAT HE BELIEVES TO ANNIE BEFORE WALKING OUT THE FRONT DOOR OF HER HOUSE ...


ANNIE: What do you believe in, then?


CRASH: I believe in the soul, the small of a woman's back, high fiber, the hanging curveball, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are overrated, self-indulgent pieces of crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, open your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, wet kisses that last three days. Good-night.


ANNIE: Excuse me? Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone? Good Lord. You don't really believe that, do you?


CRASH: Ummm, yeah. That's what I said.


ANNIE: So you accept the magic bullet theory the government made up? That a single bullet entered Kennedy through his back, then angled upward and exited through his neck, then waited 1.6 seconds, made a right-hand turn, continued into Connolly's armpit, traveled through his chest, struck his right wrist and then lodged in his thigh, from where it fell out in almost perfect condition? You swallow all that?


CRASH: Errr ... Ummmmm ... well ...


ANNIE: And you still believe he acted alone, even though the House Select Committee found in 1979 that Kennedy's assassination was likely the result of a conspiracy?


CRASH: Well ... you see ... ummmm ...


ANNIE: Don't you realize the assassination was a conspiracy orchestrated by the military industrial complex to keep us involved in Vietnam? That they were afraid they would lose their defense contracts if Kennedy stayed in power? That they continue to run the country? My God, did you even see Oliver Stone's movie, "JFK"?


CRASH: Not exactly, but ...


ANNIE: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a man who is naïve enough to believe anything our government tells him.


SCENE 18: CRASH TRIES TO IMPART SOME WISDOM TO NUKE ...


CRASH: Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everyone out. Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls -- it's more democratic. So relax, let's have some fun, OK? It's fun dammit!


NUKE: Democratic? What does democracy have to do with anything these days? When the current president stole the election? When the presidency was decided not by the voters but by politically appointed judges? When Florida blacks who would have made the difference in the final vote were denied access to the polls?


CRASH: Shut up and pitch, meat.


SCENE 22: THE BULLS PITCHING COACH GOES TO THE MOUND WHERE CRASH, NUKE AND THE REST OF THE INFIELD ARE HAVING AN INTENSE DISCUSSION ...


COACH: What the hell's going on out here?


"Listen, if you don't get this guy to ground out we're going to be late for the boycott grapes rally."

CRASH: Well, we need a live rooster -- was it a live rooster? -- a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove. Nobody seems to know what to get Millie and Jimmy for their wedding present. And Nuke is convinced that the war in Iraq is immoral and the only reasons we're over there are to take over the oil wells, line the pockets of vice-president Cheney and divert the country's attention from the terrible economy. Is that about it? We're dealing with a lot of s---.


COACH: Well, candlesticks always make a nice gift and maybe you can find out where she's registered ... maybe a nice place setting or a silverware pattern. And as far as Iraq, Cheney's ties to Halliburton are suspicious but Saddam Hussein is a sadistic, murderous dictator in clear violation of United Nations resolutions 687, 1284 and 1441, which gives us legal justification for the war. OK? Is that it? Let's get two!

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The saddest part of all this is the other movie celebrations that will have to be cancelled. After all, I hear that Cooperstown was planning to reunite the Bad News Bears this summer but then Petroskey found out that in addition to being a booger-eating spaz, Kelly Lupus is also a member of the Socialist Workers party.


Of course, there is some good news to the "Bull Durham" cancellation. It means Robert Wuhl won't be at Cooperstown, either. Which, quite frankly, probably makes it all a wash.


Pete Rose better have voted Republican.
-30-

[FS]

Don't try to strike everyone out. Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls -- it's more democratic.

[mburbank]

Now that the war is basically over and the troops won't be endangered by speech, the events back on, right? I mean, it is, ins't it?

[VinceZeb]

This guy is just bitching and moaning. They are excerising their free speech rights just as Tim and Susan did. I know he doesn't believe in the whole "Actions Have Conquences" business, but it does exist in reality.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

In the process of "exercising his right," he spoiled something that I'm sure some people, even those in support of the war, might agree with.

The consequences of his actions are that he looks like a petty jackass who doesn't like anybody who disagrees with him.

[FS]

I didn't know impairing on another person's right of free speech fell under free speech as well.

[VinceZeb]

FS, how is he imparing on his right to free speech? Is he sending him to jail, suing him, or doing anything that prevents him from being anit-war? Nope. Free Speech only applies when the govt is trying to jail you or infringe on your right to say whatever you wish. It does not apply to private coroporations or public assemblies or anything else. If the HOF is a private insitution, then they can do whatever they want. If it is public, than they have to allow them to come because the govt would be punishing them for what they say, and that is not allowed. The citizens and the private sector, however, can do whatever they want in the constraint of law.

[mburbank]

WITHIN the constraintS OF the law.

Can you please learn to write?

"Whatever they want in the constraint of the law" means exactly the opposite of what you want it to mean. It would mean they are allowed to disobey the law.

It's one thing to be hasty and choose your words poorly, but when you end up saying the opposite of what you mean, how can you still think of yourself as 'someone who speaks in 'intelligent sentences'?

[FS]

I'm not saying Petroskey was doing something illegal by cancelling the party, but I'd hardly chalk that up to free speech. Telling someone to shut up could be considered free speech. Removing that festively painted crate someone put in the street because you're afraid someone might think it to be a soapbox, could not.

[VinceZeb]

Max, I apologize for typing something when I was drowsy and just woke up after a long weekend.

If you quit being a pretentious Jew, I will put the time in to type more coherently on here.

[sspadowsky]

I think you should put in the time to type more coherently with the simple goal of not sounding like a complete fucking moron.
________
DAIHATSU COSTA SPECIFICATIONS

[VinceZeb]

If I cared enough about what you think to type properly, I would do so.

[Protoclown]

Dammit, Spad! Quit holding him back! Look at him wallowing in his indifference, feeling no motivation to type anything that makes sense.

If YOU would just show your support, Vince could RISE UP above the festering pit of bad grammar and spelling, and actually make something of himself. But he can't do it without you, buddy. HE NEEDS YOU, MAN!!! WHY WON'T YOU BE THERE FOR HIM??? OH, WHY YOU FICKLE CRUEL MAN????

[KevinTheOmnivore]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp...nguage=printer

washingtonpost.com
Hall of Fame President Issues Apology

By BEN WALKER
The Associated Press
Friday, April 18, 2003; 4:44 PM

The baseball Hall of Fame president issued an apology Friday, saying he was sorry he failed to call Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon last week before canceling a "Bull Durham" celebration because of the actors' anti-war stance.

In an open letter to the 28,000 people who called or sent a letter or e-mail to the Hall, Dale Petroskey blamed himself for bringing politics into the shrine.

"I inadvertently did exactly what I was trying to avoid," the former Reagan administration official wrote. "With the advantage of hindsight, it is clear I should have handled the matter differently."

"I am sorry I didn't pick up the phone to have a discussion with Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon rather than sending them a letter," he said.

Petroskey made no mention of whether he still believed the decision to scrap the event was the right one.

A Hall spokesman said Robbins and Sarandon were sent this latest letter before it was posted on the shrine's Web site. Petroskey was traveling Friday and unavailable for comment.

Robbins and Sarandon were scheduled to appear April 26-27 in Cooperstown, N.Y., to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the popular baseball movie. Instead, Petroskey surprised the co-stars last week with a letter sent via Federal Express, telling them he'd called off the festivities because they'd criticized the war in Iraq.

"Politics has no place in the Hall of Fame," Petroskey wrote Friday. "There was a chance of politics being injected into the Hall during these sensitive times, and I made a decision to not take that chance."

A day after Petroskey's decision became public April 9, the Hall received 5,000 e-mails, both pro and con. Overall, the Hall of Fame said sentiment was running slightly against the stance.

Hall of Fame pitcher Don Sutton supported the decision and said, "I think Petroskey articulated it perfectly."

"The events of the past week show us all that the game burns brighter than ever and continues to stir passions in many people," Petroskey wrote.

Petroskey, a former White House assistant press secretary under President Reagan, said in his original letter to Robbins and Sarandon that their recent comments "ultimately could put our troops in even more danger."

Robbins and Sarandon, his longtime partner, have been active in peace rallies to protest the war in Iraq. Robbins said he "dismayed" by the decision and responded with a letter to Petroskey, telling him: "You belong with the cowards and ideologues in a hall of infamy and shame."

The Hall's stance resulted in another cancellation. Author Roger Kahn, whose "Boys of Summer" is considered among the best baseball books ever, called off his August appearance to speak at the Hall in protest.

The "Bull Durham" celebration, planned months in advance, also was to feature actor Robert Wuhl and writer-director Ron Shelton. In the 1988 film, Robbins plays an up-and-coming minor league pitcher and Sarandon plays a fan who helps him focus his erratic talent. Kevin Costner also stars.

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