I've been in the hospital...

[Grandpa Jones]

It was quite a scene the night the paramedics came. I have a bit of a bad memory you see, and I was trying to find my way to the bathroom around 11:00 PM. I must've been really tired because I sat on the edge of my bathtub and thought it was the toilet. (No cenile jokes please.)

Anyways, not to be disgusting but I did my business, and I went to lean back againts the toilet, but as you know it was the tub so I feel backwards. My insticts told me to try and break my fall so I put my arms back, but they collapsed from under me and I fell into my own crap.

One of the most embarrasing things i've ever had happen to me. I hollered loud enough to wake my poor neighbors next door, and the husband came over to help. He felt bad when he saw me, and quickly said he'd call 911.

Paramedics got me, told me I had 2 broken arms and a slipper disc and this and that, and there I was in the hospital for a month.

But the embarrasment doesn't stop there, you see I couldn't operate either of my arms, so when this beautiful nurse kept coming in to help me, i'd get a huge hard on which was clearly visible under the sheets. There was no way for me to hide it, and she laughed and asked if i'd like some Jello. That was our relationship for the month.

So here I am, explaining this to all of you because I have nobody else and i'm too embarrased to leave the house.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I love old people poop stories..

[ArrowX]

Did anyone hear about the guy whos outhouse collapsed when he was taking a shit. Causing him to fall into the poop and he was held in place by nails from the seat lodged in is ass and hips?

He was there for like 3 days

[bump]

I once sat on the toilet only to be assaulted with lemons by a man in a tiny boat.

[eggyolk]

thats funny! being random is funny!