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MattJack MattJack is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Mother F*ckin Dirty (bruh)
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Old May 7th, 2007, 03:52 AM        True Bedroom Stories (Virgins come take notes)
Loveline has been in a rut lately, so share true stories that are fucked up. It doesn't necessarily have to be sex, but you get the idea.

Virgins, take notes because this is what love really looks like.


Over this past fall I dated an alcoholic girl who would always have parties at her house. She probably "blacked out" about 5 nights a week too btw. She was always feeling frisky (probably because of the sauce) and I of course didn't mind this at all.

I know what you are thinking, "Classy MattJack, you got a winner."

First of all, she boyfriended me, but that's a different story all together. I digress.

So one night we are doing the party thing and getting completely faced. She had been giving me those stupid bedroom eyes all night, so I knew what was to come.

Well I thought I knew.

So we stumble back in the bedroom and start doing that sloppy make-out-take-off-clothes-romantic-comedy thing. So finally comes the secks.

I think I'm doing this fucking great job, you know, giving it that A+ 100% drunken stuff. As this goes on for a few mins I'm all feeling like I'm the man! I started saying stupid shit like, "Yea!" "Like that?" and whatever other little things that'll make me feel cool n shit.

I start to notice she's being really quiet while I'm trying to obviously set the landspeed record. Then out of nowhere I hear her start snoring loudly. I stopped and kind of shook her,

"Hey.. hey.. you okay?.. You.. awake...?"

Yup, she was dead to the world and was in a complete bear-like hibernation. I just kind of paused, slowly backed out, put on my clothes, and then slit my wrists with a spoon.

lol it cracks me up.

Last edited by MattJack : May 7th, 2007 at 06:31 AM.
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