Let's start off by saying that I have been to the Falls many, many times. My parents honeymooned there, and we went almost every summer. It almost feels like an old friend, albeit a rather cruel one. I got salmonella there once. I broke my leg there once. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, when I'm there I'm usually stricken by something at some point. But most of what I hemorrhage is money.
Niagara Falls, for those who haven't yet traveled there, is a truly impressive natural spectacle. It's an enormous river falling off a fucking cliff. Up close, the roar is deafening, and there's a perma-mist in the air. I think I read somewhere that 20% of the world's fresh water falls over that cliff at some point. You can pay to get on a boat to see it closer, or pay to go down to a platform to see it closer, and I wholeheartedly advise you to do so someday.
However, the vast tourist-trap crust that has formed around the falls themselves has absolutely nothing to do with them, and has become its own entity. I've been going there for 32 years that I remember, and the tourist crap may have been simpler back then but it was always there. Over 100 souvenir shops, funhouses, haunted houses, and the ever present "museums" are all there on Clifton Hill, the street leading down to the falls, with a hand out for your money.
This time, for the sake of the pictures and experience, I went out on a Friday night and said what the fuck and paid what they asked. I paid the money and did the legwork, and I am passing the free pictures on to you.
The first place I stopped was the Criminals Hall of Fame
. This "museum" has been around forever and has remained virtually unchanged for 30 years, not even to dust. I sort of have warm fuzzies for the place, though. The quality is just so very bad. For example:
This is the least convincing depiction of Gary Gilmore
that I have ever seen. They only had one or two male head molds, and you'll see why that's so funny in just a second.
Here's Dahmer. The fridge was filled with Canadian groceries, but the hands on the wall clock behind him were a nice touch.
Lizzie Borden, or as I always call her here, Trannie Borden. To make a female figure, they just slap a wig and makeup on a male head.
Like Trannie and Clyde here.
LINCOLN! BEHIND YOU!
Most of the scenarios have helpful signs near the murderers, to tell you who they were trying to approximate. It'd be anyone's guess otherwise. Here's an 80s-era sign telling us that Ted Bundy confessed the killings. But who's he standing over?
I'm not really sure if they intended to depict this victim as alive or dead. We just know she was wearing Dolly Parton's wig from 9 to 5, that she went to bed in full makeup, and that he surprised her as she was clutching photos of herself and the other victim.
Next post- on to Louis Toussaud's.