Lapdance

[Protoclown]

Okay, so this past weekend one of my friends up in NOVA turned 25, so we went up to Baltimore to a really nice strip club for his birthday. And my friends decided it would be really amusing if they got me a lap dance, so they all chipped in the necessary $30 and gave it to me. And I wasn't ABOUT to turn it down if it wasn't going to cost me a damn thing.

So I found one of my favorite dancers who wasn't busy (this really pretty black girl with gorgeous breasts) and went back into the VIP section with her. I was kind of nervous and unsure when I sat down, but next thing you know, she's rubbing her tits all over my face. My discomfort went away pretty fucking fast at that point and I just started to enjoy the hell out of it. So she's like grinding her big ass all over my crotch and I'm having a great time. My friends told me that I had this big dopey grin on my face the whole time, like I was a kid in a candy shop or something.

Anyway, afterwards they told me that I have absolutely NO excuse whatsoEVER for being shy around women anymore. And you know, having a gorgeous black girl rubbing her boobs all over your face really does kind of FORCE you to put away your fears. Anyway, I'd never known how soft a woman's skin was before that. I had never really had any more human contact in the 25 years of my life than handshakes and hugs. I just thought this was kind of amusing, so I figured I'd share.


Oh, and sometimes? On dark and eerie nights, when the wind blows just right...well, sometimes on those nights, if I'm just kind of bored and my mind starts drifting off...I can still feel the PHANTOM ASS gyrating all over my lap. Spooky! OooooooOOOoooOOOoh!

[glowbelly]

OMFG

[Protoclown]

Have you felt the PHANTOM ASS too?

This might just be the next "Spectral Groper".

[FS]

Who are you, and what have you done with Protoclown?

[Protoclown]

I LEFT HIM BEHIND WHEN I BECAME A MAN

(WHO IS STILL A VIRGIN, BUT WHO'S COUNTING ANYWAY )

[noob3]

Woah, did you ask her for it? "May I pay you for a lapdance, pretty lady?"

[GnrySgtHartman]

http://161.58.5.90/fmj/neck.wav

[george]

ha ha. good for you dude!!!

next time invite me along. i love strip clubs, and strippers love me.

we could go to the champagne room.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

Well, why don't you just go pay for sex already? Because that is who you've been getting the miniscule experiences you're accumulating. Paying a stripper to rub her tits in your face, and actually having a relationship with someone is pretty fucking far removed.

[Protoclown]

Hey man, it wasn't MY money, so what the hell do I care?







P.S. (you still suck)

[James]

I'd much rather have a lapdance for free, from a non stripper. That way, you can touch, and you can mess your pants if you wish.

But still, congrats on having a negro rub your steamin' jeans.

[Protoclown]

I'm still confused by how SolidSnakeASS thinks I somehow equated getting a lapdance to having a relationship. THAT STUPID CANADIAN

[James]

One word can always explain SSA's behavior: Oasis

[george]

fuck him.

there is fun in lust and fun in love, and all manner of things are good. anything to open your mind a little.

and what would be so wrong about paying for sex? two consenting adults having sex under fair and honest conditions is way better than hanging around a bar waiting for some chic to get drunk enough to take off her pants.

although drunken, what the hell did i do last night sex is pretty fucking good as well.

have at it proto and enjoy.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

Originally Posted by Protoclown

I'm still confused by how SolidSnakeASS thinks I somehow equated getting a lapdance to having a relationship. THAT STUPID CANADIAN

Learn how to read. What I said is their is a huge difference between the two. With you blabbing on about your lap dance, because it was the first time you had ever touched a girl, I figured I'd point out that the conditions are pretty fucking different. So fucking sad, having a stripper rub her ass on you does not prepare you in any way for women and sex.

[Protoclown]

Well, no shit, Sherlock. ONCE AGAIN, I never equated the two in any way, shape or form. And when have you NOT heard me be the first to state how pathetically sad my own state of affairs is? Yes, I'm fucking pathetic. I realize this, I HAVE known this for years. But at least, despite my relative lack of experience, I know that I'm not as sad and hopeless as you.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

"But at least, despite my relative lack of experience, I know that I'm not as sad and hopeless as you."

Well, seeing as how I have a girlfriend, and am in no shortage of sexual experience, I'm pretty sure you are much more "sad and hopeless."

[Protoclown]

Ha! You silly little man. You think I was talking about sex.

[CaptainBubba]

I lost my virginity when I was a fetus. The nurse saw me on the ultrasound and she was all like, "omg he is so the SEX!"

And so she did me. It was cool. Ya, and I'm better than all of you.

Sexual PSA: lapdances are fun, but messy if they go on too long. Take frequent restroom breaks to clean your shorts of excess semen.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

"Ha! You silly little man. You think I was talking about sex."

No, I thought you were talking about love, meaningful relationships, and sex.

[James]

Which are OBVIOUSLY the three things we think of, when we think of SolidSnakeAss

[Royal Tenenbaum]

Well, I'd hope not, especially cuming from you.

[Jebus]

Snake, do you ever think to yourself "Man, I'm a huge dick."

[wreckreation]

"But at least, despite my relative lack of experience, I know that I'm not as sad and hopeless as you."

Well, seeing as how I have a girlfriend, and am in no shortage of sexual experience, I'm pretty sure you are much more "sad and hopeless."

since when is having a relationship and all that goes with it a testament to the worth of someone? I seriously PITY you for being too insecure and lonely to fend off the ugly g/f i am sure you have. As for sexual experience, i don't believe you, but even then it's in no way a means of saying you are better than someone. Better at what? sticking your dick in holes? I think you are such a fucking insecure little brat that you have to ruin proto's fun because of your own hangups.

[James]

True dat. Proto's my friend, so that alone is reason for me to state that he's a much better person for his experiences (or lack of) than you are for yours. You have a girlfriend, and you get to stick your dick in a couple places on her (maybe). Big whoop.

You're obviously from a time and place where pigheaded barbarians would place their affirmation of masculinity in their sexual endeavors. Well, I have to break it to you, but this is 2003. Sex doesn't mean shit about who you are, and how much worth you have.

Oh, and if your lady enjoys being drilled like sheetrock to the beat of "Wonderwall," then don't let her go no matter what.