Nov 16th, 2009, 09:01 PM
Going Crazy, Thanksgiving 2005.
In May of 2005 I bought Nancy a new car for mothers day. It had been well over two years since we had a car that was not an embarassing POS and I was really excited. Having car payments required that she get a job, and I get a new part time job, but it was really worth it. We went out to lunch to celebrate and have a conversation.
I wanted to talk to nancy about getting divorced. There is a lot of stuff that I have left out of this story mostly cause it would take like a million years to document EVERY fight. I have given you a pretty accurate view of how things were. So, when I asked nancy if she wanted a divorce she was not really too suprised or even angry.
We had a very constructive conversation about all the things that had gone on between us. I thought it was one of the most open and honest conversations we ever had. Of course I left out all the stuff about Erin, and I didn't inquire too much about some troubling rumors about her sex life, but still we both laid out our cases against each other. It is not easy to have a matter of fact conversation about getting divorced, to inspect a relationship that has been the focal point of your life (good or bad) and be antiseptic about it. We came to an agreement.
We would table talk of divorce until after Christmas. From now until then we would both try as hard as possible to be good to each other and the children. We would bury our hatchets, forgive, and try our absolute best to start over. No more going out partying, no more drugs, lies, we would focus our attention on getting our life together back on track.
it was all bullshit.
it took less than three days from that conversation for me to realize that i could never believe a word that came out of her mouth. i guess i knew all along, but i really wanted to try to save both our souls.
we went shopping with the kids. it was a friday night, we were both off work (we were both bar tending at the American Legion) and made plans to watch movies with the kids. they were really excited. it was rare that they spent time with both of us, and for the last few days we had been getting along nicely.
then Nancy's cell phone went off. She read a text message, and with barely a goodbye she was out the door. the kids were devestated. at this point it had really begun to hurt them that she was never around, and when she was she was drunk (she "cleverly" carried around a coffee cup filled with beer EVERYWHERE), or had peed herself. I consouled them and we had our usual sort of fun. But inside i was pissed.
She never came home that night. When she finally did turn up, the kids were all late for their soccer games (the scourage of parents with kids under 12 everywhere), and I was pissed. She said she had been down by the pier (the property we lived on had a private pier we would fish off sometimes) and fallen asleep. it really didn't explain much, but i had shit to do. i took the kids to their games, ran some errands, and then headed home.
on the way home I did something unusual for me. i got suspicious of Nancy's story, and went to the pier on the way home. i dont know exactly what made me decide to go, so far i had managed to get thru life with my eyes closed, but i was just curious (jealous?). I found: an empty 12 pack of beer, a condom wrapper, a lot of cigarette butts. all of this could be explained by other people. then i saw the footprints.
Nancy has good taste in shoes. i like that in a girl. im not one of those fucking freaks who jacks off in shoes or anything, but i DO notice their shoes. Nancy had a pair of shoes with a very unusual tread pattern, and there was a spot where she obviously stood very close to somone, obviously a man. Belly to belly, like you would if you were kissing.
i was pretty mad. rage is not even close to describing how I felt. I mean for fucks sake, THREE FUCKING DAYS??? Why not divorce me? We could be adults, be honest and open, fucking opt out of the whole thing if that is how it was gonna be. COULD I PLEASE GET JUST A LITTLE RESPECT?
and that is how I put it to her. in loud, harsh terms. she just looked at me with big brown eyes. perfectly innocent, might i say hurt eyes. and she said "you're losing your mind."
and like the jedi fucking mind trick it was, i believed her.
TO BE CONTINUED, GOTTA GO SMOKE....