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Rez Rez is offline
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:25 PM        Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks
Today glowbelly finally signed the papers and her thinking's as straight as the rope that previously had a knot tied on it but no longer. or something. at any rate this is a perfectly resonable litmus test thats not influenced by hot-buttered contempt so much as RCS (REGULAR COMMON SENSE).

anyway she has questions for you people doubtlessly lined up to oh-so-subtly flirt with and make insipid allowances for every bad joke she has. filth.

why she's having me post this is a mystery to me. i asked her to do it herself because i was simply "BOARDING WAY TOO HARD" but she insisted and i relented only if i got to add in a question of my own (GUESS WHICH ONE).

PRELUDE: do you read? if yes, go on. if no, go away

OKAY TAKE IT AWAY
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:26 PM       
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:28 PM       
YOU TURKEY
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:33 PM       
just kidding.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

12. have you read them?

13. did you really go to college?

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

15. do you talk in cliches?
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:35 PM       
i'm just gonna go ahead and say NO to all of 'em!
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:39 PM       
RESULTS: you're lazy. you fail.
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I hate this hacker crap!
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:41 PM       
Are you really expecting answers? #4 will lead to some horrifying responses.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:43 PM       
RESULTS: you're supposed to answer the questions, not ask more. you fail.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 03:51 PM       
1. Not unless I'm sure you'd find out if I didn't.

2. Well, do we live in California? That'd be pretty redundant. Other than that, yes.

3. Actually, I'd say it was the neighbour asking for a cup of sugar.

4. I didn't notice the kid was watching until it was too late.

5. Not really, I'm a cat person.

6. Only the gay porn.

7. Fucking man up and make due without.

8. Lie, because I have no shame and am a dirtbag with no prospects.

9. It doesn't matter what I say, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. Technically, I can't even say that or it'll just tumble into more and more trouble.

10. None, I'd be sleeping by the vending machine like my father before me. Incidentally, he went to a party shortly after, but I digress.

11. Amazingly, yes.

12. Some. (2)

13. Only if you count communications as an actual course.

14. HELL YES. When I say cryptic messages it's like "BAM! Shoe is on the other foot now!" See how it feels?

15. Only to make myself feel like a million bucks.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

LOVE, YOUR FIJIAN HOST DAD
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 04:03 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Uh, I would discuss with you that there is an oppurtunaty available and that I might like to take it. :creep
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
Only if it is infact my boss and my boss was GW. I could speakerphone it as long as it's not too late. Of course, if it's late I'm really rude to people calling me.
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4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because you can do better. Also, I broke something and it's hidden in the garage under the pretext of 'fixing' it.
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Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
As part of some sort of Easter Egg hunt, yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Buy more because we budgeted properly and have some savings, except ugh milk, you make it yourself, drink that.
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Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Only if you have shown a tendency to not stick to the budget if it seems we're temporarily affluent.
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Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I think I might start lying about our finances, yeah.
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Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, all of them infact.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
12. have you read them?
Some.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
13. did you really go to college?
I can't remember I was drunk.
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Originally Posted by glowbelly View Post
14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
You'd be briefed beforehand on what things not to say.
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15. do you talk in cliches?
Not at first.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 04:12 PM       
mario: NO RETAKES
publover: pass. but i don't like the answer to number 9. i do, however, admire your honesty.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 04:19 PM       
Can I take this test orally instead?
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 04:28 PM       
Hang on, is a 'snap on account' some sort of tool buying website? I figured it for a work related superannuation fund.

Why the hell do you secretly buy $5000 dollars of tools?
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 04:32 PM       
tadao: NO.

pub: i'm through asking myself that question.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 05:01 PM       
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
A: You wear the torn pantyhose in the family, so yes.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
A: Only if those boobs are yours and you are fucking me in Cali.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
A: No, to test the water yet again, I say that it is a woman who wants to have a 3way.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
A: No, I would be lying. Even if I came within 2 seconds we both know I am not sorry am I am very pleased with myself.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
A: Yes, that is funny and I am going to use that one a lot now. Thank you.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
A: Of course, it's so much kinkier when I come home and your watching my hidden stash and masturbating.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
A: The truth, I'm already busted if you're asking me.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
A: Every single one I had.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
A: I only own dirty German fetish mags.

12. have you read them?
A: I might, in order to learn how to write one sothat I can get rch quick off of people buying my book.

13. did you really go to college?
A: Please don't bring that up. It was one time and I was drunk and he said he would never say anything but then pictures where taken and then guys started calling me all the time and I started to crave it and now... now... GODDAMMIT I NEED A COCK IN MY MOUTH!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
A: Only after I slap you across the face.

15. do you talk in cliches?
A: :SLAP
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 05:09 PM       
@ Love Master Tadao

Moreover, I know a lot of the right answers.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 05:23 PM       
Seth should take this quiz.
Congrats Glowbelly!
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 06:04 PM       
did you marry peter griffin or something?
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Rez Rez is offline
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 06:29 PM       
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

only if it's possible that i can keep it a secret because doing that without you finding out somehow is just too funny. then i would drop it in conversation all nonchalant like and watch you really awkwardly.

bonus points if it's making chumsicles for shark week.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT WOULD BE TALKING TO MYSELF SINCE THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH YOUR NOW EX-HUSBAND AND IT WAS KINDA CREEPYTOWNE. BUT RE: TALKING TO MYSELF ABOUT BOOBS: ALSO KINDA FUNNY IF I MAKE A PRODUCTION OF IT

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

uh no it's a friend jesus christ is that concept so alien these days

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?



5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

what tadao said. cept the puppy dies while licking my ear, whimpering gently.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

i would share only the really bad porn. i would buy only really bad porn. boners kept in check by laughter are the best kind. IT MEANS YOU'RE STILL HUMAN.
JUST KIDDING I WOULDNT KEEP PORN IN A HOUSE THAT CONTAINS JACOB THATS

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

FIELD TRIP TO AMISH COUNTRY
we're going to learn how to milk a cow
goddamn that's awesome

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

run through the truth real quick and get in a ROARING FIGHT ABOUT MY NEEDS.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

a bit of both?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

GHROSS WHAT i dont know-

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

i lost my ability to read in a vomitorium back in '98

12. have you read them?

NO I DONT READ. I DONT BREATHE

13. did you really go to college?

YES AND I WON. I WON COLLEGE

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

no my family needs to be messed with

15. do you talk in cliches?

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU GORGEOUS
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Last edited by Rez : Jul 30th, 2008 at 09:11 PM.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 06:46 PM       
This seems to be all about what we think is a harmless lie. All lies are harmfull but the truth can be harmfull too. It all depends on the issue and the people.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 06:53 PM       
if i was getting a new job that i wouldnt explode with good news about then i would defintely try to think about funny ways of revealing it.

and then when i get told that WE'RE ADULTS AND YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY AND I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST YOU then i can respond with I WAS GUNNA.

but seriously having $5000 worth of tools is too crazy to contemplate.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 07:12 PM       
I have been working on telling the truth since I got involved with my ex. That's like 20 years ago. Financial issues should always be talked about honestly. Porn... that will always be an issue as porn is still considered taboo. The rest is about trust, how much do I trust that you won't flip out on me when you hear the truth. Can you handle the truth? #9 tells me you don't mind being lied to as long as you get what you want. Sure you know the whole story with that one, but if you readthe sentence as it is, it is a bit selfish.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 07:19 PM       
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
BABE, IF YOU WAS MY LADY I TELL YOU ERR'THING.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, and frequently.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
That's a shitty lie, so no.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For spunking too early, on you, or in you if you're not on the pill or if I don't have a domer on.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if your best friend is really gullible and hot.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. I don't care who knows that I enjoy porn.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Bring in all the empties and get milk/cigarettes.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd probably lie.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'd let ya handle it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Depends on how stressed out I am. I mean, a man needs his relief.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Almost exclusively!

12. have you read them?
Almost all of them!

13. did you really go to college?
Still in!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No. But then, I don't like my family so we'd just avoid that.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only when it's bound to amuse or annoy.
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 07:39 PM       
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I would but of course I'd tell my mother first. Priorities after all.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I do not know what eccentricities Californian boobs may or may not possess but yes, I would speak of them if the situation demanded it and who has the right to tell me not to, you? I think not. You see I am a grown man and I'll do what I like, when I like and how I like it and if speaking of Californey boobegry is my preferences then I well speak of them with relish and hopefully with out catching the third degree from YOU, thank you very much.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I have no reason for deceit, I am a gentleman after all. Though if it happened to be someone of let's say a questionable nature then perhaps, for YOUR sake, I might embellish the truth a little but only out of love and admiration for my beautiful lady.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I of course would be saying sorry in a caustic tone. It is not my fault I came early since you refuse to relax your vaginal walls. I am no Cassanova Fabio, I am simply a man and you can't expect me to take all the blame for this fiasco. After saying this I would offer a sincere apology and then give a rousing good speech about teamwork then we may go at it again in 15 minute intervals until we get it right!

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Was it a lie? I was being honest. Do you find it so impossible to believe me responsible of such acts of bravado? Am I lowlier than worm in your eyes? an amoeba, putrid human garbage to be wiped from your filthy toe-toes? My mother was right about you, your a harlot, a vampire drinking deeply my self-esteem and manhood. Does it satiate? Does it quench your bottomless ego you fiend!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
I would if I believed said pornography would upset my Undulating Honey Lilly Flower.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
We can always borrow milk from mother.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Let me worry about fiscal matters my Dumpling Dancer.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Do not worry about it my Mapleberry Cherry. Worse comes to worse we can always borrow money from my mother.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Although I was present for my brothers birthing and thus prepared for the process, I may make a tactical retreat from your side but not for my own sake! I would not want my porcelain clean image of you my Love Thrummer befouled by that most repugnant act of birthing.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I own an extensive library of great literature and a myriad of textbooks on varying subject that suggests that I am very well read.

12. have you read them?
I'll get around to them eventually.

13. did you really go to college?
I-I do not wish speak of this ever again.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I would not have to since my mother would pick up on my unease if you should follow such a line of conversation and interrupt by pointing out some of your more subtle faults. Mumsies is so reliable.

15. do you talk in cliches?

Certainly not sweetheart.
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Esuohlim Esuohlim is offline
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Old Jul 30th, 2008, 08:28 PM       
1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Tell you what now?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
If California boobs are indeed worthy of discussion then I am hell of jealous right now

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It could very well be a girl and my boss. What an age we live in

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
You know why

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I don't have the muscles to prove such a lie

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Yeah, probably, but I don't buy porn anyway so if you found some I'd be the one asking the questions.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Oh shit I don't know Uh well maybe the neighbors have some? Oh god

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
We'd be rich as hell dear don't even worry about it

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
More like we CAN pay rent this month. Unless you had something to do with it

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None I'd be right there with you watching every nauseating second because you told me to

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I don't own ANY get-rich-quick books :bonuspoints

12. have you read them?
Not all of them

13. did you really go to college?
Still am. And not only that bet when I do get my degree I'll hang it up in a conspicuous place so that you'll have to look at it every damn day

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Hopefully I won't have to say a word and the daggers I'll stare into your eyes will be enough.

15. do you talk in cliches?[/quote]
No way that shit really grinds my gears
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