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Old Jan 19th, 2005, 06:51 PM       
I was going to reply, but i figured since I didnt care enough to read anyone elses posts in this thread, that nobodys reading eachothers posts.
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 12:28 AM       
or maybe your just a putz

thank god for saddam hussain

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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 12:43 AM       
Cat #1 Tiny- I named her that because shes compact but weights 12lbs and her feet are extremely tiny so when she walks on you its like four spears stabbing you.

Cat #2 Elmo- self appointed overlord cat who has a thing for bling. Him scuttles (the cat across the street) and East side massive (a lardass cat from the east side of the street) usually hang in a trio in our front yard and just loaf about on sunny days.

Cat #3- Freezie, the one I found on the street in a snowbank freezing to death that one time last year(I posted a thread) I had to give her up to some other family, She likes the Proffessional

Dog #1- Poko Shes a husky/malamute/wolf, shes the most awesomely cool dog in the WORLD she has a deep seeded hatred for smaller dogs. She beat the fuck out of this yappy little shitzu down the road (it has a massive evil underbite), she likes playing soccer.

Dog #2- Bear, he was a mutt we got from this guy my parents know, he was verry truly retarted when it came to the sense of touch, I once kicked a soccer ball across the yard as hard as I could and he ran in the way and my foot caught him square in the head and He just stood there staring for liek 30 seconds then went after the ball

Fish 1,2,3,4

Barbie (sisters)

Dumbo (sisters)

Patrick Moore- I'm not sure why these arent dead yet the youngest one is 2 years old and the oldest one is 4, there the kind of fish you feed to other animals but they just keep getting bigger.
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 12:54 AM       
i'll be nice and only list pets that are living

Paranoia - white and grey male cat. Responds to kitten, because i got him living here with eric, and he has two cats of his own, and everyone always called para 'kitten', cause it was so small. He is still the smallest cat, so it kind of makes sense.

Natasha - female chilean rose-hair tarantula. i get her about two months into eric's and my relationship. i make sure to point out to anyone who comes over than she can walk on the glass and up onto the grate at the top of the cage.

Smudge - grey jersey wooly rabbit. he lives with my parents still. i've had him for a long time. rabbits usually live to be about 5-7 if you're lucky, and smudge is almost 13.
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 03:19 PM       
I had a retarded friend too Mr.Jixby. My friends dogs name was POrky and it was so fat that it couldn't walk up the basement stairs and my friend would stand at the top and yell "POORKY" in a wierd retarded way spitting all the way down the stairs He would then walk away and say "Stupid dog" :/
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 03:23 PM       
cat - Cleo ^.^
ill fuck that bitch so hard in 10 years she'll crack her back and remember my dick - kahljorn
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glowbelly glowbelly is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 04:44 PM       
ricochet - first cat i ever had. he lived up to his name so we gave him to a farm so he could be a mouser.

chippewa - little calico kitty i got from my cousin's barn.

cherokee - chippewa's sister. also a calico. i have no idea what happened to these cats, but we had them for quite some time.

sable - beautiful chocolate lab who was as dumb as a rock. i hated her when we first got her because we were supposed to get a puppy and my mom came home with this lumbering 6 month old lab. she ended up being an amazing animal who i grew to love tremendously. we had to get rid of her when my mom got sick. she went to a friend's house out in the country. she died awhile back, but lived a good life.

crystal - weimeraner puppy who lasted about 2 months at our house. she destroyed everything and we soon realized that she needed much more room than we could provide for her. we sold her to a nice couple who lived out in the country and had 2 acres of land.

zeke - orange and white cat who rocked my socks. he was super rad. he was killed by a vet and i mean that literally. the vet extracted a tooth from his head, but failed to give him a blood test and the anesthetic killed him. motherfucker

whitey - another orange and white cat that was technically my cocaine dealer roommate's cat

spook - lovely kitty who got knocked up by whitey. they had the best calico kittens in the world. i had to get rid of her when i moved in with fat stacey and i cried for a week. some nice couple at the apl took her so i didn't have to leave her there.

rupert - little girl kitty who we thought was a boy who caught some strange neurological disease and had to be put down

wednesday - strange calico cat who loved to take showers. i had to give her up when i moved in with fat stacey, too. i don't think she made it very long at the apl. i try not to think about that.

sophie - another girl kitty. pretty little tabby. she was fatima's but fatima couldn't have her at her apartment so i took her and then i gave her back to fatima when i moved in with fat stacey. fatima gave her to an old lady because her husband hates cats.

inky - boy kitty. black. long hair. he's the one i have now. i love him to pieces. he lays on his back like a dog and also plays fetch.

sylvester - boy kitty. orange tabby. naughty naughty NAUGHTY, but cuddly as hell and purrs like a friggin motorcycle.

i had a bunny, too, and i've had fish, etc...but you know. i figure my post is long enough as it is.
porn is just babies as work-in-progress
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Mr. Oysterhead Mr. Oysterhead is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 08:12 PM       
Beauty, Scruffy, Rosie, Nick, Will, Yassir Arafat, Lester, Tripod, Mike, fish 1-73, chicken 1-20, goose 1-7, duck 1-12, Smoke, spot, bastard, and you.
Shooting rats at the dump since 1985.
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The Damp Moose The Damp Moose is offline
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Old Jan 20th, 2005, 08:52 PM       

Inside Cats

Spunky - We got her from our neighbor. The lady was moving to an old folks' home and couldn't take Spunky, so we took care of her. She lived outside up until 3 or 4 years ago. She's 14 or 15 now. She's calico.

Reggie - We got him from the pound when he was something like 6 weeks old. He was in a box beside the highway and his dead momma was a few feet away from it. Well, thats what the lady at the pound told us. So we felt sorry for him and now he's a 20lb cat that eats our dog's food. He's a grey tabby

Squirrel - The newest of our pets. He's about 8 months old.We took him in from outside, he was pretty much a bag of bones. Mom nursed him back to health and spent a lot of money on kitty meds for him. He looks (as you may have guessed) a lot like a squirrel. He has a gigantic bushy tail and a very rodent-esqe face. He's a grey...um...cat.


Tux(edo) - He's Squirrel's brother. He was healthy so we didn't take him in. He's a grey cat with white feet and a white chest. He only has half of a tail, too. We don't know where the rest of it went.

Hunter - Tux's sister. THE.CUTEST.CAT.EVER. She has a tawny grey coat with white feet and a white face. She's really cute.

Snap(R.I.P) - She died when my brother started the car while she was under the hood. One of my most traumatic experiences ever. I imagine it's my brother's worst experience, period. She was solid black.

Crackle - Snap's sister. Grey and black striped. She looks like an Asian woman in a big fur coat for some reason. Meh

Pop - He's like a gigantic, golden version of Crackle. He weighs as much as Reggie but he's a fucking tank. He's pretty much the pimp of all the other outside cats, yet he's one of the nicest animals I've ever seen.


Milo - He's a retard with a heart of gold. He ran into a door headfirst the other day. While walking. He looks like he might be vicious, but he wouldn't hurt anything. He's afraid of cats. He barks and growls at German Sheperds on the other side of the fence because he's stupid. He's a Beagle/Yellow Lab mix. He's like 10 years old, but still acts like a puppy.
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Old Jan 27th, 2005, 07:40 PM       
Callie, Baxter (dogs) and about 10 fish!
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Old Jan 27th, 2005, 08:13 PM       
10 fish?!?!?!?! THAT'S CRAZY! I bet you guys have all kinds of adventures!
I could just scream
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Old Jan 28th, 2005, 03:07 AM       
cats (in order of appearance)
blue - blue was one of the cats i grew up around. she had brain damage and limped constantly as a result. she was quite the bitch until the last year of her life.
heloise - heloise was the dumbest cat ever. seriously. this animal managed to CATCH ON FIRE while walking accross a stove. AN ELECTRIC STOVE. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. paid a vet to do her in so she wouldn't suffer through the cancer that was killing her slowly. as soon as she was gone blue became affectionate. go figure.

"frankie and johnny" were the next two.

frankie - boy cat, despite the nature of the '60s film. he (and four others, including johnny) were found in the woods by a friend's dog, days before hurricane bob. beautiful grey tiger, big cat. my mom's favorite by far, she used to say that they were "lovers in a former life". he was hit by a car in july of 95, at the ripe old age of four we got two new cats the following columbus day.
note: first grave i ever dug
johnny - cute grey tiger with a white splash under his chin. johnny is the coolest cat ever. everyone who's ever met him agrees. my friend who claims that he's "the man" says that johnny is "the cat". like i said, he's frankie's brother, and we got them both when i was 7. he's been my best friend since. he'll be 14 this summer.
ZZ - johnny being mine, frankie being my first sister's, my younger sister needed a cat. he was a tope and black tabby. she named HIM after that irritating GIRL character on salute your shorts. he was a whiney little brat cat until frankie died, then he pretty much took over frankie's spot as the big dominant cat. he used to disappear for days and come home reeking of cigarettes. he liked to sit on my mom's schedule books while she was trying to work. awesome kitty. disappeared for a few days once, and we found him under the proch
note: catnip still grows where i buried this one
christopher and columbia (the columbus day weekend adoptions)
christopher - remember how I said Heloise was the dumbest cat ever? I LIED. i used to call him 'fangs' because he had two little white fangs that stuck out from under his face and contrasted against his fur. eventually, this retard downgraded himself to 'fang', and then 'fag'. yeah, he broke both of them. then he got in a fight with what i can only imagine was a large dog and came back missing a large chunk of his right ear. then i watched him get creamed by a camero in the middle of the night. i chased him into the woods to make sure he was okay -- yup, this cat's just too dumb to die. as a result of his camero encounter, he has a stump instead of a tail. did i mention he's stupid? because he's stupid.
columbia - a stuck up bitch of a tortoise shell kitty. long hair, has an ashy spot on her face. she thinks she's royalty. still alive.
bonnie - (boney) she was declawed and either abandoned or lost. she was starving to death in my back yard when we found her and lured her inside. she lived for a little while but was a bit of a schizo and couldn't handle other cats, or our dogs, or her own shadow. she got fattish and spent the last few years of her life hiding from everyone except my mom. she got very sick and died about a year and a half ago by now.

If you're still reading...

DOGS (in order of importance)

Nadine - First dog, awesome dog, Newfoudlland/Golden Retriever, all black. Oct '83-Feb '96. Had her put down because she had cancer and hip problems.
Gladys - Second dog. Best dog. Rotweiler/Golden Retriever, again all black. We got her very soon after Nadine. Still living.
Josephine - Worst dog ever. She's stupid, hostile, and more than a bit of an attention whore.

bold=alive in the following segment


Xavier (pronounce it right, bitches)


The Tank
The Plague Bearers

Spot, Whitey, The Tank, and The Plague Bearers were given to us. Goldfish, though almost completely stained black somehow. Then they started losing color. The spots faded out of them, and Whitey lost ALL of his color, gold included. Around this time, The Tank became the biggest fucking goldfish I've ever seen, and Spot retained a single spot. The less discernable fish were simply called "The Plague Bearers," because they all had the black plague at one point.
A friend of mine used to say "dude... why are those fish so big? you might as well keep a trout in a glass of water in your living room."

Charlie-Norton (cockatiel, awesome ferocious talkative asshole)

15-ish chickens, and three ducks, only one of which has a name: [b]Fred[b]

So when did this become Pet Biography?
(1:02:34 AM): and i think i may have gone a little too far and let her know that i actually do hate her, on some level, just because she's female
(1:03:33 AM): and now she's being all kinds of sensitive about it
(1:03:53 AM): i hate women
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Rongi Rongi is offline
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Old Jan 28th, 2005, 10:41 AM       

Zappa - The most adoreable kitty ever. I named him after frank zappa (duh). He was a little pudgy but not too pudgy. He was completely tiger striped and often tried to have sex with my cat Cleo. He dissappeared a few months ago and i never saw him again

Cleo - A complete and utter bitch but she's like the best cat ever. Half her face is black and half is tiger striped and she's got white paws so it looks like she's wearing gloves. And one of her legs is tiger striped. She only likes me and whenever I have company she runs the other way. Gets extremely terrirtorial around other cats ( but not dogs ). I often find her sleeping in lundrey baskets.

I had a ton of kitties at one point but it was so long ago I dont remember their names.

Leo - A cat my mom and sister had when I was a baby. They got rid of him because they though he would suck the air out of my face


Angel - The best god damn moltese dog ever. She was so friendly and loyal. We fucking had to get rid of her because my crack addict uncle decieded he didnt want to pay for her and wanted to pay for coke

Fluffy - The worst god damn dog ever. Shit all over the place and was really ugly. We gave her to a farmer

Teddy - One of the best dogs ever . He was a yorkshire terrior who was brought up to hunt small animals. He was six years old and looked like a puppy. He often tried to hump zappa. He was kidnapped this summer by some jerkoff and we never saw him again :'(


I had a rabbit once ( cant remmember the name ). Teddy kept trying to kill it so we let it go.
ill fuck that bitch so hard in 10 years she'll crack her back and remember my dick - kahljorn
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