Oct 5th, 2004, 06:27 PM
Ok, Ok... So we were CONFUSED. Iraq looked like Al Quaeda!
US changes tack (don'y say flip flops) over Iraq al-Qaeda link
By James Harding in Washington
Published: October 5 2004 21:45 | Last updated: October 5 2004 21:45
The Bush administration on Tuesday rolled out a freshly formulated rationale for the invasion of Iraq, claiming there were "disturbing similarities" between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda.
THAT'S what it was! We were disturbed when we realized that Iraq was full of Arabs just like Afghanistan! Oh-SA-ma... Sa-DAHM... They are very easily confused, you know. Additionally, both Iraq and Al-Quaeda are very far away from here, and both are spelled with "Q"s in them, which is pretty uncommon in America. Hehe... Y'know, not to say something insensitive like, "They all look alike to us," but they all do wear facial hair and dresses and those funny towel-hats... It can be VERY hard to tell them apart...
The White House comments - which came just hours before the televised vice-presidential debate between Dick Cheney and his Democrat rival John Edwards - were designed to re-establish a clear line on Iraq after two of the leading figures in the occupation appeared to question the case and preparations for war.
Donald Rumsfeld, the defence secretary, insisted on Tuesday he had been "misunderstood" when he said at the beginning of the week that he had "not seen any strong, hard evidence that links" Mr Hussein and al-Qaeda.
Yeah, Cheney's planning to rebut most of Edward's arguments with today's page four headlines...
In the run-up to the war, Mr Rumsfeld spoke in September 2002 of "bulletproof" evidence of al-Qaeda operating in Iraq. But on Monday evening - after Mr Rumsfeld made his remarks - a Pentagon statement said that, based on information provided by the CIA, he had seen "solid evidence of the presence in Iraq of al-Qaeda members".
Bulletproof and Solid are VERY confusing concepts as well. They are both "disturbingly similar" to Thin and Shaky, as a Tank is Solid but it's all... um, Shaky, and a Bulletproof vest is Thin. Very disturbing.
The White House was also forced to explain comments by Paul Bremer, the former US administrator in Iraq, who was quoted as saying that "we paid a big price for not stopping [the looting in the aftermath of Mr Hussein's overthrow] because it established an atmosphere of lawlessness".
Mr Bremer, who was speaking at what he believed was a private function, said: "We never had enough troops on the ground."
Later that day, Mr. Bremer realized that he had been hoping for a job in the next Bush Administration and admitted to his long-standing drinking/exaggerating problem. "Yep, people that know me well often refer to me as Drinky McLies," he confided to reporters while several sunglassed men pointed rolled up newspapers at his head.
White House officials on Tuesday maintained that Mr Bush had made available sufficient resources in response to the requests from Mr Rumsfeld and his military commanders.
What sort of resources and requests that were referenced in this comment were left to the imaginations of the reporters in the room, most of whom had their imaginations out and were playing with them at the time. Like Slinkys. It is assumed that the requests could have been for, Oh, anything from paperclips to Daisy Cutters, and that the resources spoken of might have been composed of one or many of the things found in the universe.
It was very explicitly spelled out in the pre-formatted press-releases handed out at the conference that "requests" were made specifically by "Mr Rumsfeld" and more than one "military commander" at some point in time, and there have been no reports of ketchup shortages in the Pentagon cafeteria.
Amid the conflicting statements on the link between the Saddam regime and al-Qaeda - which was one of the central premises of the Bush administration's case for war - Mr Bush will on Wednesday go to the crucial swing state of Pennsylvania to make what the White House is billing as a significant speech on the war on terrorism.
I just hope he's been practicing the words "Mixed Messages." Maybe they've found an easier phrase for him to repeat incessantly, and they're hoping to get it out there before the debate.
Mr Bush's justification for the war is expected to be revisited on Thursday, when Charles Duelfer, the head of the Iraq Survey Group, presents the conclusions of his survey of Iraqi weapons programmes to Congress. The report is expected to show that the Iraqi leader had no stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.
John Kerry, the Democratic presidential candidate, on Tuesday called on Mr Cheney - who insisted in June that there was "overwhelming" evidence of a connection between Mr Hussein and al-Qaeda - to admit the mistakes made in Iraq.
"Behind the scenes in all these discussions and presentations is Dick Cheney," he said. "It's time for the vice-president to be held accountable."
Additional reporting by Joshua Chaffin in Iowa
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mburbank~ Yes, okay, fine, I do know what you meant, but why is it not possible for you to get through a paragraph without making all the words cry?
How can someone who obviously thinks so much of their ideas have so little respect for expressing them? How can someone who so yearns to be taken seriously make so little effort?!
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