Mar 25th, 2003, 06:33 PM
A CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE
I thought this piece was pretty damn funny.
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Colin Mochrie from This
Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:
Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well
recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush
a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If
it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect
poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees
than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper
and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten
times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great
shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our
excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than
yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one
by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up
against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against
Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see
you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.
I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that
song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your
beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a
thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over
this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.