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CaptainBubba CaptainBubba is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Old Feb 22nd, 2003, 01:03 AM        Here and again.
I have to say I've have a good relationship with my woman. Shes pretty quiet most of the time and she smells good too. We've been dating for about eight months and up till now I considered our relationship rock solid. About 3 weeks ago she got in a car accident and had to have her fingers amputated.

I recall several nights of blissful pre-slumber sleepiness interupted by her sudden and unnapreciated inquiries, such as: "would you still love me if I didn't have a chode?", or "well what if it had limbs and spoke German and tried to strangle your testies?". But past behind me, I now had to deal with a real life car wreck as a mate.

Needless to say the culminating event of this whole situation would have to be 6 nights ago when we rented "Beetlejuice" and spent the night together. I've always been shy of pretty much any sexual activity, but when a fucking stump tries to probe your genitals its only natural to get jumpy.

"I'm sorry," she said, "If you want to go home you can." Well mother of fuck. Now there was no way I could escape this situation with my concious unscathed. "No," I said in that bullshit tone any good girlfriend should be able to recognize, "Its fine. Its fine."

"Does it feel good?" she asked, looking up at me with those pretty blue eyes. "No you stupid bitch, your chaffing my penis with a god damn stump and frankly I don't appreciate it," I thought to myself. "Ya Its fine," I said.

I was getting limp and she could tell. The only thing supporting my dick, as the fluid receeded back into my pelvis, was her pitiful excuse for a limb. But she didn't stop. She kept trying and trying to stir up some excitement in the situation, rubbing it fast, then slow, then in a circular motion. We both knew it was going nowehere, but how do you tell a girl you've been intamate with for 8 months to get her STUMP off your filthy cock.

The tape had ended by now and the static was getting infuriating. Without even a comment I got up and ejected the tape, put it back in the blockbuster tape-holder ( the tape wasn't rewound when I rented, so i won't rewind it when I return it damnit!).

I fell back down on the bed and unzipped my pants to let her resume, but she was already tearing at the eyes a little bit and I could tell she was upset with my lack of enthusiasm. "My life is over isn't it? No one will ever love me!", she weeped as her face fell into her now severely raw stumps.

I snuck out and left $5.00 for the rental while she was crying. I think she killed herself a couple days after. :/
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SenorSalsa SenorSalsa is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The ninth level of HELL all hail lucifer lord of ducklings
Old Feb 22nd, 2003, 01:24 AM       
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fatagn
In his house at Ryleh Cuthulhu lies dreaming
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CaptainBubba CaptainBubba is offline
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Old Feb 26th, 2003, 11:49 PM       

I demand your filthy unwanted responses you filthy uncleanly bastards of nature.

I love you. SO god damn much it makes me want to break out in tears and bang you. HARD.
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McClain McClain is offline
Fuck Yeah
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Hoosier
Old Feb 27th, 2003, 12:58 AM        ...
Oh hell yeah. That was fun. I feel dirty. And a bit swollen in my frontal pants area. Amputees... yeah baby.
Last edited by Chojin : Jan 1st, 2000 at 12:01 AM.
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Cap'n Crunch Cap'n Crunch is offline
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Location: Oh no. :(
Old May 18th, 2003, 02:28 AM       
Even though no one said anything about this in a while, I thought it was funny. LETS HAVE SEX AND WATCH BEETLEJUICE.
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