Christian Game Reviews

[Kurodo]

Now, I'm not making fun of anyone's religion, but some of these are just damn funny/ridiculous. For example, from a Circle of The Moon review:

"Castlevania: Circle of the Moon" is rated "T" for "teen". Heed the rating. No one under ten should play this, and it may be best untouched by teens and adults due strictly to the occultic nature. Children and teens need to learn that magic, whether white or black, and other occultic material, is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. While the gameplay receives a 9/10 from me, just be warned of the dark nature of this title."

Here's the link for the site: http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/games/home.html

[soundtest]

I saw this site before and thought it was great. I was expecting their GTA3 review to be more interesting, though this made me chuckle:


"Freedom may be of the games better aspects but sadly it doesn’t go far enough. There’s always more than one way to beat a mission but they all involve copious amounts of violence. Had "GTA3" allowed the player solve missions more peacefully it could’ve been far more rewarding."

[Immortal Goat]

THAT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!! Pardon my French (sorry, Freedomese), but I absolutely HATE it when people bring religion into things that have NO RELIGIOUS BEARING WHATSOEVER!! I respect their right to have opinions on magic being "evil", but these are probably the same people that want to burn Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings due to its "offensive magical content". IT IS A GAME!!! NOTHING MORE!!! SETTLE YOUR ASS DOWN AND ENJOY THE BEST DAMN HANDHELD PLATFORMER IN YEARS!!! I agree with you totally, Kurodo, but that is ridiculous.[/url]

[Kurodo]

Here's another LOL one from Perfect Dark:

The game is extremely, unbelievably violent! It is totally unacceptable for an enemy to plead for their lives, or for people's heads to snap back with a graphic spray and splash of blood on the wall behind them when they are shot. Killing people has never felt so real in a video game, and that's what's wrong with "Perfect Dark".

It's from an N64 Game. How the hell does it get uber graphic?

Meh, good times. D:

[Immortal Goat]

I don't understand it either. Perfect Dark, while a great game, is not very realistic in the "violent death" department. I think these people should just take my advice and not play games that don't say "Poke`mon" or "Elmo" in the title.

[Skulhedface]

But Elmo is purple (I think).

Purple= Gay

Gay= Homo

Homo= Hated by God

Hated by God= Hated by Christians

Hated by Christians= just about anything.

*disclaimer I don't mean ALL Christians. Just the ones that think we're going to worship the Devil because Harry Potter can cast a god damn spell.

[Professor Cool]

you sir, need to get your eyes check, Elmo is red, LIKE THE DEVIL

[Jeanette X]

Diablo II reviews:

"...Diablo II is yet another story about how you defend the fragile, mortal world against the evil forces that strive to plunge it into chaos, and how you do this guided, but not actively helped by the Light. This is what the Archangel Tyrael tells you when you meet him in the Pandemonium Fortress. And he also tells you that there is a fallen angel, Izual, who after an unsuccessful attack against the Hellforge has been trapped in a demonic form. Tyrael asks you to release Izual. See, in Diablo II, angels and demons are not mortals and hence cannot be killed, only their physical manifestation can be finally destroyed, whether this is one of there own choosing or one forced upon them..."
--Poul Willy Eriksen, age 21

"...full of witchcraft and if you don't want to have a house full of demons then don't bring this game home!..."
--Josh Koester, age 19

[Psycho Squid]

I thought this thread was going to be about reviews of Christian video games, not Christian people reviewing video games. Anyway, I saw they had a review for Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. It's not as funny as I thought it was going to be.

"From a Christian perspective, there are several issues with gambling and sexuality, especially since the game is likely to attract the attention of teens, regardless of its rating (even the commercials on TV seem to be targeting teens). And although gambling in the casino is not required, the mere fact that it is present in the game may cause some eyebrows to be raised. Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball certainly won’t appeal to everyone, but those who take the bold step of seeing beyond the “hot babes in bikinis” may find a thoroughly enjoyable volleyball game."

[Ninjavenom]

Shit, i realize these people are just trying to live the right life and that's cool and all, but maybe they need to chill out a little and quit being so tight about the kinds of fun they have. It's just a game, fellas, when your code wipes out another code shaped like a man with a gun or a demon, you're probably not going to hell. :/

[FS]

Do these Christians really need reviews to tell them not to play games with "Dark", "Diablo" or "Blood Death Scream Savage Brutal Orgy Murder" in the title?

[Damien_DCLXVI]

what kind of moron who has a problem with satan would think about playing 'satan homo dildo blood and gore rape murdur hooker-fest'?

[Rongi]

[Schimid]

[Grazzt]

From the Baldur's Gate 2 review:

"There is mention of other gods in this game (I'm not sure if they're real-world or just made up), but at no time does your character have to choose one of those false gods to follow. Since it's a role-playing game, I like to think that my Inquisitor is a zealous Christian warrior, cutting a swathe through the evil creatures of the lands, protecting the weak and innocent."

From the Rune review:

"The game also takes place in a fantasy world that invokes the mention of other gods. This alone can be enough to turn off most devout believers as "thou shalt have no other Gods before me" Exodus 20:3, echos in our minds. The context of the game and its environment is very true to its legend and as such is very clearly fantasy throughout. There is no mention of or blasphemy against Christ throughout the game. Interestingly, it is easy to see the parallel in this tale to the story of Christ. Odin is the "God" figure, sending and guiding a savior figure through numerous trials in an effort to overcome the plans of the evil Loki (Satan). There’s a way to witness to a friend who doesn’t yet know Christ. Also, the fact that your character is motivated by revenge and encouraged throughout to seek justice through his own hand is terribly un-biblical. Romans 12:19 says "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." As this game suggests a day of reckoning is coming, but the violence will not come from our hands. Keep this in mind as you play through this game and be thankful it is Ragnar who is taking all the punishment and remember why you don’t have to."


Oh yeah, and the Everquest review is pure comedy.

[Sam]

On the plus side. "Everquest" is a great place to preach the gospel. A simple zone wide chat message will attract many to ask questions about Jesus, or about Christianity.

I love how the reviewer talks about Everquest is such a gospel spreading tool. Like it's gonna drive some fat fuck out of his computer chair and into a church.

It's also funny about how he advises to play a non-magic using agnostic, so you don't go to hell.

I played everquest for over a year. The game is highly addictive, and I tried to overlook all the confrontations it created with being a Christian. After awhile I realized I was only fooling myself, I got in the game, gave everything I had to friends, cancelled my account and dumped the game. We as Christians shouldn't even touch games like these. I love the action, and graphic violence is really minimal, but the obvious sexism is bordering on perversion on part of the game designers and the fact that 90% of the characters you generate HAVE to choose a "god" is flat out the absolute worse thing in the game from this Christians perspective. The magic while colorful and one of the more fun things in the game, is still nothing less than occultism which Christians should not dabble with, not even in a game. As far as the in game chat, you have the option of completely ignoring up to 20 people, I was always advocating to get more ignore slots for the players, because if you are a Christian, you will fill 20 slots up incredibly fast. The out of game chat, is actually monitored at least 75% of the time, this is the only disagreement I have of your review, I suppose the threat you proposed is real in this area, but IMO only minimal. Anyways, when I look back at this game, I feel you may as well be playing D&D, because they are in essence the same thing. My Ratings: [1/5]
--Don Kelsay, age 30

[Zbu Manowar]

Originally Posted by Ninjavenom

Shit, i realize these people are just trying to live the right life and that's cool and all, but maybe they need to chill out a little and quit being so tight about the kinds of fun they have. It's just a game, fellas, when your code wipes out another code shaped like a man with a gun or a demon, you're probably not going to hell. :/

No, you won't go to hell unless they say so.

And check out this one about Conker's Bad Fur Day and how the guys below them negate the whole review.

[aeQea]

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