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Obscurus Lupa · #1

Anyone seen this movie? It's the worst movie I have ever seen and ever will see. It stars Matt Damen and his brother, and the only reason it was made was because Matt Damen was backing it.

I will now tell you everything that happens from beginning until end, and leave nothing out:

"Hey, I know a shortcut!"
"Oh no, our car broke down. Guess we have to walk through the desert!"
Walk through the desert. Shot of the scenery. Shot of them walking.
"Oh look, animal tracks!"
Don't follow the tracks. More walking. More scenery. Loooooong shot of the scenery.
"Hey how'd I get on top of this huge rock?"
"I don't know, jump down on this pile of dirt I made!"
Does.
"Wow, I think I broke my foot, but we're not gonna touch on THAT ever again!"
More walking. Scenery. Walking. Scenery. Watch some paint dry for a while. More scenery. Yep, they're still walking. Isn't there anymore dialogue? No, because the other guy died and Matt Damen is getting into a van that was on the road like two feet away that they somehow didn't notice.

The end.

Madman914 · #2

I saw it a while back. Watched the first five minutes and went blind afterwards because I had to gouge my eyes. A film that consists of 95min. of walking and Matt demon can do that to a guy.

jared · #3

It's an intelligent film from a truly talented filmmaker. For you mush-brained, corn-eating, prummy-wagon-licking Spielbergotronic tasteless whale steaks and moose meat, there is always Michael Bay and the talentless noise he vomits onto celluloid. Good day, sir!

Madman914 · #4

Ouch,man. So I didn't like a movie, that doesn't mean you have to go all apeshit on my opinion and call me a Micheal bay fan. Different people like different movies! You thought this movie was great, me, not so much. I respect that, even if you can't.

jared · #5

Don't take it like that, kid. I's just funnin' ya. It's my way. Gerry's heartbeat is on fire with the songs of singing song-birds. Find the movie in the center of the movie. Listen close and it'll wash over you.

Madman914 · #6

There's no way in the deepest, darkest pits of Tartarus that it's considered " funnin' " when somebody accuses me of being even the likes of a simpleton who would consider a Micheal Bay film grand! It's just the most damnable,malign,confounded, shuddersome,spiteful, and malevolent thing to say my good man. With this I bid you good day. ......I said good day! "kid" ;

Fat_Hippo · #7

At least he didn't call an Uwe Boll film-fan. Now THAT would sting!

dirtyxblondexdame · #8

Quote:

Originally Posted by jared

It's an intelligent film from a truly talented filmmaker. For you mush-brained, corn-eating, prummy-wagon-licking Spielbergotronic tasteless whale steaks and moose meat, there is always Michael Bay and the talentless noise he vomits onto celluloid. Good day, sir!

That hack is directing the "Friday the 13th" remake/sequel/prequel bullshit. it's going to be an abomination.

jared · #9

That's odd: I don't remember there being any explosions in Friday the 13th. In this version, Jason Vorhees is an asteroid on a collision course with the nudist camp on the moon; and a robot trucker named Bruce Willis has to drive to space and save the nude teens from both destruction and sexual frustration.

dirtyxblondexdame · #10

Quote:

Originally Posted by jared

That's odd: I don't remember there being any explosions in Friday the 13th. In this version, Jason Vorhees is an asteroid on a collision course with the nudist camp on the moon; and a robot trucker named Bruce Willis has to drive to space and save the nude teens from both destruction and sexual frustration.

ROFL that sounds exactly right.