Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks

[glowbelly]

i'm drinking champagne so i'm in no real state to grade any of you right now, but goddamn rez made me laugh hard.

as far as the selfish thing from tadao or whatevah, lemme tell ya a little something: this motherfucker would get us into major financial crisis. - I i would cry for a week, come up with solutions and he would tell me not to worry. that he'll take care of everything and then? NOTHING. so i ended up doing what i was going to do only later so i had to stress about it even longer. selfish? you fuckin bet. especially when there is a cool little cub involved. END OF DISCUSSION.

[executioneer]

I CANT POST IN THIS THREAD CAUSE IM NOT A FLIRTATOS JERK

Spoilers!

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? YES 2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? only if they want to hear a bunch of conjecture re: plastic surgery 3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? only if i am practicing my sitcom acting 4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? farts 5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? hahahah no 6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? porn is against the law 7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? break into a farm and swipe some from a cow 8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? truth because my dad did that shit to my mom for years and now they are in deep shit 9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? man if i ever couldn't pay rent i'd be too depressed to speak 10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? NONE 11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? every book is a get rich quick book if you have a strong enough imagination 12. have you read them? BOOKS ARE FOR READ 13. did you really go to college? yes but it was only for a week to visit my friend and get very drunk, i wasnt enrolled or anything 14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? hahah no 15. do you talk in cliches? sometimes but i like to jazz them up usually!

[Tadao]

Read what I said again when you sober up.

[glowbelly]

willie, i the way you spoil me.

[Tadao]

But yeah, I knew you'd fly off the handle. Experience with women told me you would.

[glowbelly]

shuddup cunt

[glowbelly]

don't ruin my night

[Tadao]

congratulations

[glowbelly]

mister know it all

[Tadao]

I've already been through this and I'm old. So I do know a lot about this particular thing. I also know that you are gonna have a lot of fun real quick so keep an eye on your money so you can have fun longer, not in one short world shattering freedom explosion like I did.

[glowbelly]

don't patronize me, prickster. i'm older than you think. get on aim. i like you.

[kahljorn]

I'm going to respond even though I have no idea what to say.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IM A SECRET AGENT AND I CSNT SHARE THESE THINGS

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT'S LOW BROW!

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

NO BECAUSE THATS AN EASY WAY TO LOOK LIKE YOURE CHEATING

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

BECAUSE AFTER SEX AND BEFORE SEX OCCUR AT THE SAME MOMENT

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

lol well maybe you didn't know this but that dog actually SAVED LIVES and KILLED AT LEAST FIVE TERRORISTS BEFORE SURVIVING A PLANE CRASH AND EXPLOISION and a building falling on him.

He was my ex-partner in the secret services for fucks suck! I told you about the time that we fought the evil MUGWORT ALLIANCE RELIEF FORCE SINGLE-HANDIDLY and i killed at least ten people with my bare hands and also everyone likes my heroic stories!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

depends on how embarrassed of it I am.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT EXPEDITED EMERGENCY THREE DAY SERVICE/steal.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

I don't know what snap-on is so I would probably say zero dollars also I buy everything in cash!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

NO!

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

I don't like cigarettes I like joints and I'd only need one to start feeling good then I would come back and trip out on LIFE and also you probably wouldn't mind cause you'd be cool like that.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes!

12. have you read them?

A decent percentage of them!

13. did you really go to college?

YES!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

If you knew what the hell I was talking about!

15. do you talk in cliches?

Probably i think everybody talks in cliches and that's why I try not to talk at all.

[Tadao]

DON'T PUSH ME WOMAN I JUST MIGHT GET ON AIM AND LIKE YOU BACK!

[glowbelly]

i miss you kahl

just get on tad

[Jaeger S Meistersen]

Eat my answers and vomit your joy upon me...

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? Why does this matter? You're in like Cleveland, 8 hours away...are you going to stop me? Hold an intervention? Oh...wait...this is one of those chicky questions about if we were dating, isn't it? This is a whole test of those chicky questions about if we were dating...fuck me...

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? I...wait, what? Have I recently been bludgeoned about the head? Lobotomized? Fuck that. I'm much more prone to talk about California as being a stain...or say something vile, like how California is the Anal Bleaching of contiguous states...i'm sure it really does something for a certain class of vile cretin, but I personally don't see the point.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? Again with the bludgeoning...the kind of retard it would take to cheat and lie about it...well, okay, i've probably been that retard. But the kind it would take to cheat on YOU? I value my veins too much for that.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? Because apparently we're still in the Upside-Down World of Make Believe. First off, this would require me to have sex...so you see why this is too absurd for me to continue.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? Nobody would believe me capable of that level of compassion.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? Porn...and let me qualify this by saying ESPECIALLY bad porn...is like chinese food. It's meant to be shared.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? Hook your tits up to a vaccuum cleaner like any sensible fucking person.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? Does snap-on make a drill press out of 151 proof hookers and crack or something? What nimrod, with a joint bank account, lies about money to his WIFE? No lobotomy is that thorough.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? If you have a plan, I'm all ears. If you don't have a plan, I'm pretty sure I can...oh, wait, these are all on the faulty premise that i'm stoned or retarded or something. Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure the rent will pay itself.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? A fucking truckload. I'm not even joking about this shit.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? I was a business major...all my old textbooks are essentially about this subject. The important thing is that books on management strategies and accounting principles are about getting rich quick by legitimate means, not cockamamie pyramid scams.

12. have you read them? Yes.

13. did you really go to college? If not, that was a shit-long horrible nightmare.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? I never, ever, EVER expect anybody to know what the fuck i'm talking about. That said, no...because my family is awesome and slightly bonkers. You'd love them.

15. do you talk in cliches? No, I just say 'fuck' a lot.

[MattJack]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I will tell you for sure. Mainly because I never ask, just tell.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I don't mingle with "yo frands."

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I forgot to record our fav episode of The Dukes of Hazzard

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if I were trying to get to that booty.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
You'll never find my pron, never :hiddenfolders

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Pawn your wedding dress that was also your mother's and grand mother's.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
You like to ask a lot, huh?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'll take care of it, but just don't bi*ch when I rip a fat bong loa*.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Cigarettes? Outside the hospital? Just tell me when it's out so I know when I'll have to leave the bar. You know my #.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
No.

12. have you read them?
NO.

13. did you really go to college?
YES

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
With my family you should generally never speak until spoken to and avoid all eye contact as much as possible. Same rules apply for "love making."

15. do you talk in cliches?
Example?

[glowbelly]

goodness i have a lot of grading to do

[glowbelly]

mattjack: no talking, more pictures.

[Chojin]

the truly amazing thing about this thread is that most of us have gone to college.

[glowbelly]

yes, but have you lied about it?

[kahljorn]

ya. Here's: to old memories which we remember and all that stuff.

[MLE]

Because I don't think Chojin will answer this!

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
You'd know before I even apply!

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
If they're particularly interesting, I'll talk to everyone about it, except probably my parents.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, that's really dumb! It's probably just my mom cause just about no one else calls me.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Cause I somehow talked you into being a lesbian

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
If they'd believe it, that would be awesome. If I could say it with a straight face, it would be even better!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
All my porn is readily accessible!

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Who needs milk for the week? (Unless cub needs it, and then I'd ask a friend for a few cups)

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Truth, if I had such an account! I don't keep debts from people, cause I know I'll have to own up to them eventually. Currently I'm debt free!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither! If a situation like this came up, it would be imperative to talk it out between us, and only bring in other people if absolutely necessary.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Probably two packs or so, but only if you let me out of the room.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Tons :< Half of my collection is still at my parent's house.

12. have you read them?
About half -the rest of them are mainly for reference, such as textbooks.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes! 4 years of it, and I'm a semester away from a degree, but I can't find the time to go back!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Not at all! If you can't talk freely around my family, it won't last anyway.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Not unless I'm referencing something funny on the internet!



<3 <3 <3

[AChimp]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Yes, because it would be really stupid to lie about that. You'd notice right away if paycheques started coming from a different company because I give them to you when I come home.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, because I haven't seen Californian boobs and I want to know what they look like.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It depends on if it really is my boss pretending to be a girl or not.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I tore you in half with my huge weiner or I have a headache.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, that's pretty gay. Unless your best friend is really hot and I want a threesome. :O

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. Sharing porn is HOT.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Why would we ever be in a situation where we're so broke that we can't buy food? That's just irresponsible. Hypothetically, though, if we were really that broke I'd probably have to go get another job or something.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Tell the truth. Like some people already mentioned, financial issues need to be discussed openly and honestly.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
See Question 7.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, but I don't own any get rich quick books.

12. have you read them?
Lots of times. I need new books.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Yes, because my dad was a teacher and thinks that everyone wants to hear an impromptu lesson about whatever he remembers at the time. Don't get him started, woman!

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if they are relevant.

[Mockery]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
No, but only because super spies never reveal the true nature of their work.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Only if somebody asks me about them. The boobs aren't as much as a concern to me as the lips. While there are many naturally beautiful women in L.A., there are absolutely horrifying ones who have had so much work done on their lips that they look like the Joker. Scary :O

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, I claim it's an old stalker and you should be thankful that I'm with you instead of somebody who obviously cares more about me like her.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For breaking your vagina.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say I rescued a cat.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
That all depends on whether you paid for half of it or not. If you didn't help pay for it, fuck you, it's all mine. Wait, we're talking about a pizza, right?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
I pop enough of your zits and mix in the puss with some water so it becomes a milk white. Drink up!

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd say I rescued a cat.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither. We break into some old crone's mansion, hold her hostage and live like royalty for the remainder of our lives.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I would smoke as many as I could IN the delivery room in hopes that the kid would abort just in the nick of time.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Nope, my books are mostly about the ridiculous kind of subject matter you see on this site.

12. have you read them?
Some yes, some no. I will say that I'm one of the most ill-read writers you'll find.

13. did you really go to college?
Yeah. I went to Drexel University for Computer Science & Journalism. Then I got accepted to the College of William & Mary, so I transfered there to major in English. Then I became a MASTOR OF WEB DESIGN and dropped out. :O

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'll say, "Here, you talk to them... I'm gonna go run and hide somewhere so I don't have to."

15. do you talk in cliches?
That was a very cliche question. Are you gonna ask me what my favorite color is next?

[Guitar Woman]

yes, no, no, I'm ashamed about the 5 extra pounds I put on ages ago, no, no, drink water?, whichever one is true, probably let you handle it as I am a pussy, I'd probably wait until after the fact unless you were taking a really really long time with it, yes, everything but the Hemingway, not yet, no, no