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  #301  
Chojin Chojin is offline
was never good
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Old Jul 25th, 2010, 07:21 PM       
my face

http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/image...ine=1264286615
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  #302  
Dixie Dixie is offline
Egg
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Old Jul 25th, 2010, 07:50 PM       
another car story
so years ago, i was riding with my then boyfriend to a show down south. of course he got road head, but that wasn't enough. we showed up at the venue and no one was there yet. we were feeling frisky but there was really nowhere to go. to our delight, it began to rain and our windows fogged up. perfect camouflage! we recline the seats and get to work. about halfway through the inside of the car got so muggy we couldn't breathe. so we opened up the sunroof, unfortunately it was still raining. so our "then and there" solution was for me to climb halfway through the sunroof to block the rain from seeping in while we continued fucking. i don't mind the rain and i'm fairly adventurous, so i was all for it. there was no one in the parking lot, but we were right across the street for the parking deck for a college.
so there we are, in the car, my head and shoulders sticking out of the roof and i'm holding on to the sides of the sunroof and it's raining. all of a sudden i hear clapping and some hollering in the distance. i look up and there's the rest of his band, in the parking deck, looking down at us, and enjoying the show.
slightly embarrassed, i slide back down into the car and notice that since we opened up the sunroof, the window fog had cleared. i looked around to see if anyone else had seen us and i see a crowd gathered next door behind the bistro (later i found out they were bistro employees taking a break). obviously staring and amused by us. we said "fuck it" and finished what we were doing and proceeded to exit the vehicle. greeted with cheers and applause from the bistro employees, we bow and go into the venue where we couldn't stop laughing about the whole thing.
for about 3 years the rest of his band couldn't help reminding us that we really shouldn't fuck in public, at least during daylight hours.
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  #303  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Jul 25th, 2010, 07:56 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie View Post
for about 3 years the rest of his band couldn't help reminding us that we really shouldn't fuck in public, at least during daylight hours.
I would encourage it.
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  #304  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2010, 11:26 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick View Post
How'd you talk Lizzy into that?
Not with her. With my baby's mama.

^Chojin: My mug makes every girl wet.

^Dix: :Clap:clap:clap:clap
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  #305  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
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Old Jul 26th, 2010, 11:33 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie View Post
slightly embarrassed
You are such a fucking liar.
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Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
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  #306  
Dixie Dixie is offline
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Old Jul 26th, 2010, 11:47 AM       
ok, so i was REALLY embarrassed
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  #307  
MarioRPG MarioRPG is offline
I hate this hacker crap!
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Old Jul 27th, 2010, 07:29 PM       
That's hilarious, and sexy. Sexlarious?
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU PUNY LITTLE BASTARD. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YA, OBVIOUSLY, BUT COME BY ANY TIME AND I'LL WHIP YOUR SUPPLE LITTLE GIRL BODY INTO A SHAPE

LOVE, YOUR FIJIAN HOST DAD
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  #308  
Pentegarn Pentegarn is offline
Clap if you love Dynamo
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Old Jul 27th, 2010, 08:05 PM       
So my GF and I are eating dinner and I offer her some wings.

GF: "No, I don't want any wings. Other times I might, but not today"
Me: "What are you talking about? You never have wings when I offer them to you. You say yes to anal more than you say yes to wings."
GF: "That's because anal is better than wings"

I think I might put that on a t-shirt
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  #309  
executioneer executioneer is offline
OH GOD
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Old Jul 27th, 2010, 09:14 PM       
guys dont make me lock this thread again

i hate you
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[COLOR=purple][COLOR=Magenta]SHAME ON A [COLOR=Pink]NIGGA WHO TRY TO RUN [/COLOR][URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVGI6mhfJyA"]GAME[/URL] ON A NIGGA[/COLOR]
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  #311  
executioneer executioneer is offline
OH GOD
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Old Jul 27th, 2010, 11:53 PM       
I WILL CONTINUE TO HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE UNTIL I AM DEAD
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[COLOR=purple][COLOR=Magenta]SHAME ON A [COLOR=Pink]NIGGA WHO TRY TO RUN [/COLOR][URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVGI6mhfJyA"]GAME[/URL] ON A NIGGA[/COLOR]
[/COLOR]
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  #313  
Dixie Dixie is offline
Egg
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Old Jul 28th, 2010, 12:36 AM       
the first time i ever had sex by boyfriend of 3 years began singing "Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo"
i never forgave him.
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  #314  
MLE MLE is offline
CHIEF OF POLICE
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Old Jul 29th, 2010, 01:45 PM       
A long-time-ago-ex always threatened he would start singing old yiddish songs that are sung at bar/bat mitzvahs.
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  #315  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
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Old Aug 7th, 2010, 09:12 PM       
So for my friends birthday party we got a bunch over to drink at his house. Bunch of girls/guys/beer. My cousin ended up hooking up with this one girl. My friend offered his bedroom but just not to fuck up or cum on his bed. My cousin went down on this girl and she was about to come but he didn't want to fuck up the bed so bust out a can of altoids for her to cum into. Then he forgot about them and left them on the basement table later on where the rest of us were drinking.

I was drunk, found the altoid can proceeded to eat the entire can. A short while later my cousin was like "oh shit. Anyone see a can of altoids?" With a big drunken smile I'm like "Hahaha, I ate em all." Then he explained to me that they were filled with girl cum. He was "A...how did you not notice they were all soggy and gross. And B....who the fuck eats a whole can of altoids?"
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  #316  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Aug 7th, 2010, 09:28 PM       
Yum. Sounds delicious.

A good retort would have been to ask why he was saving it for later.
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  #318  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Aug 8th, 2010, 12:06 AM       
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  #319  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
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Old Aug 9th, 2010, 01:51 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
Yum. Sounds delicious.

A good retort would have been to ask why he was saving it for later. I thought they were the new tuna flavor.
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Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
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  #320  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
SKATASTIC
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Old Aug 9th, 2010, 03:28 PM       
They did not freshen my breath.
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  #321  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Aug 10th, 2010, 01:09 AM       


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  #322  
Samfucius Samfucius is offline
Almighty Samfucius
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Old Nov 15th, 2010, 05:41 PM       
Well, I guess a little background is in order for this to make sense...
I am blessed with a rather girthy dick.

Anyways, I was having sex with my girlfriend (w/ condom) in her dorm room. The room is a mess, as in our hurry to take off backpacks and shoes and clothes, we have used all of the very limited floor space. Things go nicely, and we finish up. I pull out, and turn towards the trash can so I can remove the rubber. The thing is, I'm still at half mast, and the condom doesn't really want to come off (it's even a magnum...). Instead of doing the smart thing and a) waiting or b) working it slowly off, I start to pull on the (very full) end. I look up for a half a second so say something, and I hear a snap followed by a gooey plop. I guess the correct onomatopoeia would be *plorp*. My gf hasn't noticed a thing, and I start looking frantically, trying to find out where the contents of the now-empty condom are. And I can't find them, anywhere. Not on clothes, the walls, backpacks, the bed, me, my gf, anywhere. And then I look ahead, and notice one of her cute little shoes, and a faint gleam is winking out of the darkness...

I managed to cum in her shoe. Not on it. Not at the opening. At the toe. The latex flung all my spunk at the perfect angle, and it shot down the length of her shoe. At this point I mutter "shit..." and she finally notices something is wrong. Luckily, she laughed it off. But she refused to wear those shoes again, even after I washed them, and she still teases me that I owe her $13 for the new pair she bought.
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  #323  
The Leader The Leader is offline
Is a RoboCop.
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Old Nov 15th, 2010, 05:45 PM       
There are shoes that are only thirteen dollars?
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  #324  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Nov 15th, 2010, 05:48 PM       
and you are having trouble paying her $13?
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