This time of year always
kills me, at least it did last year and will this year as well, because I have to miss out on the greatness of Scav Hunt. You can find out all about it at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scav_hunt , if you really want to! And, truth be told, I can scarcely think of a single female at that school for whom I do not pine bitterly. So, it moved my heart when I was reading the new Scav Judge biographies, and a girl in my physics class was of course on the list. Here's her biography!
"A streaking comet foretold Sara's birth. Yes, streaking. Wizened old men discussed behind locked doors, their hushed tones belying their fear of this child who could divide by zero, and who knew all the digits of pi.
"She grew in strength and perspicacity, and scrabbling minions sought her favor. Rarely was she found at the beach, for she had sine and cosine to get a tan, rendering the sun unnecessary. When she came of age, suitors swarmed like coeds on free food. Lads who desired to woo her presented her with polynomial rings, but none could satisfactorily answer her diabolical question. When faced with deciding whether she wants Cholie's pizza or eternal bliss, she knows to pick Cholie's. Nothing is better than eternal bliss, and Cholie's is better than nothing.
"Bored by their pedestrian pedantry, she sought solace in the ocean pursuing a mythical creature. Rumor had it that a unique and ferocious beast was lurking in the depths. She hypothesized that something non-orientable that lived in the sea could only be Möbius Dick.
"Returning from cahoots with the whale, she dabbled in architecture. She actually planned the building layout at Harvard, putting the div school next to the grad school.
"Now, she makes her living as a judge and as a telemarketer, achieving phenomenal success because her phone demeanor is always charming, as she is a deferential operator. Her triumph in telemarketing is only surpassed by her barbequing. When she takes the first derivative of a cow, she gets prime rib."
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