I was the only person in a theater once to see a movie of which I only wanted to see the first five minutes. I was far more distressed as to
why I was the only person there as to care about the social stigmae of being in a cinema alone.
Yeah, right about now my parents see me as a total failure, but in my case it's a sweet and sour mix. I had to explain to my father why I'm doing poorly in an average-standards state school while I was pulling my weight quite sufficiently at a school ranked in the top ten by The Economist and feared by all as being harder than any of the Ivy Leagues. His response was exactly what I expected: "I don't care at all when someone says he's got a
Harvard degree, it's all the same to me." That I scored almost three hundred points higher than my sister (who is almost done with medical school right now) meant nothing to him, even though it was the highest score in my class. (That doesn't say anything at all, I did terrible on it by my standards and my high school had no standards whatsoever.) It was just the fact that I heard him flat-out tell me that nothing I've ever done in my life has impressed him (admittance to top-tier schools, admittance into Mensa, becoming an Eagle Scout, a place in an honors wind ensemble, yadda yadda), which I already knew, that bugged me.
BUT... the fact that I did tell him off for it did get his mental gears turning, and he eventually came to more or less see things closer to my way. I guess the lesson is that ugly communication episodes can have potentially beautiful results.
Another thing that sticks out in reading your post is that you probably lack direction. What this does subconsciously is that you revert your uncertainty about your personal future to all other facets of your life, hence you begin to covertly dislike your friends because you wonder if they're the "right" people for you. Friendship can have roots in common interests and beliefs, but at the heart of it all when it becomes worthwhile it should transcend such things and you chill together simply for the sake of each other's company. If it's genuinely they're company that you dislike and not merely they're preoccupation with things that disinterest you, then
maybe you should begin to look elsewhere.
Fuck if I know.
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