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Helm Helm is offline
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Mount Fuji
Old May 12th, 2004, 10:27 AM        I HAD A DREAM **OPINION PIECE**
I imagined this man. He was like a beast a wild beast and I met him in the jungle he did not wear any clothes or a watch but I could still tell he was a man because of the way he looked at me. We did not discuss but I could tell many things about him: He seemed like time did not affect him. Or rather that he was in control of time itself. He was in control of many things but he did not seem to care. He said that he was in control of his heart and that each and every beat of his heart was the result of constant willpower. His skin was red from the sun and his posture that of a man who has almost forgotten how to walk. However that seemed appropriate. He looked at me intently but he did not blink. He walked and stood again still but he did not shift his weight from one foot to the other not once. He did not look at his hands when he grasped me by the shoulder - for some reason I was wearing an old yellow tshirt that read "wall recreation" on big bright white letters that I have thrown away 10 years ago - and shook me as if trying to wake me up. I looked at his hand on my shoulder. I think when he saw that he couldn't wake me up he said "I control everything here and you must go" Perhaps what seemed most impressive about him was that apparent lack of care for the responsibility of such complete and total control over everything might entitle. I fumbled with the fabric of my tshirt, trying to even it out and he was quickly gone. The prespective shifts here.

His hand split between the fingers and from within emerged a horse's hoof - the voice liked it when there was some reference to music and to mother. It made the pain somewhat more bearable when this occured - He joined this occult philosophy club in his campus - he printed a fanzine one per year. He kept auditioning he never really networked. I think he's still blaiming us to a degree and it IS our fault - especially that person's with the bad haircut - he learnt where he lives through a common misunderstanding - he never came to terms - in the interview he said he was still looking for that CERTAIN, SPECIAL MAGIC.

Then I am climbing on the roof of a building carrying a gun. When I've settled on this roof, I turn and aim the gun on the facing street. Someone comes and I fire a round. The man collapses and very soon I am leaning over him and he is bloody and dying and I grasp him by the shoulder and I am yelling at him I THINK YOU KNOW I THINK YOU KNOW WHY and he's caughing up blood like in some bad movie and very soon after I am feeling very afraid. And you cannot feel as afraid awake as you can feel afraid dreaming. Because when you're awake you're afraid for a reason and as I was sitting there - the dying man suddenly gone - I could tell that I was afraid for no reason that I could understand. Then I thought of the red skinned wilderness man. I was jealous. Again, this is counterpointed.

There's a man climbing a fence to reach for a kite that's stuck on this nearby tree. He's smiling down on us looking and his bald head and his yellow teeth he never loved his children, did he? What's his name, what's his name? We never see him climbing fences with a smile on anymore. Too cheap TO SAY IT'S MADNESS BUT WHAT IF NOT? WE ATE YOUR FRUIT AND YOU WERE UNDERSTANDING. This just comes it comes it comes and it doesn't stop. Why is it always finally about this? He's dead now and soon I will have to stand over his grave again and try to make sense of it but nobody understands. A car is destroyed but why? They moved out now. His brother and his insane mother and the yellow-teethed man. Never good enough. He drove me to town and then he left me there and I am on my bed dreaming and the phone rings once and my father picks it up and somehow I can hear that in my dream and he says "Ok. Thanks" and hangs up and then I do not want to wake up he takes steps towards my room. I can tell. He opens the door and I am already standing.

Later on that day we drive two streets away. The car stops in the middle or the way and I will remember this for the rest of my life, my father at the wheel just snapped and cried and have you ever seen this have you seen a car full of people cry? I can see myself 10 years ago passing by that car full of crying people with a ball in hand and wearing an old yellow tshirt. It makes me sick. His mother went mad that day. A red-faced man, who looks like he would belong in a jungle is slowly shoveling the dirt over a coffin and there's many people around there. I don't know them, they don't know me. I feel as if I am dreaming. I later understand that I am dreaming. Buried secrets. Buried deep within the ground.

Two years later a woman's crude joke makes me understand that flesh has rotted in the ground and that worms ate hair and tissue and eyes I guess I can cut my hair now. Little people I tried to not think about them. Two years after that I rub my neck and I awake.
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