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  #51  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Nov 9th, 2009, 10:07 PM       
Nigh impossible to get blowjobs in the champagne room from them.
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That was very funny. Well done.
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  #52  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Nov 9th, 2009, 10:14 PM       
One time a stripper talked to me and after that EVERYBODY in town wanted to be my friend. Unfortunately I moved towns and I have yet to get a stripper to talk to me here ;/
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  #53  
george george is offline
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Old Nov 9th, 2009, 10:48 PM       
oh it was really funny.

a bunch of us were there. Jaeger and Proto had ridden with me and Nancy to cleveland. Spaddowsky, boogie, glowbelly, and another guy i cant remember, Sam, and a few others were there.

we went out to eat dinner and i struck up a conversation with a girl at the table behind us. turned out they were a bunch of strippers having a celebration of some sort and they invited us all back to their place for a party.

no one but spad wanted to go

it was pretty funny. boogie spent the night kicking nancy cause she wouldn't stop snoring, and i told them a story about a fun visit i made to food lion with my dick hanging out. that Mock Meet was a really good time.
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  #54  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
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Old Nov 10th, 2009, 12:01 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by kahljorn View Post
Yea, cause strippers are so hard to get in the sack.
He probably mean without paying them.
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Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
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  #55  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Nov 10th, 2009, 12:29 AM       
okay.
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  #56  
Nick Nick is offline
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Old Nov 10th, 2009, 01:30 AM       
This thread feels very very sticky. Also it makes me sad.
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  #57  
Chojin Chojin is offline
was never good
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:35 PM       
moar
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  #58  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:36 PM       
man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu
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  #59  
Chojin Chojin is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 07:47 PM       
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man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu
wtf did you think we did all day
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  #60  
george george is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 09:27 PM       
sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts
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  #61  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 09:52 PM       
AS A FATHER IT IS NOW YOUR FILIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO KICK CHOJINS ASS
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  #62  
Sam Sam is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 10:04 PM       
GEORGE WATCH OUT, CHOJIN WILL GIVE YOU THE CKO
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  #63  
Guitar Woman Guitar Woman is offline
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Old Nov 12th, 2009, 11:34 PM       
What was that about having a mockmeet in Portland, now?

We have great strippers, apparently!
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  #64  
Chojin Chojin is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 12:19 AM       
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Originally Posted by george View Post
sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts
wat
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  #65  
george george is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 01:42 AM       
when you came to my place and we watched Childs Toy for a whole day, ever since then she has been hooked on Anime. all your fault buddy.

ok back to business:

Two Parties

I dont know where to start on this part.

Nancy and I decided to have a party. Well, mostly it was Nancy but at this point I tried to avoid doing anything that would piss her off more than she already was. Things had really disintagrated at this point. Seriously, I couldn't do anything that didn't get half my ass torn off at any given time. A prime example:

One day I woke up. I realized Nancy had come home that night because I woke up in a puddle of urine. Once again she had gotten drunk and wet the bed. I took a deep breath, got up, and went and took a shower.

It was really early, so I decided to fix breakfast for the kids. I made breakfast, and me and the kids had a jolly time. Mostly cause at this point we had a duck named Sparticus and a goat named Elvis. The goat would follow the duck everywhere. If the duck stood still for a minute the goat would rape it.

This was amusing enough, but on this fine day the goat was in rare form and when i let Bubba out, the goat tried to rape him. I was always of the opinion that Bubba was a human in dog form, so when Bubba literally did a double take I could almost hear him thinking WTF. Very patiently Bubba turned around, grabbed the goat around the neck, and shook the ever fucking daylights out of the goat, and then peed on his inert body.

laughter ensued. a lot of it. and we woke up the monster.

I had watched the whole episode with the animals from my kitchen window while I did the dishes. Nancy came stomping into the kitchen from our bedroom. Stomped off to the bathroom, and then returned to the kitchen.

"What?!" she demanded.

I turned. and for a moment she looked just like the fucking girl that comes out of the TV in that shitty movie The Ring. I raised my eyebrows, but said nothing. At this point I had started reading a lot of books about how to deal with pyschological abuse. I decided to try out a technique that one had recommended, dont say ANYTHING. I turned back to doing the dishes.

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!" She shouted, and the kids made a break for it to their rooms. At this point they had learned that any argument we had would be worse if they were around cause I would back down if they weren't around, but if she could bring them into it I would defend them ferociously. Plus seriously, who wants to fucking waste a saturday morning listening to their parents argue?

"YOU NO GOOD JOBLESS (i had three jobs at this point), FUCKING DRUG ADDICT ASSHOLE (hadnt touched anything in months), FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, BLAH, FUCKING BLAH, BLAH"

"I made breakfast." I should have stayed quiet.

I don't know what she said next, she just started screaming. I concentrated on doing the dishes like my life depended on it. Then there was silence. I should have seen it coming, but I was just hoping that she would go away. I heard steps come up behind me, and before I knew what was going on she hit me in the back of the head with a can of scrubby bubbles. She nearly knocked me the fuck out, and she managed to hit me three or four more times before the can burst, and I could turn around.

I turned around and she tried to spray me in the eyes with the scrubby bubbles. Calmly, I grabbed the arm with holding the spray can and raised her arm up so she could not get the shit in my eyes. I kept telling her to calm down, and she tried to knee me in the nuts, slipped, and fell to the floor.

She started screaming help at the top of her lungs. The kids came running, and when she spied them she screamed "SEE HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN, THIS IS HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN" the kids turned and walked to their rooms. I cant imagine what it looked like to them, but we have laughed about this incident many times. It was pathetic that she would try to use them to hurt me, but it was pretty typical.

gotta go pee, will continue......
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  #66  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 02:12 AM       
jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?
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  #67  
george george is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 02:36 AM       
continuued:

So when nancy suggested that we have a party, i went along with her. I wont say i wasnt willing, i like to have fun. This turned out to be the greatest party i have ever been a part of. For the month that we planned it all out we did not have a single fight, it was a true team effort, but there was a little trouble ahead.

A friend of ours had broken up with her boyfriend. She found out he was banging her fourteen year old daughter, and sent him packing. He was furious about it. Word had gotten back to me from another friend that he was planning to pull "Some Columbine Shit" at my house on the day of the party.

I knew this guy had an AK47, I knew he had done jail time for building a bomb and trying to blow up some dude for money. I also knew this guy was completely capable of going on a shooting spree. To make my point, he would later die in a car wreck while chasing down another exgirlfriend and her new boyfriend so he could kill them. He was a fucking pyscho.

Being the rational person I was, I suggested not having the party. I was really afraid of the idea of this guy killing a bunch of people on my property. I would feel like shit if I knew he was planning some shit like that and hurt people. I had the last fight I would ever have with Nancy that day. We argued for a long time. It ended when she called me a Pussy. I had been a pussy my whole life, that the reason life was so hard was because i was such a pussy. That I was a failure as a father and husband because I was just a big pussy.

and although I felt in light of a lot of logical reasons I was not being a pussy, I realized she was right. I had let this stupid bitch terrorize me for over a decade because i was too big a pussy to stand up to her. Fuck it, let her have her party, quite frankly i hoped she was the first fucking person this asshole shot.

Well, the party went off without a hitch. A local biker gang agreed to do security and the Psycho knew these dudes well enough that he didnt want to fuck with them (funny side note, i was friends with these guys cause one of them had spanked me for being an asshole when i was a kid and then became friends with my Dad cause my Dad also spanked me for being an asshole and so the circle of life goes). We had ten bands play, and well over a thousand people came to this party. You know its been a good time when you wake up in the morning and a bunch of naked people (men and women) are playing horshoes in the back yard.

I hadn't forgotten that whole pussy thing. No one little bit.

So when Erin came to me and asked if she could have her 21st birthday party at my house, I said yes. Over the years Erin and I had become pretty close, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. She had made it pretty clear she wanted me to fuck her for her birthday. Nancy never stayed home at this point, and Erin's birthday was no different. It was also a really good party.

About halfway through, Erin and I went to my room and had sex. While we were off having fun somone decided to steal my PS2

When I realized it was gone in the morning I felt really bad, me and the kids used that as our only form of entertainment. We had no phone or cable, and it was our only way to watch DVD's. I already regretted sleeping with Erin. As I noted earlier, I am not a cheater. I am not trying to justify it, but I only went through with it cause she was so fucking hot, and I kinda wanted to prove to myself i wasnt a pussy. Low self esteem, mixed with a stolen play station, mixed with violating everything you believe in equals a perfect storm of depression.

Instead of folding, I decided to get my shit together. I spent more time with the kids. I cleaned house obsessively, and in general started doing positive stuff. I felt dirty inside and it bothered me, I wanted to be a good person again.

As luck would have it, I got a call from Juliet. Another opening had come open on the base. She had done me a solid (again, she LOVED my brother) and held onto my application from the last time, and offered me a job. This tie I had been clean for awhile, I passed the pee test and for the next year Nancy and I avoided each other like the plague. I worked hard, and got my finances under control, and life started getting to be ok.
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  #68  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 09:57 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by kahljorn View Post
jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?

I'm with kahl - how could you not kick the shit out of this bitch? You could teach anger management. Or be a therapist.
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  #69  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 12:10 PM       
She sounds like just a horrible, horrible person. And like she thought she could get away with most of it because she was a woman.
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  #70  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 12:40 PM       
My stepmum is like her. Some people are just evil, for lack of a better word.
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  #71  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 01:26 PM       
StepMUM? Aren't you from the south?
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  #72  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 01:40 PM       
AKA SISTER
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  #73  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 01:46 PM       
It's always been "mum" for me. I don't have an accent or regional dialect. All my vocabulary comes from books and movies.

I also say "awwwwwnt", instead of "ant". My mum told me that was wrong, but I neither unlearned it nor cared.
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  #74  
bigtimecow bigtimecow is offline
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 02:00 PM       
that little bit on the 2nd page about running away from the nicely boobed woman, having sex with nancy, getting your daughter out of it etc. etc. is one of the most passionate things i have ever read (especially on this board)

this thread is warming my heart
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  #75  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
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Old Nov 13th, 2009, 03:17 PM       
george has lived life to the fullest - from the depths of the 9th circle of hell to the highest of the celestial spheres.

I'm still waiting for the "celestial" part.
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