Features

Esuohlim · #**17951**

Fwd: Re: Fresh stuff Enjoy multi-orgasms using this powerful thing

Dear member, If you lie down with dogs you will come up with fleas Life is like a box of
chocolates, sometimes hard, sometimes soft Loving life is living Books and friends should be few There is a time to speak and a time to be silent

Enjoy multiple orgasms with the power of proverbs I guess is the point

Pub Lover · #**17952**

I'd hit it. :mcdonalds

Pub Lover · #**17953**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero

I'm watching a episode of X Files on Sci-Fi with Burt Reynolds and I have no idea what it's about, yet I must keep watching.

I remember that episode. I think Burt Reynolds is meant to be God.

Which is a stone cold fact!

Pub Lover · #**17954**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rongi

milhouse, no offense i like you and everything, but there is absolutely nothing funny or entertaining about your website at all

I think that most days.

Pub Lover · #**17955**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover

Uh oh! :banned

Pub Lover · #**17956**

I'm not sure if I should edit those posts. :/

Pub Lover · #**17957**

Fine they're edited.

Pub Lover · #**17958**

Red eckses!

Esuohlim · #**17959**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover

I think that most days.

sigh

Pub Lover · #**17960**

Mostly the days that I'm With Stupid, Top Ten Faggot, or my own self are the update.

Pub Lover · #**17961**

STU -If you read the papers yesterday, or a week ago if it's now the Friday night repeat, you'll have seen Judge Mr Justice Harman resigned. He's a judge notable for making a few crazy statements in his career. Perhaps the most outrageous was when a woman in his court asked to be addressed as Ms, and he said "I've always thought there are only three types of women in the world; wives, whores and mistresses."

RICH -Ridiculous thing to say. It's awful isn't it? I mean, there are only two types of women; wives and whores.

Pub Lover · #**17962**

RICH -NO, I'm joking! In the bad old days, in the seventies, men used to genuinely believe that there were only two types of women, the angel and the whore. I'm glad I live in the nineties with The Spice Girls and girl power. They've shown how ridiculous that idea is. There are actually five types of women.

STU -That's just as biased!

RICH -Five very distinct types, Stu. Not two, like you and Bernard Manning think.

STU -I don't think that! I've said!

Pub Lover · #**17963**

RICH -And the Spice Girls each represent one of the five types.

STU -I'd love to see you explain how that works.

RICH -All right, Stu, I will with the aid of these cardboard cut-outs.

The first type of woman, of the five, is represented by Posh Victoria Spice. She's sophisticated, she's a lady. Not the kind of woman you can take to Pizza Hut, no. She's classy. You'd have to take her to Pizza Express.

STU -You can't say that! It's sexist!

RICH -It's not! Only one in five women are like that. Not one in two, like you and Jim Davidson think.

STU -I don't think that! I said!

Pub Lover · #**17964**

RICH -The second type of women is represented by Scary Mel B. She represents the kind of woman who is obsessed with sex. Sex! Sex! Sex! That's all she thinks about! She wants it Stu! She's a whore! A jezebel! She's a harlot! She's a bed bucket!

STU -A bed bucket?

RICH -Yes, Stu! She wants it! It's not sexist. Only one in five women are like that, Stu. Not one in two like you and Geoffrey Boycott think.

STU -I don't think that!

Pub Lover · #**17965**

RICH -The third type of woman is represented by Ginger Geri. She's the one with the red hair. Though, if you've seen the photos of her on the Internet doing that Kung-Fu kick you'll know she's not a natural red head. She's a leader, Stu. She's powerful, she's manipulative. She manipulates men to do what she wants.

STU -You can't say that.

RICH -She's like Margaret Thatcher, but with a nicer arse.

Pub Lover · #**17966**

RICH - The fourth type of woman is represented by Baby Emma. She represents the one in five women who are blond... and nothing else.

STU -You can't say that!

RICH -One in five are like that, not one in two like you and Skeletor think.

STU -I don't think that! [TO AUDIENCE] Don't clap him!

RICH -No, it's true.

Pub Lover · #**17967**

RICH -The final type of woman is represented by Sporty Melanie Chisholm.

STU -Chisholm?

RICH -Chisholm, Stu. Jissom.

She represents the final twenty percent of women, which is ugly women... who can jump.

STU -You can't say that!

Pub Lover · #**17968**

RICH -She's got an ugly face, Stu, but boy watch her leap. It's incredible! Look, like a Zebedee or something!

STU -Are you saying that nature has given her the jumping ability as some kind of compensation for the ugliness? Is that it?

RICH -I think that's too simplistic an explanation; the nature argument. That's what a lamb would think.

STU -Don't patronise me.

Pub Lover · #**17969**

RICH -I think it's nurture. I think Melanie Chisholm--

STU -Chisholm?

RICH -Chisholm, Stu. Chisholm has been nurtured by society to jump, right? I think Melanie Chisholm was born. She looked in the mirror.

STU -What? In the hospital?

RICH -Yeah.

STU -As a baby?

RICH -Yeah. She thought "Oh dear, I'm a bit ugly. Better learn a skill ."

STU -What? Jumping up and down?

Pub Lover · #**17970**

RICH -Yeah, men love a jumping woman. You think about it, jumping is the only way an ugly woman can procreate. Imagine the scene, you're sitting in your house, minding your own business, right. Melanie Chisholm--

STU -Chisholm?

RICH -Chisholm, kind of leapt in through your window, did a cartwheel across the floor, did a backflip up onto your lap. Collected your gametes.

STU -Chisholm?

RICH -No, gametes is more polite, Stu. In her ovaries, and be out the window before you've had a chance to look at her. Just as she disappearing down the street you'll go "Hold on, she's a bit ugly!"

Too late, Stu! She's got your gametes! The ugly-woman line will continue! YAAAAY! I can feel them fertilising!