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  #1  
mew barios mew barios is offline
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Old Sep 5th, 2011, 09:22 PM        CRIMEBEAT
while i technicially live in a city of sorts, this is a low population area. they print a local paper weekly, but there's barely enough to talk about to fill even a few pages so they print fun things like the arrest reports and anything someone decides to complain to the cops about. there's always at least one blurb a week that captures my imagination. maybe i will post them here in the future :o
Spoilers!
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  #2  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old Sep 5th, 2011, 09:41 PM       
How descriptive. Someone at the paper is having fun with those.
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  #3  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 12:33 AM       
"arranged his DVD collection into a phallic shape", hahah
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  #4  
Zhukov Zhukov is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 02:26 AM       
Awesome. Reminds me of my local paper.
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  #5  
k0k0 k0k0 is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 03:16 AM       
I see the beige slipper bandit is still at it. Stealing people's medication and then leaving a beige slipper at the scene.
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  #6  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 03:20 AM       
that fools gonna be fucked when they arrest him at the end of home alone
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  #7  
k0k0 k0k0 is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 03:36 AM       
What are we at now, like home alone 5? Does it even go straight to dvd anymore, or is it an abc television special?
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  #8  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 04:29 PM       
This is the best thread in a while.
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That was very funny. Well done.
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  #9  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Sep 6th, 2011, 04:48 PM       
Yes it is, I need to green pickle it.
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  #10  
ItalianStereotype ItalianStereotype is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 01:32 AM       
I can't have anything like this since I live in San Antonio and that shit would be like a collector's edition Sports Illustrated every week. With Mexicans, CRIME DOESN'T NOT PAY.
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  #11  
ItalianStereotype ItalianStereotype is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 01:34 AM       
Spoilers!
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  #12  
k0k0 k0k0 is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 03:52 AM       
I've been to San Antonio and there truly are more mexicans there than I think mexico has. Did they flock there just because the name sounded comforting?
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ItalianStereotype ItalianStereotype is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 05:35 AM       
They're here because they've already lowered the property value of everything else to the south.
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  #14  
Aaarg Aaarg is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 10:25 AM       
better than fuckin wops am i right??????


also i love crime reports
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  #15  
Tacobot Tacobot is offline
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Old Sep 7th, 2011, 06:20 PM       
Are you just using this to show off your own bizarre crimes?
Training attack goats and egging cars i see right through you!
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  #16  
k0k0 k0k0 is offline
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Old Sep 8th, 2011, 03:06 AM       
I'm actually pretty impressed that you put on a wig and dress to do two of the crimes.
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  #17  
Aaarg Aaarg is offline
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Old Sep 8th, 2011, 09:13 AM       
i just like the shoes on the fan
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  #18  
Aaarg Aaarg is offline
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Old Sep 8th, 2011, 09:14 AM       
come home, turn on the fan, KICKED IN THE FACE
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  #19  
Evil Robot II Evil Robot II is offline
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Old Sep 9th, 2011, 12:43 AM       
A guy up the street from me just stripped butt naked except for a steak knife. He went door to door until an elderly woman answered and her stabbed he to death. I used to see the woman he killed all the time when I get breakfast at the deli.
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  #20  
Evil Robot II Evil Robot II is offline
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Old Sep 9th, 2011, 12:44 AM       
Also I found a bullet hole in the lower right quarter panel of my porsche. Its strange because I havent driven it in over a month.
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  #21  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
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Old Sep 11th, 2011, 06:55 AM       
this uppity dyke my ex used to know flipped off some dude on the freeway who pulled out a gun and shot holes in her car... and ass

dunno if thats a true story but its funny either way
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  #22  
Kitsa Kitsa is offline
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Old Sep 11th, 2011, 11:11 PM       
Our paper is always just full of drug deal shootings or small-town politicians who can't control their dicks appropriately.
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  #23  
Zhukov Zhukov is offline
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Old Sep 12th, 2011, 04:59 AM       
Front page of today's paper tells of a pizza delivery guy being robbed at knife point of "nearly $200 worth of mixed spirits".
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  #24  
executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Sep 12th, 2011, 11:26 AM       
whoa that's my kind of pizza party
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  #25  
Tadao Tadao is offline
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Old Sep 12th, 2011, 11:40 AM       
In Tasmania, you order booze and they ask you if you want a side order of pizza with that.
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