Go Back   I-Mockery Forum > I-Mockery Discussion Forums > General Blabber
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 11:58 AM        what happend to me, a story for chojin
ok this might be a long story, nothing i say in this is to make people feel sorry for me or anything like that. i will be honest with most of it, but in a few spots i will have to take poetic license cause this IS the intraweb and some things are other peoples business and not mine to post. i hope this can go unsaid, but i ask for no pity from anyone on this. i have had time to deal with all of it and i think it is all kind of funny now so:

1995 to about mid 1997

ok, this is to provide a little background, cause the full impact of everything else that happens is lost without a little background.

May 1995: I am offered a comission in the Marines. I have worked six years for this day. It is what i have wanted since I was 17yrs old. My wife Nancy has supported me, and helped me to get to this point. We have just had a new baby. Life is PERFECT. I have money, a nice house, two cars, and I love my wife with all of my heart. When I tell Nancy about being accepted into OCS (under an enlisted comissioning program) she tells me "If you stay in the Marines I will divorce you."

I decide to get out of the Marines. As a side note, I would have been able to retire this year if I had stayed in.

October 1995: I get out of the Marines and we (my family) move in with my mother in law. We move in with her because the death of her husband has left her reeling (oddly enough, he had been on his way to visit Nancy and I and had a car accident) and she literally got on her knees and begged us to move in with her.

Nancy has a surgery at Bethesda Naval Medical Center. It is a simple Gaul Bladder removal, same day release surgery that got postponed cause of her being pregnant, so the military was doing it because it was a legacy condition. They botched it, and it turned into the biggest nightmare that I could have ever imagined. They killed her through incompetence at least three times. The woman that came out of that "Same Day" surgery three months later was a very different version of the person who went in.

December 26, 1995: I get thrown out of my mother in laws house i did not see this coming, i came home from work and my shit was packed and MIL and Wife said I had to go. I would later learn that my Wife had told my MIL that I was cheating on her, and that I had a drug problem (it had been three years since i had even had a drink, much less drugs)

February 1996: After living with a friend for a few months I decide to go back in the Marines. I join a unit near my hometown. I have a lot of fun in this unit and a lot of interesting adventures. Nancy in the kids move into base housing with me. Nancy and I fight almost constantly, and it is awful.

July 1996: I am on a deployment in San Diego, CA. I call home to tell my wife I got a tattoo (it had her name on it BTW) and she tells me that she's glad I called because she wouldnt be there when I got back. When I get home all the stuff is gone, and the only thing left is my dog (it had been sick when I left) and it is dead in the middle of what had been the living room.

January 1997: Nancy turns up and asks me for money for an abortion. I am all for a woman having the right to choose and all that, but none of my money will ever go to murder a baby. I convince her to put it up for adoption, and end up taking responsibility for organizing the whole thing for her (mostly be getting her Mom and Sisters to take her to an Adoption agency). I set it up so she can have the baby at the base hospital. When my command realizes that i am helping my estranged wife have another mans baby on the USMC's dime it effectively ends my USMC career, and I am denied reenlistment.

August 1997: Nancy has the baby. I get slapped in the face by a nurse that I had been dating when Nancy and I were split up.

that sums up this part. Nancy and I get back together, mostly because i cannot take being seperated from my children. Things are actually pretty good for awhile, and during this time is when I met a lot of the old imockery crowd (including boring roger and doopa to death at a party at my house )


ok, i gotta take a break for a minute. more to come...
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
Fathom Zero's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: cancer
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 12:33 PM       
If I saw you, George, I'd give you the biggest, bestest hug.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
captain516 captain516 is offline
Amicable Herculean
captain516's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: looking for a decent cheeseburger
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 12:41 PM       
sad story bro
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Shrubfest Shrubfest is offline
Thrills and Oblongs
Shrubfest's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: A cupboard.
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 12:47 PM       
This is only half of your shit? Christ. Remind me never to grow up.
__________________
False teeth are startling.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
SKATASTIC
10,000 Volt Ghost's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 01:12 PM       
I'm sorry to hear about your dog
__________________
God speed you meddling kids.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Zomboid Zomboid is offline
The Wolf
Zomboid's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt! LOL
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 01:22 PM       
Your ex-wife sounds like a raging cunt. Just sayin'.
__________________

That was very funny. Well done.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
The Leader The Leader is offline
Is a RoboCop.
The Leader's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: How do you like these apples, Chojin?
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 01:33 PM       
I like this thread.
__________________
JUST DANCE!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Dimnos's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baseball Town, TX
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 01:35 PM       
How many kids do you have with this cunt lady?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Esuohlim View Post
Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
Reply With Quote
  #9  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 02:32 PM       
three kids, and dont cry for me at all, i really mean it. there was all kinds of fun mixed in, and it is just life.

the funny part is coming, i just ran out of time today. i will write more of it when i get home from work tonight.

i promise, it will make you laugh in the end.
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Sacks Sacks is offline
The Wrong Melon Farmer
Sacks's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: (つ♥ヮ♥)つ ٩๏̯͡๏)۶
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 03:06 PM       
This woman is really good at destroying your career.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Carnivore Carnivore is offline
Red, dead meat!
Carnivore's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Massachusetts
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 03:07 PM       
I'm hooked. Can't wait for the next episode.
__________________

Carni's on-the-job body count: Probably over 100 by now. I usually don't try to save them if nobody's looking....
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Dimnos Dimnos is offline
LOVES the tubal ligation!
Dimnos's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baseball Town, TX
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 03:42 PM       
Need more story time.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Esuohlim View Post
Exactly. Life's too short to not be ejaculating as often as possible
Reply With Quote
  #13  
10,000 Volt Ghost 10,000 Volt Ghost is offline
SKATASTIC
10,000 Volt Ghost's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 04:06 PM       
publish your memoirs
__________________
God speed you meddling kids.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Chojin Chojin is offline
was never good
Chojin's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 1999
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 04:18 PM       
oh god
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
Fathom Zero's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: cancer
Old Nov 6th, 2009, 04:53 PM       
George makes too many threads. Now I look like what I really am; comfused.

I'M WAITING ON BATED BREATH, GEORGE.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 7th, 2009, 01:27 AM       
2003

Ok, this is the year that I got laid off from Sprint. For those of you who were around then you may remember that I was kind of happy about losing that job. I was pretty much getting paid to come on i-mockery, but if you have ever seen Office Space then you understand how I felt about Sprint. I am the type of guy who likes to work, I am awful if I have a lot of down time.

So,
I get laid off in march and get three months severence pay. Three things happen during this period of time that are embarassing to me personally, but again important to set the end of things:

1. I get smaked out of my gourd every day. For the purpose of conversation I will say I was drinking and I was doing it heavily. I had already lined up a job and had nothing to do for three months except collect checks and get fucked up.

2. I watched the news. I was off work from the very first day of the gulf war, and if you were too young, or had a job maybe you did not get to see the full range of coverage but there was some very, very trippy shit happening in the early days of that war that got shown on the news. Well, the news also did a special segment on a special, legal, way of getting fucked up for cheap. and so I watched a lot of the war in a highly altered state of mind. I also watched the LOTR like a million times.

3. I got too fucked up one night and while sitting outside looking at the stars (and for those of you who have been to what me and the kids refer to as "the white house" you know that there is NOTHING nearby) I had a seizure and from my point of view died in my front yard. I had a vision, it was really fucked up (a story for another day). I woke up to the kids burying me, cause they thought it was funny.

now, you would think I had learned my lesson. but i didnt. i got worse. so at this point Nancy had just about enough of me and my new habits. Mostly cause she had to spend a lot of time at home instead of going out with her friends because I could not be counted on to do ANYTHING except get fucked up and watch LOTR. i in no way try to justify my behavior, but my point of view at the time was that I was on vacation with pay. I was deep in a bad habit, and anyone that has been an addict, or lived with one knows how selfish and self serving they can be. I was as bad as any i can imagine.

until, one day I was watching 60 minutes and they did a special on GHB addiction. this guys kids filmed his deterioration as he got more and more addicted. they did it to try and show him that he had a problem, and man this cat had a BIG fucking problem. The segment ended with this guy blowing his parole by drinking floor cleaner in a Sears cause it had GHB in it.

i went to sleep that night bummed because I was going to have to be sober the next day becuase i had to go to my grandmothers funeral. When I woke up in the morning and looked around my room there was nothing but empty bottles all around my room. It would be a while later that I would see Requim to a Dream but I understood the final scene when the girl is siting in her apartment with about a million bits of paper all around. i was horrified. the whole thing with the guy on TV suddenly came back to me. For the most part I was worried about the kids (i have had open discussions with them about this period of time, and none of them remember anything except that they fucking hate the LOTR, or at least so they say). I quit my new habits that morning, I have been mother and father for these children for most of their lives. They needed me back from vacation.

Nancy loved the fact I had fallen down. Now for those of you who have never been in a NEED based realtionship, there is always the Needy one and the strong one. Nancy knew she was the needy one, and absolutely hated me for it. Now that she had a stick to beat me with, she used my actions to justify ANYTHING she did. and man she did anything.

I WILL HAVE TO LEAVE IT HERE FOR THE MOMENT!! WE ARE GETTING THERE GUYS
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Terra Terra is offline
MAMA MIA!
Terra's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2004
Old Nov 7th, 2009, 09:03 AM       
Wow george. Glad you're still alive.
__________________
Oh fuck it
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 7th, 2009, 04:01 PM       
Damn, bro', you been doin' some serious bad mojo. Or something.

Are you sure this will end with a laugh?
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 7th, 2009, 11:12 PM       
it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

but there is some funny stuff coming.

i am off work tomorrow and monday so i will prolly finnish this thing up in the next day or so. sorry to keep you waiting for the end of this story, but i had a busy night arguing politics with a bunch of Greeks and a black guy that looks like a black guy made out of a rather large bull
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Terra Terra is offline
MAMA MIA!
Terra's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2004
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 10:02 AM       
When you argue with Greeks keep your back to the wall! j/s
__________________
Oh fuck it
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
after enough bourbon ...
Colonel Flagg's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 12:33 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by george View Post
it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.
If you say so, brah. :word
__________________
The future is fun,
The future is fair.
You may already have won!
You may already be there.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
Fathom Zero's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: cancer
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 03:28 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by george View Post
it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.
Hey, I am too. It's the only way I can make it through some tragedies. I have this running joke with people where Whatchamacallits are my Uncle's favorite candy bar, but he can't eat them anymore. When they ask me why, I let them know it's because he's dead.

I love that one.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
george george is offline
i will let you down
george's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MARYLAND
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 05:12 PM       
you understand

once me and the kids were at a gas station. at the time we had this monster of a jeep. it looked like it had gotten blown up in the war, and put back to use after very minor repairs.

we were all in pajama's and some gay assed 80's song came on the radio that all WaWa'a and Sheets seem to play at top volume. me and the kids started dancing, and i am sure we looked like a pack of retards.

there was this guy putting gas in his mecedes at the pump directly in front of us. he was a very well appointed fellow, and he gave us a look of disgust. we all stop dancing, and my daughter Tuesday says "look at that guy!"

i started laughing and said loud enough for him to hear "Fuck him!"

Tuesday laughs and replies "Yeah! We know how to live!"

and we all start dancing again. The guy gets obviously upset, slams the nozzle back in the pump, slams his car door and goes roaring out of the gas station as we dance and laugh.

FZ i think you might get the point of this story. you sir now how to live, and i bet your grandfather would like your joke.
__________________
tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
i am super humble, and better than bacon
doctorboogie fanclub member #1
@jorgedomingo on twitter.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
kahljorn kahljorn is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: NO
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 06:25 PM       
IT WAS HIS UNCLE DICK

JESUS YOURE GONNA MAKE HIM CRY
__________________
NEVER
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Fathom Zero Fathom Zero is offline
frappez le cochon rouge
Fathom Zero's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: cancer
Old Nov 8th, 2009, 06:44 PM       
Even better, he killed himself. And I bet my mum would appreciate it; she was the oldest out of the five of them.

I love your story, dude. I try to live that way, but I think the key is not to try, just let it loose. To have to try and live carefree is to negate its purpose. Then again, I like to think I have a few years ahead of me to learn how to live right, yo.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

   


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:14 PM.


© 2008 I-Mockery.com
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.