Aug 8th, 2006, 02:46 AM
New "Internet" fad takes teens by storm
By SHAWNA DUKAKIS, Los Angeles Times Writer
LOS ANGELES, California - The most popular networked computer system to date, also known as the "Internet", has bred a new culture among America's teens. "Bart the General", as it is commonly referred to, is a crude homemade video which contributes to the shift in teen's attitudes towards computational systems, especially models intended for domestic usage.
"Yea, I log on [to access the "Internet"] four or five times a day, just to watch B.T.G.! Marge, you're breaking my heart! I just can't believe how [expletive] hilarious this [expletive] is," babbles Tyler Nerdstrom, an entering senior at John F. Kennedy High School. While this statement may lead most of the population to believe that this cult-hit mainly appeals to teens with no friends and low GPAs, JFK High's valedictorian of 2006, Katsuo Takayama, begs to differ. "I L.O.L.-ed [Laughed Out Loud] at this too many times, and my parents have punished me greatly for dishonoring my family by watching this 'piece of [expletive], this abortion of the Ipod generation.' [multiple Japanese expletives]"
The title of the video, "Bart the General", may have people believing that it is simply a copyright-infringing republication of the 1990 The Simpsons episode, "Bart the General". In the televised episode, Bart Simpson, the trouble-making son of the Simpson family, leads a group of his classmates in defeating a playground bully.
A survey of people over the age of 25 has revealed that 90% of the people interviewed were repulsed at the images shown before them. In one extreme case, the five-year-old child of a subject being interviewed started bawling at the sight of Rod and Todd Flanders, sons of the Simpsons' next door neighbor, being hurled out of their home's second story windows. The remaining ten percent, after much prodding, admitted that they were heavy "Internet" users and regularly viewed videos with questionable comedic content. Without being prompted, they referred the creators of the survey to equally repulsive videos such as "The Juggernaut [expletive]" or "All Your Base".
Are America's teens in trouble? According to JFK High School's Student Counselor Nathan Horschfeld, yes. "These are the kinds of videos that are ruining the English language," he rants. "On top of that, teens who regularly enjoy watching these abhorrent videos form cliques whose sole purpose is to refer as many people as they can toward these atrocities." He goes on to explain that they use bully tactics to force people into enjoying them for acceptance. He referred to a few extreme cases in which social peers were called monsters.
While the issue is debatable, most rational people agree that if Bush doesn't get around to it first, these videos will ravage the already declining American intellectual landscape.
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