Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks

[Rez]

Today glowbelly finally signed the papers and her thinking's as straight as the rope that previously had a knot tied on it but no longer. or something. at any rate this is a perfectly resonable litmus test thats not influenced by hot-buttered contempt so much as RCS (REGULAR COMMON SENSE).

anyway she has questions for you people doubtlessly lined up to oh-so-subtly flirt with and make insipid allowances for every bad joke she has. filth.

why she's having me post this is a mystery to me. i asked her to do it herself because i was simply "BOARDING WAY TOO HARD" but she insisted and i relented only if i got to add in a question of my own (GUESS WHICH ONE).

PRELUDE: do you read? if yes, go on. if no, go away

OKAY TAKE IT AWAY

[glowbelly]

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

[Rez]

YOU TURKEY

[glowbelly]

just kidding.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

12. have you read them?

13. did you really go to college?

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

15. do you talk in cliches?

[Pub Lover]

Originally Posted by glowbelly

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

Uh, I would discuss with you that there is an oppurtunaty available and that I might like to take it. :creep

Originally Posted by glowbelly

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

Yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

Only if it is infact my boss and my boss was GW. I could speakerphone it as long as it's not too late. Of course, if it's late I'm really rude to people calling me.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

Because you can do better. Also, I broke something and it's hidden in the garage under the pretext of 'fixing' it.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

Yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

As part of some sort of Easter Egg hunt, yes.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

Buy more because we budgeted properly and have some savings, except ugh milk, you make it yourself, drink that.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

Only if you have shown a tendency to not stick to the budget if it seems we're temporarily affluent.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

I think I might start lying about our finances, yeah.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

None.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes, all of them infact.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

12. have you read them?

Some.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

13. did you really go to college?

I can't remember I was drunk.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

You'd be briefed beforehand on what things not to say.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

15. do you talk in cliches?

Not at first.

[Rez]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

only if it's possible that i can keep it a secret because doing that without you finding out somehow is just too funny. then i would drop it in conversation all nonchalant like and watch you really awkwardly.

bonus points if it's making chumsicles for shark week.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT WOULD BE TALKING TO MYSELF SINCE THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH YOUR NOW EX-HUSBAND AND IT WAS KINDA CREEPYTOWNE. BUT RE: TALKING TO MYSELF ABOUT BOOBS: ALSO KINDA FUNNY IF I MAKE A PRODUCTION OF IT

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

uh no it's a friend jesus christ is that concept so alien these days

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?



5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

what tadao said. cept the puppy dies while licking my ear, whimpering gently.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

i would share only the really bad porn. i would buy only really bad porn. boners kept in check by laughter are the best kind. IT MEANS YOU'RE STILL HUMAN.
JUST KIDDING I WOULDNT KEEP PORN IN A HOUSE THAT CONTAINS JACOB THATS

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

FIELD TRIP TO AMISH COUNTRY
we're going to learn how to milk a cow
goddamn that's awesome

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

run through the truth real quick and get in a ROARING FIGHT ABOUT MY NEEDS.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

a bit of both?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

GHROSS WHAT i dont know-

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

i lost my ability to read in a vomitorium back in '98

12. have you read them?

NO I DONT READ. I DONT BREATHE

13. did you really go to college?

YES AND I WON. I WON COLLEGE

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

no my family needs to be messed with

15. do you talk in cliches?

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU GORGEOUS

[Tadao]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
A: You wear the torn pantyhose in the family, so yes.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
A: Only if those boobs are yours and you are fucking me in Cali.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
A: No, to test the water yet again, I say that it is a woman who wants to have a 3way.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
A: No, I would be lying. Even if I came within 2 seconds we both know I am not sorry am I am very pleased with myself.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
A: Yes, that is funny and I am going to use that one a lot now. Thank you.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
A: Of course, it's so much kinkier when I come home and your watching my hidden stash and masturbating.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
A: The truth, I'm already busted if you're asking me.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
A: Every single one I had.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
A: I only own dirty German fetish mags.

12. have you read them?
A: I might, in order to learn how to write one sothat I can get rch quick off of people buying my book.

13. did you really go to college?
A: Please don't bring that up. It was one time and I was drunk and he said he would never say anything but then pictures where taken and then guys started calling me all the time and I started to crave it and now... now... GODDAMMIT I NEED A COCK IN MY MOUTH!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
A: Only after I slap you across the face.

15. do you talk in cliches?
A: :SLAP

[Zomboid]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
BABE, IF YOU WAS MY LADY I TELL YOU ERR'THING.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, and frequently.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
That's a shitty lie, so no.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For spunking too early, on you, or in you if you're not on the pill or if I don't have a domer on.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if your best friend is really gullible and hot.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. I don't care who knows that I enjoy porn.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Bring in all the empties and get milk/cigarettes.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd probably lie.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'd let ya handle it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Depends on how stressed out I am. I mean, a man needs his relief.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Almost exclusively!

12. have you read them?
Almost all of them!

13. did you really go to college?
Still in!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No. But then, I don't like my family so we'd just avoid that.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only when it's bound to amuse or annoy.

[Esuohlim]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Tell you what now?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
If California boobs are indeed worthy of discussion then I am hell of jealous right now

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It could very well be a girl and my boss. What an age we live in

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
You know why

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I don't have the muscles to prove such a lie

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Yeah, probably, but I don't buy porn anyway so if you found some I'd be the one asking the questions.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Oh shit I don't know Uh well maybe the neighbors have some? Oh god

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
We'd be rich as hell dear don't even worry about it

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
More like we CAN pay rent this month. Unless you had something to do with it

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None I'd be right there with you watching every nauseating second because you told me to

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I don't own ANY get-rich-quick books :bonuspoints

12. have you read them?
Not all of them

13. did you really go to college?
Still am. And not only that bet when I do get my degree I'll hang it up in a conspicuous place so that you'll have to look at it every damn day

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Hopefully I won't have to say a word and the daggers I'll stare into your eyes will be enough.

15. do you talk in cliches?[/quote]
No way that shit really grinds my gears

[Mockery]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
No, but only because super spies never reveal the true nature of their work.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Only if somebody asks me about them. The boobs aren't as much as a concern to me as the lips. While there are many naturally beautiful women in L.A., there are absolutely horrifying ones who have had so much work done on their lips that they look like the Joker. Scary :O

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, I claim it's an old stalker and you should be thankful that I'm with you instead of somebody who obviously cares more about me like her.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For breaking your vagina.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say I rescued a cat.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
That all depends on whether you paid for half of it or not. If you didn't help pay for it, fuck you, it's all mine. Wait, we're talking about a pizza, right?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
I pop enough of your zits and mix in the puss with some water so it becomes a milk white. Drink up!

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd say I rescued a cat.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither. We break into some old crone's mansion, hold her hostage and live like royalty for the remainder of our lives.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I would smoke as many as I could IN the delivery room in hopes that the kid would abort just in the nick of time.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Nope, my books are mostly about the ridiculous kind of subject matter you see on this site.

12. have you read them?
Some yes, some no. I will say that I'm one of the most ill-read writers you'll find.

13. did you really go to college?
Yeah. I went to Drexel University for Computer Science & Journalism. Then I got accepted to the College of William & Mary, so I transfered there to major in English. Then I became a MASTOR OF WEB DESIGN and dropped out. :O

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'll say, "Here, you talk to them... I'm gonna go run and hide somewhere so I don't have to."

15. do you talk in cliches?
That was a very cliche question. Are you gonna ask me what my favorite color is next?

[executioneer]

I CANT POST IN THIS THREAD CAUSE IM NOT A FLIRTATOS JERK

Spoilers!

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? YES 2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? only if they want to hear a bunch of conjecture re: plastic surgery 3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? only if i am practicing my sitcom acting 4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? farts 5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? hahahah no 6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? porn is against the law 7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? break into a farm and swipe some from a cow 8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? truth because my dad did that shit to my mom for years and now they are in deep shit 9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? man if i ever couldn't pay rent i'd be too depressed to speak 10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? NONE 11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? every book is a get rich quick book if you have a strong enough imagination 12. have you read them? BOOKS ARE FOR READ 13. did you really go to college? yes but it was only for a week to visit my friend and get very drunk, i wasnt enrolled or anything 14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? hahah no 15. do you talk in cliches? sometimes but i like to jazz them up usually!

[glowbelly]

willie, i the way you spoil me.

[kahljorn]

I'm going to respond even though I have no idea what to say.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IM A SECRET AGENT AND I CSNT SHARE THESE THINGS

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT'S LOW BROW!

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

NO BECAUSE THATS AN EASY WAY TO LOOK LIKE YOURE CHEATING

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

BECAUSE AFTER SEX AND BEFORE SEX OCCUR AT THE SAME MOMENT

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

lol well maybe you didn't know this but that dog actually SAVED LIVES and KILLED AT LEAST FIVE TERRORISTS BEFORE SURVIVING A PLANE CRASH AND EXPLOISION and a building falling on him.

He was my ex-partner in the secret services for fucks suck! I told you about the time that we fought the evil MUGWORT ALLIANCE RELIEF FORCE SINGLE-HANDIDLY and i killed at least ten people with my bare hands and also everyone likes my heroic stories!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

depends on how embarrassed of it I am.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT EXPEDITED EMERGENCY THREE DAY SERVICE/steal.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

I don't know what snap-on is so I would probably say zero dollars also I buy everything in cash!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

NO!

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

I don't like cigarettes I like joints and I'd only need one to start feeling good then I would come back and trip out on LIFE and also you probably wouldn't mind cause you'd be cool like that.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes!

12. have you read them?

A decent percentage of them!

13. did you really go to college?

YES!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

If you knew what the hell I was talking about!

15. do you talk in cliches?

Probably i think everybody talks in cliches and that's why I try not to talk at all.

[Jaeger S Meistersen]

Eat my answers and vomit your joy upon me...

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? Why does this matter? You're in like Cleveland, 8 hours away...are you going to stop me? Hold an intervention? Oh...wait...this is one of those chicky questions about if we were dating, isn't it? This is a whole test of those chicky questions about if we were dating...fuck me...

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? I...wait, what? Have I recently been bludgeoned about the head? Lobotomized? Fuck that. I'm much more prone to talk about California as being a stain...or say something vile, like how California is the Anal Bleaching of contiguous states...i'm sure it really does something for a certain class of vile cretin, but I personally don't see the point.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? Again with the bludgeoning...the kind of retard it would take to cheat and lie about it...well, okay, i've probably been that retard. But the kind it would take to cheat on YOU? I value my veins too much for that.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? Because apparently we're still in the Upside-Down World of Make Believe. First off, this would require me to have sex...so you see why this is too absurd for me to continue.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? Nobody would believe me capable of that level of compassion.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? Porn...and let me qualify this by saying ESPECIALLY bad porn...is like chinese food. It's meant to be shared.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? Hook your tits up to a vaccuum cleaner like any sensible fucking person.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? Does snap-on make a drill press out of 151 proof hookers and crack or something? What nimrod, with a joint bank account, lies about money to his WIFE? No lobotomy is that thorough.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? If you have a plan, I'm all ears. If you don't have a plan, I'm pretty sure I can...oh, wait, these are all on the faulty premise that i'm stoned or retarded or something. Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure the rent will pay itself.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? A fucking truckload. I'm not even joking about this shit.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? I was a business major...all my old textbooks are essentially about this subject. The important thing is that books on management strategies and accounting principles are about getting rich quick by legitimate means, not cockamamie pyramid scams.

12. have you read them? Yes.

13. did you really go to college? If not, that was a shit-long horrible nightmare.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? I never, ever, EVER expect anybody to know what the fuck i'm talking about. That said, no...because my family is awesome and slightly bonkers. You'd love them.

15. do you talk in cliches? No, I just say 'fuck' a lot.

[MattJack]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I will tell you for sure. Mainly because I never ask, just tell.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I don't mingle with "yo frands."

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I forgot to record our fav episode of The Dukes of Hazzard

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if I were trying to get to that booty.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
You'll never find my pron, never :hiddenfolders

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Pawn your wedding dress that was also your mother's and grand mother's.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
You like to ask a lot, huh?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'll take care of it, but just don't bi*ch when I rip a fat bong loa*.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Cigarettes? Outside the hospital? Just tell me when it's out so I know when I'll have to leave the bar. You know my #.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
No.

12. have you read them?
NO.

13. did you really go to college?
YES

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
With my family you should generally never speak until spoken to and avoid all eye contact as much as possible. Same rules apply for "love making."

15. do you talk in cliches?
Example?

[AChimp]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Yes, because it would be really stupid to lie about that. You'd notice right away if paycheques started coming from a different company because I give them to you when I come home.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, because I haven't seen Californian boobs and I want to know what they look like.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It depends on if it really is my boss pretending to be a girl or not.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I tore you in half with my huge weiner or I have a headache.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, that's pretty gay. Unless your best friend is really hot and I want a threesome. :O

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. Sharing porn is HOT.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Why would we ever be in a situation where we're so broke that we can't buy food? That's just irresponsible. Hypothetically, though, if we were really that broke I'd probably have to go get another job or something.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Tell the truth. Like some people already mentioned, financial issues need to be discussed openly and honestly.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
See Question 7.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, but I don't own any get rich quick books.

12. have you read them?
Lots of times. I need new books.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Yes, because my dad was a teacher and thinks that everyone wants to hear an impromptu lesson about whatever he remembers at the time. Don't get him started, woman!

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if they are relevant.

[doopa]

Originally Posted by glowbelly

just kidding.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
If I want to be a man that's my business

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I would just show them what they look like

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It's my mother

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Wrong hole

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say it was a helpless blind baby old woman with asthma

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
if you call keeping it up my butt "hiding" then I'd say you're over emotional

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
breast pump

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I wouldn't say either. I'd just ask you back what the hell a snap on account is

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'd say it's all you baby

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
It would depend on how drunk I was

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
why yes I do

12. have you read them?
and yes I have. and yes I can. and you can do it too!

13. did you really go to college?
Does anyone REALLY go to college?

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I have to say yes to this one

15. do you talk in cliches?
I valk in cliches to zound french no?

why is the edit on this thing weird

[Fathom Zero]

I'll try this.

Originally Posted by glowbelly

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
That really isn't something I could try to do, much less actually pull off. I'd think I'd let you know if I had misgivings about my current job and was looking for another one.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes I would. If we were in a boob-talking-about conversation and you're cool with that.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I'd tell you exactly who it is, unless I'd happen to be cheating on you. Actually, I'd probably be embarassed about having another girl call me and even if it was something insignificant, I'd make myself look very incriminating.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I felt that fucked up at something or I thought about something weird.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No. That's dumb.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Hiding it is half the fun, no?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Easy. Sell plasma. I'm not joking.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd lie through my teeth and work like hell to right it. If I'm unable to, I'll own up to it.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'll let you handle it if I can't. The last thing I want is for you to be pissed more than you already are.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I'd go through every pack I happened to have and bum off of other people.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Assloads.

12. have you read them?
Yeah. Books as decorations are really gay and so are the people that have them.

13. did you really go to college?
Nope. Not yet.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
If we had a very long conversation about "anything" right before we got into the room, then yes. Otherwise, I couldn't.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Of course, baby.

[McClain]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Certainly.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Do you befriend femenists? If so, no. If not, yes.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I didn't think it was normal to cry.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No. But that's only because I hate dogs.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Yes.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Borrow $10 from a friend.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd give an approximate number.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Take care of it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes.

12. have you read them?
Yes.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Show me the money!

[Grislygus]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Define "jobs".

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Real or fake?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It actually was my boss pretending to be a girl.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I had sex with my boss earlier.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I'd tell her I raced to New York City after 911 and rescued firefighters from the rubble.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Hahahaha.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Call all of the lazy motherfuckers I've lent money to.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I would never, ever do something like that unless I could somehow profit from it.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Rent? Rent? Cute.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I promise that I would switch to chew instead and never leave your side, even while spitting.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I'm already rich. Filthy, stinking, immorally rich. And yes, by the way.

12. have you read them?
Read them? I will have you know that I am practically a scholar on Calvin and Hobbes.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Any direct orders I give you will be clear, precise, and typed in advance.

15. do you talk in cliches?
I am an original, unique, almost godlike figure that does not bore himself with repetitive drivel. You aren't allowed to bore him with repetitive drivel, either.

[liquidstatik]

i'm just gonna go ahead and say NO to all of 'em!

[glowbelly]

RESULTS: you're lazy. you fail.

[MarioRPG]

Are you really expecting answers? #4 will lead to some horrifying responses.

[glowbelly]

RESULTS: you're supposed to answer the questions, not ask more. you fail.

[MarioRPG]

1. Not unless I'm sure you'd find out if I didn't.

2. Well, do we live in California? That'd be pretty redundant. Other than that, yes.

3. Actually, I'd say it was the neighbour asking for a cup of sugar.

4. I didn't notice the kid was watching until it was too late.

5. Not really, I'm a cat person.

6. Only the gay porn.

7. Fucking man up and make due without.

8. Lie, because I have no shame and am a dirtbag with no prospects.

9. It doesn't matter what I say, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. Technically, I can't even say that or it'll just tumble into more and more trouble.

10. None, I'd be sleeping by the vending machine like my father before me. Incidentally, he went to a party shortly after, but I digress.

11. Amazingly, yes.

12. Some. (2)

13. Only if you count communications as an actual course.

14. HELL YES. When I say cryptic messages it's like "BAM! Shoe is on the other foot now!" See how it feels?

15. Only to make myself feel like a million bucks.