Update:
Well I'm back boys and girls, and it wasn't so bad.
I arrived at the hospital with my Mom early in the morning and I am taken to one day surgery, and was put in a little room divided up into more little rooms, each partitioned by a curtain. Behind the curtain, there was a chair, a TV, and a closet. I was told to disrobe totally, including my underwear, and put on a hospital gown and robe, which I did, grateful for the fact that I shaved my legs. They also gave me special socks. The nurses set an IV up, and praised me for having such large, accessable veins. The surgeon came up, and I asked him about the possibility of keeping my gall bladder in a jar. He said it would be possible, but that I'd have to pick it up later. Yay! I then asked if they were going to tape the laproscopy and he said no, but he would see about getting some pictures for me. He then had me pull up my robe so he could mark where they needed to cut me, and I did, grateful that I had trimmed my wild bush down to a reasonably neat hedge. Yes, I know he's a doctor and doesn't care, but if someone's going to see it it should look presentable.
I then spoke the anesthesiologist, who I mentioned getting the gall bladder to keep to, and he said that wouldn't be possible as it was biohazardus material and he wasn't sure why the surgeon would say it was possible to keep it. Damn.
I asked him anxiously if there was any possibility of me babbling under the anesthesia, as that was really my worst fear, and he assured me that it doesn't happen anymore, and even if it did, I would be entubulated during the procedure anyway. That was relieving, as I don't want everyone in the O.R. to hear my issues. They also mentioned the possibility of *wince* cathaterizing me during the operation if my bladder was full, at which point I told them that I was going to pee right we went in. I'd rather not have that done, thank you very much.
The checked my vitals, asked me a lot of questions, like if it was possible I was pregnant (no, not remotely possible, but they said they'd test my blood to be sure), if I had this, had that, had this, had that, if I drank, if I smoked, if I had piercings in a place they couldn't see (yes, that's how they phrased it), etc, etc.
So as they went away to get things ready, I slept in the chair, and I started to dream, as it was still very early in the morning. I dreamed that the nurse came in and had catheter equipment, and was going to use it on me, and then I woke up. There was the nurse, telling me it was time and giving me a blue surgical bonnet to cover my hair with. I excused myself, entered the bathroom, and as I peed and tucked my hair away, a variant of Irving Berlin's song "In my Easter Bonnet" came to mind:
In my surgical bonnet/with all the frills upon it/I'll be the grandest lady/in the O.R. parade!
I hummed this to myself as I attended to errant hairs and tried to reassure myself of the safety of this procedure.
Then they put me on a gurney, and lead me to the operating room. They had me sit on what looked like another gurney, and they anesthesiolgist started a drip.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Joy juice." he replied with a bemused smile.
A documentary about people whose anesthesia didn't work and who had felt everything during surgery flashed through my mind. I attempted to reassure myself that was about one case in half a million.
As I lay there, wondering when it was going to take effect, I overheard someone say, "She doesn't have a phone." I thought they were talking about me, and I said, "No, I left it in the room." All I got was more bemused smiles. Later someone said the phrase again, and I repeated, "No, I left in the room." Bemused smiles, and then....OBLIVION.
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I slowly drifted back the conciousness in a recovery room. There I lay on the bed, covered up with warm blankets. I remember that I had been dreaming before I woke up, but I don't know what I was dreaming about. The room was fuzzy. I could make out a clock, but it was too blurry to tell the time. My lower lip was and still is slightly numb, and my throat was (and still is) a little sore from the entubulation, and I coughed a little.
*cough* Ow. *cough* Ow.
My side hurt. I burped several times. The doctor told me to brace my abdomen when I felt like coughing and to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth to avoid swallowing air, which I did. Then I was taken back to to the room where I had begun my journey, and I was told to sit down and relax. It my right side hurt to get off the gourney and into the chair. I was given saltines, pretzels, and apple juice, which I consumed as I was suprisingly hungry. The nurse gave me an anti-nauseant afterwards, as it started to disagree with me. The anesthesia slowly started to wear off and the world came back into focus. I continued to burp as I did, and I overheard a woman reading a rather interesting sounding article to a man about organic argiculture. I apologized to them for burping so much when they left. I examined my belly. There was, and currently still is, a piece of gauze stuffed into my belly button with tape over it, and three gauze dressings on my right side.They told me not to take them off, but that it was okay to bathe as long as it was a shower and not a tub soak. They are not to be removed until my follow-up appointment one week from today, and they reassured me that its normal if some blood leaks into the gauze, which was good to know, because my bellybutton gauze is rather bloody. I got dressed, which I managed to by trying to avoid bending as much as possible, because that hurt. They brought me out in a wheelchair, I got into the car unassisted, though not without wincing, and went home, where I ate soup, crackers, and jello, as I was still hungry. I took a nap, vomit basin nearby just in case, and I'm feeling a lot better now. I burped all the way home as well, and I had been reassured that was normal as the carbon dioxide absorbs into my stomach or something. My back is a little stiff and they told me I could have some shoulder pain due to the carbon dioxide migrating up there, but nothing yet. I have some nice Percosets in case I need them.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I have reached the climax of my epic adventures.
Linear Mode
