Originally Posted by Dixie
Time for straight up bitch truth, half the time when we say things like "You're like a brother to me" it means "Not if you were the last guy on earth".
Yeah that's true. Women say a bunch of nice things that just translate into "you're unfuckable."
You're like a brother to me.
I don't want to complicate our friendship.
I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship.
I just got out of a relationship.
I only have sex with guys I'm in a serious relationship with.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to get hurt.
You dated one of my friends.
I just have a really busy schedule right now. Between school, work, and taking care of my church obligations it wouldn't work.
I'm on my period.
I have diarrhea.
I have a track infection.
The anti-depressants I'm on makes me give a shit about sex.
"Just the tip" doesn't work for me. I told you I gave up sex for lent.
I just woke up.
I'm too drunk.
I have to be somewhere in the morning.
I don't like the way those condoms feel.
I don't have sex without condoms.
I have a feeling you don't know anything about Ass-To-Mouth.
I had a bad experience recently.
How could we in this car? It's only a coup.
I came here to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, pervert.
No hablo ingles.
My little sister is staying the night.
My friend is staying the night.
I'm staying the night with my little sister and her friend.
I had sex with your brother and that would just be weird for me.
I'm not into white guys.
I'm not into guys.
My mother doesn't like you.
My father doesn't like you.
I promised God I'd wait til I'm married.
I have to watch out for my friend at this party.
I'm not over my ex.
I'm kind of already talking to somebody right now.
You've been my neighbor my whole life.
You live too far across town. We'd never see each other.
I want a guy who knows what he wants and has a career.
I'm not ready for somebody who already has his life planned out.
You're really funny and you make me laugh all the time, and you're a really good guy. You even know who my favorite band is, what my favorite flavor of ice cream is, why I like using Dove soap the best, and what Harry Potter book I liked the most. You even remembered my birthday and gave me that sweet card that had a super cute inside joke that only two people on the planet would know, and it made me giggle. It made me giggle like the times you would make those silly faces in the lunch cafeteria when ANDRIA would walk past us. Oh remember her?! Man she was so slutty! I couldn't believe she thought her hair looked cute Junior year! Hahaha I know right! Anyways, as a matter of fact you are the sweetest guy I've ever met. You're my best friend and I LUV U SSOOOOOOO MUCH. You're just like a brother to me though. Hold on. Can I call you back? Bobby is texting me. He's asking me to pick him up from the bar because he got too drunk again, but this time he can't drive home due to that wreck he had that made him lose his job. We have to eat at his mother's tomorrow morning. I'll call you Monday! Promise!
Lord Sappington I know you've heard at least half of these, hell, lord knows I have. Probably most dudes on this message board too. However, don't let them deter you for what you came to get.
God invented perseverance, being an asshole, and Cosmopolitans for a reason, son.
Now go take what's yours and get to curlin' them toes.