with a girl who IM'ed me and who won't tell me who she is.
This is our entire first conversation.
ph0que ewe: SEX!
dscoM0nkie: I LIKE YOU
ph0que ewe: I like thirteen year olds
ph0que ewe: SO about last night
dscoM0nkie: omg! risque. I like them too. they are friendly and usually enthusiastic memebrs of our society
ph0que ewe: And they can get it up easier.
dscoM0nkie: Can i have your phone number?
ph0que ewe: 180-****
dscoM0nkie: area code pls you stoopid woman man.
ph0que ewe: 613
dscoM0nkie: you better answer
dscoM0nkie: its busy.
ph0que ewe: mm. maybe my dad's on the phone
dscoM0nkie: so hows it goin ms./mr/friendly and interesting internet persona who i like now?
ph0que ewe: It goes good.
dscoM0nkie: YOU INSECTUOS WHORE OF BABALON!!! I AM ON TO YOUR FILTHY SCEMES!
ph0que ewe: BASTARD! YOU KNOW NOT THAT WHICH YOU SPEAK OF!
dscoM0nkie: I ATE GOD.
dscoM0nkie: SO NOW I AM GOD.
ph0que ewe: I HATE GOD
ph0que ewe: SO NOW I AM SMITED
dscoM0nkie: OBEY MY MASSSIVE 12 INCH COATHANGER HANDLE THING THAT I PUT IN MY CLOSET TO HOLD THE CLOTHES WHICH GOD WEARS
ph0que ewe: GOD DOES NOT WHERE CLOTHES, FILTHY FOOL! WHY WHERE CLOTHES WHEN HE CAN RUN AROUND NAKED AND WHACK OFF AS HE PLEASES?
dscoM0nkie: BECAUSE I GET ENJOYMENT FROM SUPRISING HOUSE WIVES AT K-MART BY STIPPING AND WAVING MY TONGUE THEN MAKING THEM SEE JESUS INSTEAD OF MY SHLONG
ph0que ewe: AHA! YOU ARE WISE BEYOND YOUR YEARS, OH ALMIGHTY CREATOR. I PRAISE THEE, NOW GIVE ME ANOTHER CUP SIZE.
dscoM0nkie: I WOULD IF I REMEMEBRED HOW TO USE MY GOD POWERS. I CAN ONLY DO WHAT I JUST TALKED ABOUT BEFORE. : (
dscoM0nkie: BUT STILL. : )
ph0que ewe: A WASTE OF ALMIGHTY FORCE! ..ALAS, MAY I SEE JESUS?
dscoM0nkie: YAY VERILY
ph0que ewe: VERILY WE SHALL!
ph0que ewe: CAN I STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS OR SHALL I BE SMITED?
dscoM0nkie: YOU MAY CEASE. BUT WOE BE UNTO THE LORD MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN AND THE LORD IS TOO LAZY TO USE SHIFT. : (
ph0que ewe: VICTORY FOR ALL and for all a good fuck
dscoM0nkie: so how did you partake upon my glorious sn? WOOPS I FORGOT CAPS. LOL. SILLY ME. =-O
ph0que ewe: FOOLISH GOD!
ph0que ewe: I KNOW ALL!
ph0que ewe: IT COMES FROM BEING DROPPED ON MY HEAD AS A SMALL INFANT
dscoM0nkie: blashpemy! i will have you smitted by my jesus shaped phalic appendage!
ph0que ewe: OH NO! god have mercy on us allllllll particularly the one present
dscoM0nkie: So when you were dropped on your head... and you knew my sn... WHERE WAS MY MOM? HUH? WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME AT BIRTH? DID SHE GET INTO SOFT CORE PORN? DID SHE GET INTO HARD CROE PORN? IF SO WILL SHE GO DOWN ON ME? IF SO WHAT COUNTRIES WOULD PERMIT THAT? HUH? HUH? INQUIRING MINDS WISH TO KNOW!
ph0que ewe: YES TO ALL THE ABOVE AND UZBEKISTAN!
ph0que ewe: UZBEKISTAN WILL ANSWER ALL YOUR PRAYERS
dscoM0nkie: =-O
ph0que ewe: I also invented Jesus
dscoM0nkie:
ph0que ewe: You have no mouth
dscoM0nkie: :'( i cry in the ocean...no one sees my tears...
ph0que ewe: Daddy touches you because you cry
dscoM0nkie: I LOVE YOU WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND BURNING SONS THAT ALL LIKE UNDERAGE EUROPEAN SNUFF. THATS A LOT OF LOVE DAMNIT.
ph0que ewe: I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS GEORGE BUSH LOVES VIAGRA AND A CATHOLIC PREIST LIKES LITTLE CHOIR BOYS.
dscoM0nkie: OMG WANNA GET HITCHED?
ph0que ewe: OKAY!
dscoM0nkie: OKAY!
ph0que ewe: TO VEGAS!
ph0que ewe: ALAS! EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND MY LEIGE
dscoM0nkie: sadness becomes me. : (
ph0que ewe: I RETURN!
ph0que ewe: may joy and meaning return to your life once more
dscoM0nkie: *EMBRACE*
ph0que ewe: Let us frolic amid a feild of daisies and exploding gas stations!
dscoM0nkie: AND THEN WE CAN MAKE THOSE LITTLE MUSIC THINGS WHERE YOU PUT BEANS IN A BIG WOODEN STICK AND SHAKE IT AND WE WILL BE MUCH PLEASED BY THE MELODIES OF OUR LABOR!
ph0que ewe: YES!
ph0que ewe: And we shall have wild sex and call it fornication
dscoM0nkie: :0
dscoM0nkie: MY LOINS ACHE IN ANTICIPATION
ph0que ewe: Oh my aching crotch
dscoM0nkie: so. can i pleeeaaaaase know where u got my sn from? I'll love you forever and eternally for MORE than just your insanely hot body!
ph0que ewe: It was heavensent.
dscoM0nkie: : ( will you always tease my aching heart my love?
ph0que ewe: ...yes.
dscoM0nkie: ew aching heart. that reminds me of bad countrysongs nm fuck that. ew
ph0que ewe: MY ACHY BREAKY HEART
dscoM0nkie: CURSE YOU LOVE FROM HELL WHY MUST I STILL BEAR SUCH AFFETION FOR A CREATURE THAT TAUNTS ME SO?
ph0que ewe: I
ph0que ewe: HATE
ph0que ewe: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!
ph0que ewe: WHY DO I LOVE YOU?
dscoM0nkie: :0
dscoM0nkie: YOU MADE THE BABY CRY!
ph0que ewe: NOO!
ph0que ewe: Ohwell.
dscoM0nkie: I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE!
ph0que ewe: I always thought it should be drowned at birth
dscoM0nkie: *GASPYGASPGASP*
dscoM0nkie: HOW...DARE...YOU...
dscoM0nkie: IT WAS MY IDEA TO DROWN THE LITTLE RUNT.
ph0que ewe: ... clubbing it over the head, then
dscoM0nkie: Why won't you love me? : (
ph0que ewe: I will. Physically -)
dscoM0nkie: Wait? what? how can you love physically? that makes no sense. Thats like the tooth fairy and shit. lol im not falling for THAT again.
ph0que ewe: Do not question my logic.
ph0que ewe: One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead men stood up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot the other.
dscoM0nkie: WERE THEY MINORITIES?
ph0que ewe: Yes.
ph0que ewe: Because IIII wanna be the minority.
dscoM0nkie: If it doesn't turn out that you actually marry me in the non internet world I'm going to be SEVERELY dissapointed
ph0que ewe: lirl
dscoM0nkie: AND MY WRATH WILL BE SWIFT AND FULL OF JESUS SHAPED GENITALIA
ph0que ewe: NO WOMAN CAN MATCH MY AMAZING STANDARDS
ph0que ewe: LIRL
dscoM0nkie: MY CURRENT GUESS IS THAT I KNOW YOU AND YOU GOT A NEW SN...
dscoM0nkie: IS MY GUESS CORRECT? DO NOT DEFY THE LORD!
ph0que ewe: Nope
dscoM0nkie: btw what does LIRL mean?
ph0que ewe: We've never talked before
ph0que ewe: It means loudly I rape llamas
dscoM0nkie: I fucking love you. I am so not joking.
ph0que ewe: XD
dscoM0nkie: no. no more joking. i will find you. you will wake up with a cold sweat in the middle of the night and see me standing there covered in blood and various bodily secretions chantin, "i like pie, i like pie"
ph0que ewe: Pie. Piepiepiepie.
dscoM0nkie: you will thusly have no choice but to run away with me to southern africa were we'll open up a casino and make our fortune
ph0que ewe: YES! With our magical strippers and dancing emus
dscoM0nkie: OR you can not tell me anything and I'll be sad and I'll go to bed and cry myself to sleep and I'll im you again and you'll block me. : (
dscoM0nkie: ITS YOUR CHOICE MISSY.
dscoM0nkie: DANCING EMUS, PIE, AND CASINOS, OR CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP?
ph0que ewe: lirlll
ph0que ewe: Well
ph0que ewe: I don't really know anything about you, either
ph0que ewe: and I probably wont block you. You're actually coherent
dscoM0nkie: Fascinating. :0
dscoM0nkie: did you find me on that buddypic thing? I'm naturally curious. curious like A BEAR.
ph0que ewe: Are bears really curious?
dscoM0nkie: WELL ALL I KNOW IS WHEN WINTER COMES I SLEEP FOR 6 MONTHS, IN SPRING MY HORMONES ARE FLOWING LIKE NEVER BEFORE AND IN SUMMER AND FALL, LIKE IN SPRING I CATCH BASS WITH MY CLAWS. AND I MUST KNOW WHERE YOU FOUND MY SN.
dscoM0nkie: THATS THE EXTENT OF MY KNOWLEDGE ON THE SUBJECT
ph0que ewe: I see.
ph0que ewe: Wise are you.
dscoM0nkie: AND YOU WILL BE SATISIFIED MY FIANCE.
ph0que ewe: GAHA!
dscoM0nkie: : ( ?
ph0que ewe: We should go to livewed.com
dscoM0nkie: lol.
dscoM0nkie: it plays music from old snes video games when you go there
ph0que ewe: Does it? XD Score
dscoM0nkie: oh wait thats classic music. I'm a dumbie from hell. : (
ph0que ewe: ... lirllll
dscoM0nkie: but its a midi and they all sound alike so who cares
ph0que ewe: I enjoy the mario theme.
ph0que ewe: And humming that... circus song...
ph0que ewe: at obscure times
dscoM0nkie: I LOVE YOU.
dscoM0nkie: NONO. DON'T SPEAK. WE DONT NEED WORDS NOW.
dscoM0nkie: LOL JK
ph0que ewe: 'KAY.
dscoM0nkie: GO AHEAD
ph0que ewe: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A GOAT HEAD?
dscoM0nkie: GOD I WISH.
ph0que ewe: Lirl
ph0que ewe: OLIVE JUICE
ph0que ewe: IT WORKS A LOT BETTER IRL!
dscoM0nkie: OLIVE JUICE IS THE TOOL OF THE WHITE DEVIL!!! =-O
dscoM0nkie: AND I DRINK IT STRAIGHT FROM THE JUG.
ph0que ewe: AND I SUPPOSE THE BLACK DEVIL USES ELEPHANT SHOES?
dscoM0nkie: THE BLACK DEVIL USES KFC. ( I AM A VERY VERY BAD PERSON FOR SAYING THAT AND NO ONE SHOULD FORGIVE ME : ( )
ph0que ewe: THAT IS ALRIGHT!
ph0que ewe: FOR I USE THE TERM "STFU NEGRO" AT WHIM
dscoM0nkie: I
dscoM0nkie: LOVE
dscoM0nkie: YOU
ph0que ewe: GAHA!
ph0que ewe: MANY HAVE FALLEN FOR MY CHARMS and over a cliff
dscoM0nkie: EVEN IF YOU ARE A GUY. I WILL TRAIN MY EYES TO PERCIEVE YOU AS AN UGLY WOMAN. EVEN IF YOU ARE AN UGLY WOMAN I WILL BE HYPNOTIZED BY YOUR "CHARMS"
ph0que ewe: It would be amusing
ph0que ewe: if I was a 96 year old pedophile
dscoM0nkie: OMG I'D LET YOU DO SO MUCH SICK SHIT TO ME. I'D JUST ASK POLITELY THAT YOU NOT KILL ME. : (
ph0que ewe: BUT THE KILLING IS HOW I GET MY JOLLIES
ph0que ewe: without viagra
dscoM0nkie: BUT IF YOU KILL ME THEN HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BUILD A ROCKET SHIP TO SATURN AND KILL ALL THE INDIGENOUS AND KINDLY FOLK WHO LIVE THERE?
ph0que ewe: NECROPHILIA, MY DEAR WATSON
dscoM0nkie: YOU ARE A MASTER OF WIT AND THE ARTS OF COMEDY MY FEARSOME OPPONENT. :-X
ph0que ewe: I'M HERE ALL WEEK.
dscoM0nkie: I'M HERE TILL SUNDAY BECAUSE I'M ON DEATH ROW. : (
ph0que ewe: a death row pardon two minutes to late?
ph0que ewe: Deary me
dscoM0nkie: whats lirl stand for again?
ph0que ewe: Loudly I rape llamas =)
dscoM0nkie: : )
ph0que ewe: (: they like it I swear
dscoM0nkie: I wouldn't doubt it for a moment
ph0que ewe: =)
dscoM0nkie: Your friend has Im;ed me. does she partake in this raping of llamas as well?
ph0que ewe: Yes.
ph0que ewe: We're all into beastiality here
dscoM0nkie: hip hip HOORAY!
ph0que ewe: THREE CHEERS for anal sex
dscoM0nkie: BAAAAAAAD MEMORIES...
ph0que ewe: BAAAAAAAAAD ANALPROBBING MEMORIES
dscoM0nkie: I ONCE KILLED A PET EXPERIMENTING WITH THAT NOW "FORBIDEN ART...
ph0que ewe: the forbidden love of assraping. Oh how I love it so
dscoM0nkie: poor fluffems. : (.
ph0que ewe: Poooor snickerbottom
dscoM0nkie: : (
ph0que ewe: You're RUBBISH in bed
dscoM0nkie: I AM THE MASTER OF BED! I HAVE THIS POSITION WHERE I LIE DOWN ON MY SHOULDER AND I PUT MY HAND UNDER MY SECOND PILLOW AND ITS REALLY COMFY.
DON'T MESS WITH THE BEST WOMAN.
ph0que ewe: MAKING THE BEST twice as good
ph0que ewe: I must go.
ph0que ewe: IT HAS BEEN FUN.
ph0que ewe: PERHAPS WE WILL MEET AGAIN
dscoM0nkie: NOOO
ph0que ewe: IN GAlAXY FAAAAR FAR WAY
dscoM0nkie: YES WE WILL!
ph0que ewe: .. AWAY*
dscoM0nkie: NOOOO
ph0que ewe: BYEEEEEE
dscoM0nkie: I AM GOING TO CRY. : (
dscoM0nkie: BYE...
ph0que ewe: EEEEEEEE
ph0que ewe: ..
ph0que ewe: you interrupted my typing
ph0que ewe: you BASTARD
dscoM0nkie: LOL. : (
ph0que ewe signed off at 12:52:03 AM.
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