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Kulturkampf Kulturkampf is offline
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 02:20 AM        Day The Satanic Glory Faded (An STD)
NOTE: This is a fictional story that could happen to you if you misbehave consistently.

One day you were laughing and laying on your back, and your smile was drunk and your underwear were a little wet because you didn't whipe it off -- you had sex without a condom because it was a good night, and good nights don't end because you forgot a condom. Good nights end in kicking off your boots and laying down in a bed, and waking up with a special scent and feeling that you were alive last night. They don't end with frustrated looking around, awkward silences, and fumbling hands. And if you are buying, they certainly, most certainly do not, end in fumbling hands. You risk it.

Two weeks later your underwear are a little more wet, and there is a yellowish discharge seeping from your goods. When the goods bump your thigh or your pants a sharp pain fills you and you grimace. You have to go ride a crowded subway or run with your military unit, so you stand at close quarters wondering if the people next to you can smell something sick & rotting or when you run you feel it drops shake off of it and you have to stop because it hurts so bad, so you fake that you can't run anymore and that you are going to vomit.

In reality, you just learned a lesson the hard way, and now your underpants are toxic waste and you wonder if you could ever be healed. Next weekend you aren't in the mood to dance -- you are in the mood to stand in frontt of the John holding onto the toilet paper holder and a towel rack, looking down at a sickly sausage and grittng your teeth.

"Gghhhhhh!!! ggaaahhhhh!!!!" and with a great pain a passage is opened a continuous drip continue to flow. "Awwwwwggggkkhhh cuuunnnnnnntt--chhhhhh-fuck!" and you spend the next four minutes squeezing out a urinous sludge of some kind of cake mixture, veins popping out of your neck and forehead. You remember the words of Jesus Christ as He died on the cross:

'Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?' which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'" (Mk 15:34; cf. Mt 27:46).

But unfortunately this was not the result of persecution born from resisting sin and refusing to cause a blasphemy. It is caused by a satanic glory. But all religon aside:

You still have to go out -- you can't waste a weekend -- you spend a nigt pounding beers fearing the bathroom, until a bladder cannot hold anymore liquids. Unfortunately, there is a long line and you begin standing at a urinal with five other men, grabbing a sick worm and biting your lower lip with an insane glare in your eyes, the glint of murder. You can tell people look over at you funny as you redden and spend 25 minutes and about 20 rotations of men standing at the middle urinal, a terrible drippity drop haunting your ears as you hear a clean stream of the yellow gold from other urinals.

You vow to get better one day, and sure enough you will says a doctor, and soon painful urination goes away after you are shot full of pennicilin and given bizarre drugs whose names you do not know. You vow to never be such a fool again.

You go to your calender each year, now, and go to the date marked: JANUARY 22ND

and you write:

"THIS WAS THE DAY THAT THE SATANIC GLORY FADED, AND I PAID IN PAINFUL URINATION FOR APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS. FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, WHENEVER I HEAR THE SOUND OF A DRIPPING FAUCET, I WILL MAKE SURE THERE IS THREE CONDOMS IN MY WALLET.

"ONE FOR A FRIDAY, ONE FOR A SATURDAY, AND ONE IN CASE OF GOOD LUCK OR A SECOND RUT."

You have learned a lesson, and your satanic glory continues -- protected by the Democratic People's Republic of the Congo and their rubber trees that make a miracle wrap called 'Latex.'
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Chojin Chojin is offline
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 06:05 AM       
Uh huh.
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Cosmo Electrolux Cosmo Electrolux is offline
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 08:17 AM       
Jesus, he's oozed out of the philosophy forum into the love forum....just like OAO did.

Next, he'll start posting "I"m outrageous" threads and sucking cock....
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 09:14 AM       
That's 9 threads in 2 days. Here, have a cookie or some goddamned thing.
Quote:
You still have to go out
Please do this.
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 11:08 AM       
Reading all of that made my butt itch.
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 12:06 PM       
you quoted jesus in a story that is a thinly veiled attempt at hiding the fact that you got an std
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Emu Emu is offline
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 12:21 PM       
oh lordy lordy i'll never roam again
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Jeff The Ninja Jeff The Ninja is offline
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Old Feb 8th, 2006, 11:28 PM       
Heres a New slogan for Kulturkampf, And it should accompany the graphic on his sig.


STD, Not For Me.

Hey, its pretty catchy.
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Kulturkampf Kulturkampf is offline
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Old Feb 9th, 2006, 01:56 AM       
I do say: I do go out. I go out only on the weekends, though, absolutely exclusively on weeknds or holidays.

There is no reason to spend $10-$20 a night on some rubbish when you can spend $100-200 on two nights of glory. I live as a monk for 5 days a week, and as a King for two.

And I always drink a 40 Oz on the subway ride to Seoul.
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Old Feb 10th, 2006, 12:59 AM       
A hundred bucks is way cheaper than any non grizzled-and-krilled street whore, but still, man, it shouldn't be that hard to get laid if you aren't fat or stupid. Don't act so intense all the time and watch sweet cups o poozle present themselves like spring tulips. Or are you talking about spending money on overpriced booze and fine cigars?
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Tara Tara is offline
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Old Feb 10th, 2006, 07:55 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kulturkampf
There is no reason to spend $10-$20 a night on some rubbish when you can spend $100-200 on two nights of glory. I live as a monk for 5 days a week, and as a King for two.
That still sounds like some pretty cheap trim. Are you using the two for one coupons by any chance?
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Old Feb 11th, 2006, 09:27 AM       
seriously (uh oh me and tara are agreeing). the first night i met my hubby he dropped about $200 on me. it was his mistake, though. he asked me to be his tour guide and when i didn't say 'yes' right away he proceeded to say 'drinks are on me.'

poor guy didn't know what hit him.
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executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Feb 12th, 2006, 06:45 PM       
Quote:
it shouldn't be that hard to get laid if you aren't fat or stupid.
who said he isn't either of those
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Kulturkampf Kulturkampf is offline
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Old Feb 14th, 2006, 03:53 AM       
I am not fat, but I am incredibly stupid.

I do and collect phone numbers of women, and call them, and I have not had sex in a while because I dated a girl from at home and thus was not having sex out here, and I am thinking I want to not have a one night stand so much as I want to have a girlfriend for reasons identical to a dripping cock.

But I had sex three weeks ago, when I broke up with my girlfriend roughly, and ... it was unrpotected. I am wondering if it will drip.
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Old Feb 15th, 2006, 12:36 AM       
Dear, the Koreans and Japanese both run on the assumption that:
1) All foreigners have STDs
2) It's the man's duty to do EVERYTHING when it comes to protection
3) "Good girls" dont have STDs (so they wont tell you if you ask).
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Old Feb 21st, 2006, 01:15 AM       
NOW FORWARD THIS TO 15 PEOPLE OR YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR TRUE LOVE WITH TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF
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Old Feb 21st, 2006, 01:47 AM       
Hey did anyone see the episode of drawn togeather with the little boy whos palms got hairy and he went blind because He masturbated too much.
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Old Mar 18th, 2006, 07:48 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kulturkampf
I am not fat, but I am incredibly stupid.

I do and collect phone numbers of women, and call them, and I have not had sex in a while because I dated a girl from at home and thus was not having sex out here, and I am thinking I want to not have a one night stand so much as I want to have a girlfriend for reasons identical to a dripping cock.

But I had sex three weeks ago, when I broke up with my girlfriend roughly, and ... it was unrpotected. I am wondering if it will drip.
*sigh*

yes, she purposefully got gonorrhea just for you.
you telling me you've had a girlfriend for a decent amount of time and never built up things like TRUST and COMMUNICATION so you never found out if she had a goddamn STD?

you jackass.

yeah, you'll "drip." christ, you talk about sex like men who wear diapers talk about soiling themselves.
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WhiteRat WhiteRat is offline
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Old Mar 18th, 2006, 08:40 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kulturkampf
I am thinking I want to not have a one night stand so much as I want to have a girlfriend for reasons identical to a dripping cock.
Come on! American blood on the streets of Korea!
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Old Mar 20th, 2006, 02:43 PM       
Wouldn't it suck if you were infected with HIV also. Might want to go and get tested.
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Jeanette X Jeanette X is offline
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Old Mar 20th, 2006, 11:36 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kulturkampf
I am not fat, but I am incredibly stupid.

I do and collect phone numbers of women, and call them, and I have not had sex in a while because I dated a girl from at home and thus was not having sex out here, and I am thinking I want to not have a one night stand so much as I want to have a girlfriend for reasons identical to a dripping cock.

But I had sex three weeks ago, when I broke up with my girlfriend roughly, and ... it was unrpotected. I am wondering if it will drip.
But...but....

Wouldn't a MANLY MAN BARBARIAN like you not need to do such trivial things as collect phone numbers?! Just impress the girls with your incredible MANLINESS, and they'll be hurling themselves at your feet, begging you to ravish their warm wet gripping flowers! Your Spartan strength will have them running to you in droves, eager to become your concubines!
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Terra Terra is offline
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Old Mar 21st, 2006, 10:26 AM       
Jeanette that was pretty hot. It's a shame it is a post to Kulturkampf who makes me think of a cromagnum who has a keyboard in his posession.
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