Joshua A. Norton who, on September 17th of 1859, crowned Himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Just before then, He vanished for a number of days -- perhaps into the wilderness where maybe He was tempted by the Devil, probably to organize His life and get His affairs in order.
Certainly they looked like that's what they needed. For on the day before His disappearance Norton, heretofore little more than a successful businessman, cornered the rice market -- only to be foiled by the unscheduled arrival of a whole shipload of rice from the Orient. A lesser man would have been thrown out of step by that event which for Him became a step to the throne.
When the US Congress failed to obey His Majesty's Royal Order to assemble in the San Francisco Opera House, Norton fired every last member of that rebellious organization. Thus, the people of San Francisco knew better than to incur His Imperial wrath. His Royal Decrees were printed free of charge in the newspapers, the currency He printed was accepted in the saloons, local shopkeepers paid the modest taxes He occasionally demanded and on at least one occasion a tailor furnished Him with a new set of Royal finery.
Although a madman, Norton wrote letters to Abraham Lincoln and Queen Victoria which they took seriously.
One night a gang of vigilantes gathered for a pogrom against San Francisco's Chinatown. All that stood in their way was the solitary figure of Norton. A sane man would not have been there in the first place. A rational man would have tried to reason with them. A moralist would have scolded them. A man as daft as Norton usually seemed would have loudly ordered them to cease and desist in the name of His Royal Imperial authority. All such tacks would probably have been futile, and Norton resorted to none of them.
He simply bowed His head in silent prayer.
The vigilantes dispersed.
Discordians believe everybody should live like Norton.
So write your legislative representatives demanding harsh laws with
teeth in them requiring all people of all faiths -- especially Christians and especially on Sunday -- to live as Joshua A. Norton did.
About five years ago I had a dream in which someone was yelling ``SIGNS IN THE SKY!'' When I looked up I saw balloons and blimps carrying aloft big neon letters that said: ``NORTON DIED! WANT NO DEAD!''
But when Emperor Norton died, tens of thousands of San Franciscans flocked to His full Masonic funeral. Pilgrimages to
His grave in Woodlawn Cemetery in Colma are still common.
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