And now for another exciting episode of...
BITCHFIGHTS ON I-MOCKERY.NET!!!
Hi everyone, Random Announcer Guy Who Has a Name That's Supposed to be Funny here to bring you yet another episode of
Bitchfights on I-Mockery.net! On today's episode, we have a rather interesting matchup of two incredibly boring and unfunny people that's sure to result in tears and bloodshed from both contestants. Not that anyone around
here ever cares.
Now, let's meet our pasty-faced internet gladiators! First up, we've got a guy who likes Calvin and Hobbes so much that he has to express his sexual desire for the characters through a retarded dancing avatar that he hasn't changed since before 2004! An ever frequent face in dumpsters and sewer grates everywhere, it's kellychaos!
Hey there Random Announcer Guy Who Has a Name That's Supposed to be Funny! Let me just tell you, it's an honor to finally be on this show for real, fighting someone I hate a whole lot!
That's great, kelly! Now, before we get started, we're going to have to know a little more about you, so as always our crack team of crackheads has compiled some data on you!
kellychaos
Age: 12.
Gender: Male.
Height: 4'6.
Ethnic group: American.
Forum status: That one piss-guzzling bucket of fly shit who thinks he's funny with his messed-up limericks and won't shut up, no matter how hard we try to make him.
Well, that was interesting. Oh wait, no it wasn't.
Now that we know a little bit more about kellychaos, it's time to meet our second contestant! She's an aptly named guitarist with pink hair who, until recently, was romantically involved with Pub Lover, another frequent contestant here on our show! She can usually be found in her basement either crying her eyes out because she doesn't have any friends in real life, or on the internet doing the exact same thing! Please welcome... Guitar Woman!
Hello Random Announcer Guy, thanks for having me on the show! I plan to show no mercy in my fight with kellychaos today, and hope to make him leave the forums in a fit of prepubescent rage.
That's great! That guy annoys me shitless!
You mean he annoys you without shit?
I sure as hell hope so!
OK, now before we take a look at your stats, I need to ask you a quick question - Why did you send us a wood carving instead of a real picture of yourself?
Because... uh... If people knew what I looked like, they'd come to my house with, like, a gun!
Ok, whatever floats your boat I guess. Now let's have a look at those stats!
Guitar Woman
Age: 18
Gender: Female.
Height: 5'6.
Ethnic group: German.
Forum status: The last single chick on the boards, which is why we put up with her like this.
Well folks, this sure does look like it's going to be an exciting match-up today! Now, since kellychaos was the one who requested this fight take place, our rules state that he must throw out the first insult. Kelly?
Um... well... I uh....
There once was a girl named Guitar Woman
Said to be from Sasquatch-ewan
She looks like a cow
And it's rumored that how
She udderly wow, but she weighs a ton!
Wow. That was the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Come on, everyone knows you can do better!
Well I uh
*BLAOIAWH;OHFGOAH*
OH MY LORD! KELLYCHAOS JUST BARFED ON ME!
TO BE CONTINUED
:fatbitch
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