toys that sucked

[pissed off salesman]

this is the thread where you can talk about toys that were a complete waste of money, there is no era limit either the toy can be from anywherefrom the beginning of time to now.

to start things off my most hated toy is the 12 inch Blade figurene from the puppet master series while i love the movie series and the detail on the puppet i still cant stand its very limited articualtion i mean if full moon toys wasnt such a cheap company maybe they could at least pay attention to both detail and enjoyment

[Zbu Manowar]

My vote is for Poacher from McFarlane's Total Chaos Series 2. The design is brilliant--a humanoid elephantine hunter with some kickass weapons--but the figure itself is very big, very lightweight (not a 'heavy' figure, a first for McFarlane), and very cheap figure. It doesn't come with that sweet gun the figure was holding but instead some pussy spear and skulls assortment that makes no sense.

And the figure's head has elephant features, but human ears. Maybe this thing was supposed to have some kickass poaching hat (maybe in the fashion of Gnawhedhyde of Dreadnoks' fame) but when it doesn't, it doesn't look so much like a poacher as a good idea for a deluxe figure given the short shift into some awful figure replacement. It's failure is what really made Total Chaos die.

Well, if it wasn't just a failed offshoot in the first place.

[Loki]

Those weird actions figures that came in this dissolvable bag. You had to put it in water for a few minutes to get it out. The whole gimmick was that you never knew what you were gonna get.

The figures themselves sucked though.

[Jeanette X]

Well...the Jem dolls were sucky because you couldn't switch the heads around like the Barbies. In fact, I broke one of the Jem dolls trying to do that.

Another thing that annoyed me was that Jem was blonde in her Jerrica persona, and had pink two tone hair in her Jem-rock star persona. The doll came with a beret and you were supposed to tuck the pink hair under it so that would be Jerrica. I could never manage to do it.

But I still love Jem...just for the ridiculous eighties fashions the dolls wore and the tapes they came with.

Another toy that sucked was some of the She-ra gear I had. It came with a plastic crown, and bracers. The damn crown and bracers became bent and split very quickly.

[Zbu Manowar]

Anybody remember the MASH action figures that were really repainted 3 3/4" Joe figures? Good, because they were made out of cheaper plastic and were all Klinger. Which was funny when you melted his face with a magnifying glass. That was so fucking easy.

[Esuohlim]

I once bought a Yo-Yo Ball, which of course was supposed to make you feel better about sucking at Yo-Yos. I have never sucked at a Yo-Yo, so the Yo-Yo Ball was a complete waste.

[Bennett]

Don't remember Yo-yo ball, but I do remember Pogo Ball, which was pretty lame, in fact I can think of nothing fun about it.
In the same category, I think anyone who owned "Skip-it" should be pistol whipped.

Speaking of water based toys also, there were those tiny (about the size of a pill) items that were shaped like different things. then you put them in a sink or the bathtub and they expanded to the size of your thigh.

Actually, I can't decide whether those sucked or not...

[The Unseen]

Skip-it, all the boys and girls made fun of me for buying it

[pissed off salesman]

when i was 7 i swallowed one of those sponge capsule things and it came out of the capsule in my stomach and my stomach had to be pumped

[Bennett]

then they suck

[Cap'n Crunch]

Ha, those things were great. If you do 100 around the worlds on a yoyo ball it snapped.

[James]

The Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat figures put out by Hasbro (I think). They were just repainted GI Jo models (very rarely did you see anything that was made specifically to make the figure look like its game counterpart). And because of that, they looked absolutely horrid.

[Zbu Manowar]

I remember those. They were so incredibly stupid...especially since Balrog looked more badass than he had the right to with Big Boa's outfit on.

Balrog was a puss. He deserved to be in a dress for Christ's sakes.

[Jay]

I know that this is probably gonna get me hated on, but when I was a kid, i HATED those Transformer toys! Hear me out before you yell! I had to be THE WORST A.D.D kid, and it took me about 10 minutes to transform one toy, so its safe to say that the Transformers lost there appeal to me rather q

[Rongi]

Jay, if I ever met you in person, I'd take a metal bat and just hit your skull until there was nothing left to hit.

[Jay]

I didnt see that one coming from a mile away First day of posting and someone already wants to bash my head in ::sniff:: I feel so loved!

[pissed off salesman]

ohhh if you insult transformers your going to become a mass of screaming twisted flesh like caligari at the end of that one movie. ill kill you with my carple tunnel syndrome wridden hands, and skin you a live with a popeeler. Fuck insulting transformers what next you dont like ernest, bitch?

[Chris P. Bacon]

I could never get my Etch-a-sketch to do anything. Maybe I just sucked at it. My grndma bought me an Alexanders Star for my birthday one time. It was a low rent Rubix Cube. It sucked.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Yea, RUBIX CUBES SUCKED. They were impossible to figure out. The only way I did it was to peel off the stickers, and put it so it looked like I did it.

[Chris P. Bacon]

I used to just take mine apart. After several times of taking it apart though it got really fragile and would come apart on its on.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I never actually completed one without cheating. I'm going to try right now.

[Esuohlim]

You're never going to figure it out on your own without knowing the sequences.

I've known how to beat a Rubik's Cube for like 10 years and I can do it in about a minute and a half.

I am above all of you.

[Ninjavenom]

I saw a kid on I Love the 80's that could do it in 1:10. That kid deserves to die.

I love Rubik's Cubes, it's like being sexually attracted to fire.

[punkgrrrlie10]

I never met an action figure I didn't like however, those magnet toys sucked.

Those ones with the metal shavings in them and there was a magnet pen to move them around to give the person in the picture hair. Those blew big time.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Why, you can make their noses sick, discusting things!