Story Time

[Protoclown]

That was an awesome story, Bubba.

I knew a guy in high school who wasn't a loser (meaning he wasn't socially awkward or anything), but he was a compulsive liar, and he would tell stories about how the US Air Force would let him test fly their planes and how he had just crashed an F-15 the other day and boy were they not too happy about that. He also told us about this time he was fighting in a martial arts tournament in China just last weekend, and he managed to get through by seeing an eagle flying overhead, and becoming inspired as he realized it was this one martial artist friend of ours's "spirit totem" (the martial arts guy never talked about anything of the sort), he temporarily adopted it as his own totem and won the fight. We used to totally egg this guy on and pretend we believed every word just so we could see what he'd come up with next.

He had this friend though who was like 30, balding, and quite pudgy, who was an even worse liar (and he WAS socially awkward). He used to claim that he was in the Special Forces (branch unspecified), he used to be a male model, he was a voice actor for Japanese anime (in the original Japanese, not English, though he never did demonstrate for us his ability to speak it), he was trained in the arts of ninjitsu by a Korean guy while living in China, and he was hired as a consultant by the military to test pilot new battle mechs they were developing, because he was just THAT good at Mechwarrior 2. He also had a hideously ugly, fat wife who NEVER spoke once that I saw. They got divorced, and he eventually married a mail-order Thai bride who was also fat and ugly and never spoke in public. I would only see this guy rarely, but hearing his latest batch of outrageous bullshit was a special treat.

[RaNkeri]

Damn, how come I didn't know anyone who would come up with shit like that?

I know two dudes who used to lie back in elementary school times. Like this one fatty who claimed that his father had found a UFO from the bottom of the local lake, but once he had returned with a camera the ufo was gone. He also claimed that he had managed to outrun a thunderball which had chased him for hours(A remarkable action by someone his size).

Then there was this classmate. He used to come up with even wilder shit. Like the fact that his parents own an original Beatles album from the 60s, which would be worth millions if they'd just bother to sell it. His father is a policeman, this naturally gave him the right to drive police car whenever he wanted and he was allowed to test the weaponry of police forces. He especially said that the uzis used by SWAT were kick ass.
He also stated how cool it was to drive a fourwheeler of latest technology, which could hover over land. One time he told us how he once had been on a microkart track and supriingly the scientists of Ferrari were testing their own kart at the same time and naturally wanted to hire him as a test driver. Naturally there was ofcourse all kind of other bullshit, such as how he could cycle at speed of 80 km/h or how he had beaten up two grown up men who had tried to steal some girl's purse.

[Chojin]

I had friends like this back in elementary school, but I think it's something you eventually grow out of. :<

[Archduke Tips]

I think most people have weird quirks.

[MarioRPG]

Originally Posted by Protoclown

...he was trained in the arts of ninjitsu by a Korean guy while living in China,...

That is the most brilliant thing ever.

[zeldasbiggestfan]

My friend Cezareo, who is Asian and this guy says he is too although he is black and looks nothing like someone from Japan, is STALKED by this creepy ass mofo named Jeff (the black guy). So, today I was standing with him and this girl Jessica. Jeff comes out and I'm like "Oh shit, here we go." So I tell him and his eyes get all wide. So Jessica thinks fast and grabs onto Cezareo and tells Jeff to fuck off because they were dating and she hated him. Fuck, he goes to me. Greeeaaat. So he babbles about how he's in martial arts and can speak Japanese and AMERICAN. He said he spoke AMERICAN. Dumbass.

So Jessica gives up the act finally, and he eventually says, "I could speak Japanese" so I ask him to saw a few words. Here's his response. "I lived there for 10 years but I forgot it all. Sorry."

"You never fucking spoke Japanese, you fucker."

He walked away. Cezareo sighed, Jessica laughed, and I just wanted to cry.

Fucking anime-fags dude, I swear to god.

[Guitar Woman]

I know, right

[Zomboid]

GOOD ONE ZELDA. YOU ARE CLEARLY A RIGHTEOUS DUDE!!

[Dr. Boogie]

Your black asian friend was stalked by a black otaku whom you confronted in front of some girl named Jessica?

[Guitar Woman]

Yeah, I was a little foggy on who the actual characters in this THRILLING SAGA were.

[Sacks]

I think it's pretty clear that zeldasbiggestfan just hates black people.

[Rongi]

Originally Posted by Chojin

I had friends like this back in elementary school, but I think it's something you eventually grow out of. :<

Yeah, same here.

My best friend in like 4th grade was like this. He used to tell me that playing Dino Crisis and Resident Evil was going to train him the join the army so he could fight zombies.

Now he's a raging alcholic punk kid with obnoxious ear gauges. He gauged them so much they cant even be repaired at this point. Aparently he puts his headphone through them

[Emu]

I had a friend swear up and down that the T virus was a real thing and that the government was experimenting with it at Area 51 and that Resident Evil was based on real events. He also swore that there was a black armor in LttP that did something or other. I don't know what happened to him. :[

[Rongi]

Yeah, my friend thought it was all real too. I remember I hung out with him once in like 8th grade at my friend Chris' house. He kept looking around all jokingly nervous. Finally someone was like "what the hell is wrong with you dude?" and he replied "this house is totally not zombie proof!"

in his defense, he had really bad ADD and his parents were monsters.

[Sethomas]

I was just talking about the main character in my life with renown social ineptitude. So, story time falls to me now!

So, my first week at college, it was a new experience of determining a totally new cast of characters in the play of life. Pretty soon, I realized that this kid named Joel was remarkably incapable of interpersonal relations, and many others observed as well. His reactions were so comical in cases that I had no idea how serious it was.

Anyways, in the Winter of 2003, he was living in a room attached to that of one of my friends. My friend observed that he put a sticker on his mirror with the name "Joel" on it, and we devised many theories as to why he would do that. When I was out for the Spring, my friends took to placing the exact same type of sticker over it that said "Larry". On a weekly basis, it'd be torn off and replaced with a Joel sticker, only to be replaced again with Larry a few hours later. At a party where my two involved friends and Joel attended, he made some remark about how he had theories about who was doing it and why. At that moment, my friends related, they realized that they were on a mission from God to seriously fuck with his head.

So, what happened from there was my friends took a picture of the mirror in such a way as to not include a reflection. From there, they had it photoshopped to several variations to include a number of characters standing alone in front of it holding stickers saying "Larry". The idea was to just send the best example to him in the mail, but there were two that were just absolutely fucking perfect. One had a guy dressed as a private dick hunched beside the mirror with a Larry sticker, and the other had a middle-aged man in a bathrobe with a huge smile holding a Larry sticker. These photos were given to a third party, who mailed them anonymously from a nondescript location to Joel. Weeks later, at a party that Joel and one of my involved friends attended, he pulled out the pictures and started talking about how he was pretty sure that the private dick was a guy on the 10th floor of the dorm whom he'd seen around a few times.

Now, this was the epic part: someone asked him, "so, how do you explain the other picture, then?" His response: "Can't you tell it's a MASK?"